I don't know how to help my daughter.

Hello,

My daughter is 22 years old and suffers from and was diagnosed with having severe depression, social anxiety/avoidant personality disorder, general anxiety and "occasionally" suffers delusions such as believing her teeth are falling out and that people are watching her. I quote occasionally because I believe it happens more often than that.

She has been hospitalized three times for suicide attempts and began seeing a therapist soon after the third hospitalization. She's recently quit therapy after going for a little less than a year and will not tell me why, only that "I wouldn't understand." While seeing a therapist, she refused to try any medications. She rarely leaves the house and when she does she has panic attacks. She also has them often at home.

The other day I changed around the living room—nothing drastic, just moved the coffee table to the other side of the room. She freaked out. She said that it "wasn't right" and that the coffee table had to be where it was previously that it "just wasn't right." I don't know what exactly upset her. Now, she doesn't like being in the living room. When she's there she appears so anxious and leaves seconds after entering. What could cause this behavior?

I want so much to help my daughter get through this all. She is due to start college in January as an Engineering major but regardless of her intelligence, with her anxiety, depression and possibly other problems I don't know how she can be successful. I feel that she needs medicine or at least to see someone about it all. I just want my daughter back. I want independence for her. I want to see her happy.

I guess what my wall of text's goal here is to ask for some kind of guidance and advice. What can I do for her? I hate seeing her suffer this way.

Thank you for your time.

My heart goes out to you. It must be a kind of hell to see your daughter suffering so. I'm so sorry that I haven't any answers for you. I've never dealt with this problem. The only thing I can think of is to put her in the hospital and keep her there until she stabilizes. I'm not sure that is the right thing or not. I don't think you can help her by yourself. She really sounds like she needs professional help. These are not easy symptoms you are describing. Maybe you should see someone yourself.You also need help coping. Maybe if you see a therapist you can get the strength and direction you need.
I send hopeful thoughts your way

Hello, welcome to PC!

From what I've experienced, depression is totally isolating. It's really an unfamiliar territory and you'd feel like running away from it. Maybe your daughter tries to fight it by latching on to the familiar, things that once defined her. So a change maybe caused her too much fright... that's what I think.

I'm sorry she's going through this. I can't imagine what it's like from a caregiver's POV. Have you taken her to the pdoc? Is she taking medications?

Hang in there. Sending hugs your way.

It could be a variety of issues that brought this up. Did her behaviour change suddendly or did it get progressively worse over time?

For me depression comes in episodes and tends to have a depth to how down I get. When I was in my teens it was really bad. After the depression I started to develop anxiety too. Panic attacks and the feeling like my chest is tight and the feeling like I need to get away.

If it came on suddenly it could have been a tramatic event. Something that has really shaken her up and she can't deal with it. Physical or sexual assault cam be very tramuatic for someone. If something like that happened it would explain her anxiety about leaving the house. Along with the depression.

My suggestion is to try and be supportive the best you can. Avoid trying to blame her for how she is feeling or put a lot of pressure on her to get over it. Doing this will break trust in you and she will be less likely to talk about what is going on. Try to be non judgemental and supportive. I can imagine that is hard as a parent as you want her to just be happy and get back to living her life.

Meds aren't always helpful. Some medications can make things worse and it is possible she tried some, things got worse and she refused to take them anymore. It can be really agrivating to out some hope in a medicine and then be let down. Medications only do so much and from my experience they work more on the physical symptoms and not so much on the issues that may be troubling you. That is more for therapy.

Thank you for the welcome and the hugs.

If by pdoc you mean psychiatric doctor (just making sure) then no. She was seeing one when she was in therapy, but she is no longer seeing either. From what she told me, the doctor always insisted that she at least try something.

Also, thanks for giving me even a small idea of why she was bothered about the furniture.

Thanks for replying.

Her behavior changed over time; it was not sudden. I can understand that medicine isn't always the be all-end all, especially when it comes to mental health. I'mt out of options it seems. I can't force her back into therapy, it has to be a decision she makes. Unfortunately, I don't see her making that decision any time soon.

Thanks again for your response.

I think forcing her will likely make her resist more and drive a wedge between you two. That being said you can encourage her. Tell her that you feel it is best for her to get help. Try to find out why she doesn't like therapy. Maybe there is a problem you can help her deal with to make her going easier.

Depression can be difficult for her, but it also places a strain on people that care for the depressed person. Often leading to feeling helpess and unable to care for the person. In the end it is her problem and she has to be the one to want to raise herself back up and deal with it. You can't cure her depression, it has to be her decision. You aren't helpless though. Being there means a lot to her even if she doesn't acknoledge it or tries to push you away. Depression often leads to withdrawing from family and friends. Sometimes intentionally saying hurtful things or avoiding the people.

Try to let her know you care about her and you don't think any less of her for struggling. Providing reassurance and validation for what she is feeling may help her open up and share what is going on. Knowing she has people that care and want to help may help her to not attempt suicide again.

Having been there myself, I remember isolating myself. Then feeling worse and worse. Then I convinced myself no one cares and i would be better off not existing. Feeling down for a long time leed me to a breaking point and I just didn't want to go on. I was a bit delusional. Not that I heard voices or anything, but my thinking and judgement were affected. More so than I realised at the time. I was filled with such negativity, hopelessness and despair. I did a lot of thinking to convince myself things were worse off than they were. I felt stuck, trapt and unable to get any better. That lead to my attempt.

I think if I had the skills to talk and had people around me to talk to without feeling horrible about myself I wouldn't have attempted. I was very withdrawn and no one seemed to care. Unfortunately even for me, no one seemed to care after I tried. It sounds like that isn't the case with your daughter.

Tell her how you feel about her and let her know you care about her, even if she doesn't right now. Let her know you can be there for her and want to help her get better.

Goodluck. I know this must be just as hard for you as it is her. Try not to think of you being helpess. It may feel that way, but being there and letting her know you care will make a difference. It may not seem like it at times, but in time she may learn to be able to talk to you or may get back into therapy and better cope with things. Keep your spirits up and try to stay strong.

I knw that's very difficult; I'm going thru something similar with my 25 year old son.

Hello, and welcome to PC.

This is a hard situation. And I can only say as such because I am 22 years old, and my mom has been watching me struggle since I was 17. I see how worried she gets and all she tries to do and help. It must be hard to see your child in pain. I've heard my mom crying more than I'd care to share over my problems.

One thing to keep in mind; Don't blame yourself. Mental illnesses are complicated, intricate things. Sometimes they latch onto us when we are least expecting it and they hold on for dear life. So much so that we can't run away from them. So we avoid life as much as possible to ease the anxiety. We feel, at least I do, that we deserve to be isolated.

If she has anxiety, it can very well explain her reaction to you moving around the furniture. I have done something similar. I went into a psychiatric treatment facility in another state (the ones here are horrid) when I was 17. When I came home, my mom changed around some furniture and I couldn't cope with it. Which seems ridiculous. But people with anxiety struggle to have some control in their own minds, so much so that we sometimes apply that lack of control to our surroundings and environment. Consistency keeps my anxieties at bay.

I don't think forcing her into any sort of treatment will do her, or yourself, any good. It will create un-needed tension for the both of you and cause there to be a big stresser. She has to get to a point where she realizes that she needs help, and it sometimes takes a lot of time to get there. I started suffering from depression/OCD/anxiety when I was 10. It took me until I was almost 18 to let anyone know. And I let them know via suicide attempt. And when I relapsed, when my brother died, I didn't tell a soul. Until it got so bad that my life was barely a life.

Be supportive. Remember to take care of yourself. Open lines of communication that you're both comfortable with. Sending my best wishes to you both.

Might be good for you to sign yourself up for therapy and go--would be a good example for your daughter and would help you work through how to deal with your worry for her. Your T. might be able to give you suggestions about how to approach her about things. Good luck to you--we are pulling for both of you!