[emanuelabianca]

Hello. I just want to clarify why I have all these problems with confidence, I don't know what to believe anymore.
I've always wanted to get rid of being unstable emotionally, but it seems to get even worse day by day. When I think it's alright dad seems to see only my flaws and I feel insecure around him. I'm constantly thinking that I don't do enough. Could it be because when I was little he told me that I was somehow average ( and retarded) kid? Now he tells me that I've had the most simple life somebody could ask for, that he always gave me pieces of advice, that only what he thinks is good and what I think about life is not as excellent as his ideas.
I'm somehow shy when I meet people, but only for a few minutes. I always fear that I might end up like a totally useless person who doesn't deserve to be on this planet. I , many times, wonder why was I born anyway and things like that.
I want to make it better, but it all collapses in my face.
I've finished the first year of college, I might also get a scholarship but my dad always tells me "you could've done much better". He always gives me examples of girls who are like the perfection I can never touch in my whole life. I start hating the girls because of what she's talking about them, but they are pretty normal people.
Even when some people make me compliments, I just find it strange that they're not mocking me and I tell them to be serious about it. I pretty much underestimate myself as much as I can. I don't even know why am I doing this. I only wish I could stop it. It seems that I'm destroying myself somehow.
I always think that people around me look at my flaws and can't wait to find a great moment to start laughing at me. That happened in many years of school and high-school. I am the type of person who doesn't fit in many places.
I only found a comfort in music, but even there my father keeps interfering and tells me I don't do enough, but doesn't have experience and doesn't give me any suggestions.
So...any ideas of what I can do to improve at least a part of all this?
Thank you.

[Yolan]

I know this might sound hard, but every time your dad says something negative to you, go to a happy place and think of something that makes you feel good. It seems like his negative comments to you and about you are what is really hurting your confidence. It also seems like to place a lot of weight on his opinion. I know he is your dad and you love him and that is great, but don't let his negative view of you affect how you see yourself. I know this is really hard to do. I always felt pressure from my folks and felt that I didn't quite measure up. It took me a long time, and I am still working on it, to see myself as a wonderful, beautiful person. One thing I did was put a post-it note on my bathroom mirror where I would see it everyday and it said "Be bold, beautiful" to remind me that I am a wonderful person. Just remember if you did the best that you could do, then not only is that all you can do, but that is amazing, because not everyone does.

Here's another suggestion, if you feel up to it, try telling your dad that his negative comments are hurtful, not helpful.

[Sam2]

Some people seem to sail through life with more than their share of confidence. The rest of us have doubts.

Parental critisism can be very difficult to handle. I wanted to be a veterinarian since I was six, but all I ever got was "your grades aren't good enough". When I would bring home a B, why wasn't it an A. I know now that my father thought that by asking why I didn't get an A was his attempt at getting me to work harder. Parenting doesn't come with a manual, and sometimes parents make mistakes.

All through school, K-12th, it seemed that my grades were never good enough to escape that comment. After highschool, I took a job in a vet's office cleaning cages. That didn't go over well. "You are wasting your mind" "why do you want to do such a menial job?"

Finally, at twenty six, I went back to school. 11 years after I graduated high school. I had forgotten almost everything and had to start from the bottom up. Today, I'm a veterinarian, have a pony (another goal since i was six), and my parents are very proud.

You can break out of the mold that others make for you. i'll admit, its hard, scarey and self confidence is very difficult to get back, but if I can do it, you can too. Keep going and don't listen to anyone tell you that you aren't intelligent or can't do something.

Sam2

[fight&win]

"Keep going and don't listen to anyone tell you that you aren't intelligent or can't do something." Rightly said. Be stubborn and rebellious. It helps believe me.

[emanuelabianca]

Originally Posted by Yolan

I know this might sound hard, but every time your dad says something negative to you, go to a happy place and think of something that makes you feel good. It seems like his negative comments to you and about you are what is really hurting your confidence. It also seems like to place a lot of weight on his opinion. I know he is your dad and you love him and that is great, but don't let his negative view of you affect how you see yourself. I know this is really hard to do. I always felt pressure from my folks and felt that I didn't quite measure up. It took me a long time, and I am still working on it, to see myself as a wonderful, beautiful person. One thing I did was put a post-it note on my bathroom mirror where I would see it everyday and it said "Be bold, beautiful" to remind me that I am a wonderful person. Just remember if you did the best that you could do, then not only is that all you can do, but that is amazing, because not everyone does.

Here's another suggestion, if you feel up to it, try telling your dad that his negative comments are hurtful, not helpful.

I actually started narrowing down quotes from songs and try to re-read them everytime. I hope I'll be able to keep everything in the right balance and stop feeling this emotional rollercoaster which plays with my head so much. I've told him that, he seems to understand until the day he forgets and says the same things. I guess I'll just have to work always hard to make him see that he's wrong judging me.
Thanks for your advice. It's been really helpful. God bless you.

[emanuelabianca]

Originally Posted by Sam2

Some people seem to sail through life with more than their share of confidence. The rest of us have doubts.

Parental critisism can be very difficult to handle. I wanted to be a veterinarian since I was six, but all I ever got was "your grades aren't good enough". When I would bring home a B, why wasn't it an A. I know now that my father thought that by asking why I didn't get an A was his attempt at getting me to work harder. Parenting doesn't come with a manual, and sometimes parents make mistakes.

All through school, K-12th, it seemed that my grades were never good enough to escape that comment. After highschool, I took a job in a vet's office cleaning cages. That didn't go over well. "You are wasting your mind" "why do you want to do such a menial job?"

Finally, at twenty six, I went back to school. 11 years after I graduated high school. I had forgotten almost everything and had to start from the bottom up. Today, I'm a veterinarian, have a pony (another goal since i was six), and my parents are very proud.

You can break out of the mold that others make for you. i'll admit, its hard, scarey and self confidence is very difficult to get back, but if I can do it, you can too. Keep going and don't listen to anyone tell you that you aren't intelligent or can't do something.

Sam2

I'm glad that you succeeded in doing what you wished. Another problem is that I can't really make up my mind about what I should do in the future. What I'm studying now, literature, it's not so appreciated by people. That doesn't necessarily matter, but I always think that one day I'll end up doing sth different from what I've chosen for college. I admit I also have a problem with over-thinking and I wish I could get rid of it, but it came along with losing trust in people around me.
It's so strange that I'm so alike to my father and still when we have an argument it seems that the house is going to be on fire in a couple of seconds.
Thank you so much for your support and for your story. It brightened my day. God bless you! :-)

[emanuelabianca]

Originally Posted by fight&win

"Keep going and don't listen to anyone tell you that you aren't intelligent or can't do something." Rightly said. Be stubborn and rebellious. It helps believe me.

I'll take that advice into consideration. Thank you <3 God bless you