[Crook32]

After the total train wreck of a therapy session I had Tuesday I asked my therapist if I could see her today. I felt a little guilty about it since she came in early to see me.

However the session went much better. I was actually able to talk this time. I slept better last night because in addition to my Seroquel I took 2 Xanax. I know that is not ideal but I really needed sleep after all the insomnia I have been having.

We have kind of figured out that there is nothing external causing my depression it is all internal. To me this isn't the best news though even though I have known it for a long time. I wish there was an external factor that I could point to and know that there could be an end in sight. With it all being in my head it makes things a little more depressing for me and no end in sight. It also means I will probably always have to be on meds which I don't like.

She did call my doctor for me but unfortunately he is on vacation until Monday and I don't know if he will be able to fit me in before I have a trip to go on.

Even though I probably shouldn't I am going to be taking the Xanax again tonight to make me sleep.

[Pierro]

Hi Crook 32, Im sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. In time you will get great benefit fom the therapy sessions like I have. you can get a handle on things, I know that it doen't look like it now but things can and will get better, just stay positive. Best Wishes to you.

[gayleggg]

Glad you were able to get a second appointment. Hope you can get into see you psychiatrist soon and that he can help you feel better soon. I understand how that depression weighs on you; being my major issue right now. Haven't had any relief in a long time. At least, I am still functional.
Good luck to you.
Gayle

[online user]

The good part about needing meds is that they can make you feel really stable and normal, even if there are still issues with which you are dealing in therapy. Hope you get the help you need, and come to realize meds aren't all bad, they can be really, really helpful if you need them.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now. I hope you can get in to see your dr before your trip, it sounds like it would be a relief to at least have the meds tweaked a bit. I haven't read your other posts, so I am not sure why taking the xanax is a problem, but my gut response to that is: if it's prescribed to you and it helps to alleviate the anxiety enough for you to get some sleep, it's not really a problem to take until you can talk to your doctor. It's not an ideal long-term solution, but sometimes you have to do whatever it (safely) takes to get yourself back on track. I personally prefer taking my anti-anxiety med over the sleep med because it has fewer side-effects and I can function again in less than 16 hours (the trazodone has me zombied-out for roughly 16-18 hours after I take it, which is not always ok).
I'm glad you were able to get another session in and talk more about stuff. ((hugs))