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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: Washington State, U.S.A.
Posts: 3,169
13 2,427 hugs
given |
Aug 17, 2013 at 05:01 PM
#61
fat today, and anxious
__________________ "Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
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 Bark, gracez, Grey Matter, lindammarie, online user
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Member
Member Since Apr 2013
Posts: 170
11 |
Aug 17, 2013 at 06:13 PM
#62
I don't know how to distract myself. I can't bear music, I can't bear people. I can't bear facebook. I can't even bear fictional people. Or thinking about fictional people. Anything that reminds me of life feels really wrong. I don't want thoughts any more but I know I have to live.
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| Anonymous100165, Anonymous53876, Bark, gracez, Grey Matter, lindammarie, Nammu, online user, tigerlily84, tigersassy
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Aug 17, 2013 at 08:59 PM
#63
I.
Am. Tired. Of. This. Life. Can I. Just. Disappear. Now. Please. please |
| Anonymous53876, Bark, bharani1008, gracez, Grey Matter, lindammarie, tealBumblebee, tigersassy
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 herethennow, online user
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Member
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: purgatory
Posts: 88
11 43 hugs
given |
Aug 17, 2013 at 10:34 PM
#64
sick of summer so tired of it being 110 to 116 outside and 105 to 110 inside ..
sick of being alone .. and having no purpose in life but just to exist and suffer . she came in the night and said there is no light . I said there has to be light she said are you dead ? I just stared at her and said no ! she said there is no light .. she was very angry. maybe I should be on the sckizoid forum ... now that I said it all ni will see is those dark shadow figures ...... I hate what has become of me and whatever is left of my mind .........................I am so done !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Anonymous53876, Bark, bharani1008, gracez, lindammarie, online user, tigersassy
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Member
Member Since Aug 2013
Posts: 80
11 3 hugs
given |
Aug 17, 2013 at 11:17 PM
#65
Today is a negative thinking day. I wrote a poem about depression and how i see it. eh hopefully tomorrow will be different maybe more positive.
__________________  I will find a way
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| Anonymous53876, Bark, bharani1008, gracez, lindammarie, online user
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: hippocampus
Posts: 2,379
11 962 hugs
given |
Aug 17, 2013 at 11:34 PM
#66
Too exhausted to feel much of anything but self hatred, and that is exhausting in it's self.
__________________ “You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”. |
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| Anonymous53876, Bark, bharani1008, gracez, lindammarie, online user
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Guest
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Aug 18, 2013 at 12:17 AM
#67
UPS
I have been getting temp assignments DOWNS I get really down looking at all the seemingly happy couples out there. It just seems like so many people have someone and I have no one. And people just think economics is unfair. HA! |
| Bark, bharani1008, gracez, lindammarie, online user
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Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2008
Location: PsychCentral
Posts: 1,185
16 8,255 hugs
given 
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Aug 18, 2013 at 02:54 AM
#68
I am not sure what my mood was today. Slept in, even after I kept getting stuck in my dreams (a really, really horrible feeling), didn't feel like reading or doing anything.... Felt down most of the day, maybe depressed; I don't know, I can't remember. And now I'm actually feeling okay, maybe even good. But confused. I feel quite awake all of a sudden, but the meds will make sure I sleep soon. But I'm just really confused about my mood. I get the feeling that when my vacation is over and I'm back in school, things will flare up again. I don't know. I feel strange. Maybe I'll read before bed.
I've noticed a lot of new names on this thread, and I feel guilty for not keeping track of everyone. I'll keep trying. |
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| lindammarie, online user, tigerlily84
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Member
Member Since Aug 2013
Location: England just outside of london
Posts: 54
11 5 hugs
given |
Aug 18, 2013 at 06:57 AM
#69
Friend going to be late, shes annoyed with me, im annoyed with her, ugh, had a rough night last night, tired, exhausted, drained.
__________________ The girl who seemed unbreakable BROKE, the girl who always laughed CRIED the girl who never stopped trying finally GAVE UP, she dropped a fake smile as a tear rolled down her cheek and she whispered too herself "i cant do this anymore" I'm like marmite you either love or hate me . i can't drown my demons - they know how to swim. |
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| Bark, lindammarie, online user
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Aug 18, 2013 at 07:01 AM
#70
ups
Coffee Downs My life...its not really a life but merely an existance. |
| Bark, lindammarie, online user, tigerlily84, tigersassy
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2007
Location: Indiana, USA
Posts: 1,256
17 600 hugs
given
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Aug 18, 2013 at 10:15 AM
#71
Only 11am and my focus is shot. Today is going to be fun. I just wanna be done.
__________________ PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
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| Bark, gracez, lindammarie, online user
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Over there
Posts: 1,320
12 3,546 hugs
given
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Aug 18, 2013 at 03:50 PM
#72
I am tired of being belittled, made fun of, and blamed for things that are not my fault. And it is my mother doing all of those things. I wish I had thought to record her during her rage today. If there is a next time, I'll be sure to do that. I was told to get the f*** out of her house. Why? Because I said that she should ask me before she uses my things. It's a boundary issue. I would never take something of hers without asking first, so why am I not afforded the same consideration? T is right; I am not an extension of her and she has no right to treat me that way. It is interesting to realize that my self-esteem issues stemmed from the emotional and sometimes physical abuse I suffered as a child. As an adult she sticks to the emotional abuse. I have to get out of this toxic environment.
Last edited by tigerlily84; Aug 18, 2013 at 03:53 PM.. Reason: more |
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| Bark, gracez, lindammarie, online user, Poppy Princess, tigersassy
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Member
Member Since Dec 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 417
11 2,824 hugs
given |
Aug 18, 2013 at 07:37 PM
#73
Quote:
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Member
Member Since Dec 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 417
11 2,824 hugs
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Aug 18, 2013 at 07:41 PM
#74
I am doing pretty good this weekend. I am trying to do merciful things for others and myself. It helps, I think.
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Bark, tigerlily84
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2007
Location: Indiana, USA
Posts: 1,256
17 600 hugs
given
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Aug 18, 2013 at 07:56 PM
#75
Failing miserably at staying above the water in my sea of depression. I'm breaking. Don't know if I will be able to tread water much longer. I can't afford my treatments anymore. Feel like the whole world is crashing around me. Will it ever be manageable? The darkness inside has won another day.
__________________ PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
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| Bark, gracez, lindammarie, online user, psychmajortwenty2, tigerlily84
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Aug 18, 2013 at 10:41 PM
#76
It's been a while since I've been on here. Today was a boring kind of day and it seemed like a long one. Went to church in the morning and it was OK. Took a two hour bike ride after that. I could have gone on longer. I was going to meet with someone but it didn't happen.
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| lindammarie, online user
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Member
Member Since May 2013
Location: US
Posts: 29
11 6 hugs
given |
Aug 18, 2013 at 11:02 PM
#77
Haven't been here in ages. I've had a mostly uneventful but calm summer, mostly good days, few bad days.
I'm having a particularly bad night. Why are nights always the worst? I'm waiting to be calm enough that I can sleep. I want to talk to one of my friends, but he's having a difficult time as well and I've never been good with judging when is an okay time and when it isn't. I just want this night to be over with. |
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| Bark, happy 2 b here, lindammarie, online user, tigersassy
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Aug 19, 2013 at 01:49 AM
#78
meh... it's depression what can I say?
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| Bark, lindammarie, online user
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herethennow
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Posts: n/a
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Aug 19, 2013 at 02:02 AM
#79
UPS
Things are not looking as bad..... DOWNS ....but just give it time |
| Bark, lindammarie, online user, tigersassy
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Member
Member Since May 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 364
11 164 hugs
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Aug 19, 2013 at 08:19 AM
#80
Ok, I can walk again. I went to work today. I'm am stiff and sore but atleast I am out of the house.
I found out friday that the assessment I was going to do will cost between $2000 and $3000. I totally can't afford that so I am going to explore other options. I am really frustrated by this. |
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| Anonymous53876, Bark, lindammarie, online user, tigerlily84
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| Closed Thread |
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