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#726
Oct 19, 2013, 08:24 PM
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Slept good. Got up, made coffee, sat on the floor under a blanket and cried, got up, and shopped for apps.
Things were better after grocery shopping. Now I'm watching football, checking in here, and diddling with the new apps. One called Brain Wave plays waves through headphones to stimulate various types of brainwaves to help you relax or focus or sleep or wake up and such. It's pretty neat.
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"We will survive" |
 Bark
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 Bark, Rose76
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#727
Oct 19, 2013, 08:34 PM
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Too busy to even know where I stand as far as my mood goes.
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It's not as if this barricade blocks the only road It's not as if you're all alone in wanting to explode Someone set a bad example, made surrender seem alright The act of a noble warrior, who lost the will too fight. |
| Bark
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| Rose76
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#728
Oct 19, 2013, 08:39 PM
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I'm doing okay. Worried I might be getting sick which sucks. The good thing is I feel completely free to be me which has been a nonexistent thing. I have accepted the fact that I don't have to conform to anyone elses thoughts about me. Which had made it easier to love myself.
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PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
| Bark, Rose76, tigerlily84
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#729
Oct 19, 2013, 08:57 PM
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Oh my god is my life ever depressing.
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"What you risk reveals what you value" |
| 1948kate, Bark, Rose76
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| 1948kate
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#730
Oct 19, 2013, 10:01 PM
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I'm feeling real overwhelmed right now; we need to rip out the carpet and replace it because it smells so bad, but I can't do it by myself. I have two people living with me who are strong and able but its such a hassle to get them to do anything--I'm tired of fighting
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"Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
| Bark, IcryWhoAmI, Rose76
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#731
Oct 19, 2013, 10:12 PM
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Still feeling like crap. Saw a movie, was okay, couldn't bring myself to enjoy it much and I'm not sure if that's because the movie wasn't that good or my mindset. I'm getting sick of saying the same crap over and over to my friend. It's the same thing day in day out. I'm just so ready for it to be over..
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| 1948kate, Anonymous37807, Bark, IcryWhoAmI, Rose76, tigersassy
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#732
Oct 19, 2013, 10:46 PM
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Okay today. I guess it's because I had some form of catharsis yesterday. Hrm...
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"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
| tigersassy
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| Bark, Rose76
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#733
Oct 19, 2013, 11:47 PM
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Quote:
 What movie did you watch? |
| NextToNormal
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#735
Oct 20, 2013, 04:49 AM
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severely depressed, low, suicidal, and everything else that goes with it.
ah... don't you just love being depressed. not! |
| Anonymous37807, Bark, IcryWhoAmI, onionknight, Rose76, tigersassy
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#736
Oct 20, 2013, 08:15 AM
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Still in a bipolar depression, and it's been almost three months. I keep on posting on here about how I think my depression is lifting, but soon after, I realize I'm still stuck it. My positive thoughts are so few and far between. I feel awkward, like I don't know what to do with myself. I have a lot of fear about what each day will bring. I just want this to be over, where life just flows, instead of having constant thoughts of angst and that I don't fit in.
I know I'm better than I was when this episode first started, but I still find myself crying uncontrollably at times, and then feeling okay other times. I wonder if anyone can relate. Wow, this was a long and convoluted post. |
| Bark, bronzeowl, IcryWhoAmI, Rose76
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#737
Oct 20, 2013, 08:38 AM
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Just broke my glasses for the 2nd time this year.
At least I have an excuse to get out of the house now though. As it's basically next door to the opticians, I might pop into the dentist too if they're lucky, seeing as I haven't been in like over 5 years. Can I tell you how much I hate Sundays? I REALLY hate Sundays. They're always so miserable and dull and boring etc.., and I don't know what it is but I always have this weird, strange feeling on Sundays.
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"I wanna sleep forever, but I keep waking up." - highly suspect |
| Anonymous37807, Bark, Rose76
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#738
Oct 20, 2013, 09:17 AM
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Darn it all. I thought this part was over.
Spent yesterday lonely. Didn't want to eat much, so didn't. Curled into a ball and essentially cried myself to sleep. Let me tell you, doing that sucks. At least, on the bright side, the meds are helping me sleep. Two weeks. That's the amount of time I'm supposed to give them before I can see if there is a difference, subtle or not. How the heck do I wait that long? I want the up moods back. I WANT THEM BACK NOW.
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Love is.. OSFED|MDD/PPD|GAD|gender dysphoria|AvPD a baby smiling at you for the first time a dog curling up by your side... and your soulmate kissing your forehead when he thinks you're sound asleep |
| Anonymous37807, Bark, IcryWhoAmI, Paralian, Rose76, tigersassy
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#740
Oct 20, 2013, 11:57 AM
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Tired. I want to study, but I'm tired. I slept around 11 hours, but I'm tired. I'm tired of being tired!!
On the plus side, I'm not feeling mixed like I was a few days ago, I'm not depressed. But I want to study, not sleep. Darn this med: I can eat till I'm full and not be depressed every day, but I'm stuck feeling tired no matter how much I sleep. |
| bronzeowl, IcryWhoAmI, Paralian, Rose76
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#742
Oct 20, 2013, 03:14 PM
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UPS
I get to visit with my daughter DOWNS Got ambushed by my ex who was as cruel and heartless as she has ever been to me. |
| Bark, bronzeowl, IcryWhoAmI, Rose76, tigersassy
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#743
Oct 20, 2013, 07:58 PM
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anyone have $200 they can loan me?
__________________
"Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
| Bark, Rose76
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#744
Oct 20, 2013, 09:11 PM
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Today has been...weird, but not necessarily in a bad way. Around seven or eight months ago, I became very close with one of my friends. We talk every day, and each time I instantly feel better, even if I'm having a particularly good day. Every time I see him it's just...magical, and I replay our conversations in my head again and again. I'm in love with him, but there are several reasons (most of which are definitely personal for him, so I won't share) why we can't be together. Every time I start thinking about the future with him, my heart breaks. But the good weird part is the sadness I'm feeling, the tears I'm experiencing, it's real. Not the agonizing, get this monster out of my head pain and tears, it's real sadness. I long for moments like these. Not that I want to feel this way about him, I don't, and I usually don't think about it, but having real sadness is so wonderful I don't know how to describe it.
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| Bark, IcryWhoAmI, Rose76
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#745
Oct 20, 2013, 11:21 PM
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UP
After going to church I took a three hour bike ride. It was the longest ride I had been on in a long time. I was scared but it all worked out well. Relaxed and had a nice dinner after that. A good friend had called me. DOWN I went to the pool area and wanted to use the hot tub to relax my muscles from that long bike ride. Came across some very rude young kids there. They were leaving as I got in, but mouthed off at me as they were leaving. It was a gang of them and I suspected that they didn't live at the complex. They did not look very presentable, if you know what I mean. |
| Bark, Rose76
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#746
Oct 20, 2013, 11:40 PM
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UP: I made myself buy some things that make me feel taken care of, like vitamins, new pants for work (all of mine are faded, old and gross), more face powder, a mirror to replace the one that broke last month, more socks to replace the ones that have holes in them, etc. I have this habit of not buying myself what I need, telling myself it is too expensive and I don't really need it. But I do. So it felt good to do this for myself.
DOWN: I'm still feeling sad about something that happened with a friend/lover/whatever the hell he is. I feel bad I didn't apply to any jobs over the weekend, my back is hurting, and the entire time I was shopping I kept thinking about someone I need to apologize to. It's not going to be easy. |
| Bark
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| Bark, Rose76, tigerlily84
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#747
Oct 21, 2013, 01:52 AM
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Quote:
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| herethennow
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#748
Oct 21, 2013, 07:50 AM
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Why are good moods so fleeting? Why can't I get him off my mind? I see him everywhere, in everything, and these thoughts of him won't leave my mind alone. I dreamed of him last night, and in the dream I was flying, soaring above the land, which was darkening because the sun was setting, and I met him on top of a mountain, rushed into his arms, and we watched the sunset, and I just held him. I told him everything that I so desperately want to tell him in real life. And then came the music. Sometimes in my dreams I hear music, and it's not music that I've ever heard before, it's like something my head makes up. Usually classical, but this one was a Celtic woman singing, and I'll be darned it it wasn't the most beautiful and SAD music I've ever heard. But when I wake up I can never remember what it sounded like. It's like a gift to me while I sleep, but the gift is gone by the time I wake up. The dream was so real, and I could literally feel a breeze blowing on top of the grassy mountain. God I love him so much and I wish I had the guts to tell him.
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| Bark, Rose76
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#749
Oct 21, 2013, 11:02 AM
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I haven't been here in a while, but it's just as well. All I do is complain.
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| Bark, Rose76, tigersassy
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#750
Oct 21, 2013, 12:51 PM
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While the meds haven't had much effect yet, they at least make me sleep. I've gotten a full 7-8 hours the past few nights. It's amazing the difference sleep can make. The depressed feelings are still lingering, though. For now. I'm a bit optimistic. I'm reaching out, and that's a start.
__________________
Love is.. OSFED|MDD/PPD|GAD|gender dysphoria|AvPD a baby smiling at you for the first time a dog curling up by your side... and your soulmate kissing your forehead when he thinks you're sound asleep |
| Anonymous37807, Bark, tigersassy
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| Bark, herethennow, Rose76, tigerlily84
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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