[unhappycamper463]

i need some help,

[lynn P.]

I can try and help if I can.

[Rohag]

Please try to stay safe, Unhappycamper463

Crisis resources

[unhappycamper463]

i just can't see any light, any hope, any reason. i can't find another job, i can't find love, i can't do anything right, i can't find a reason to get off my couch. All the love gone bad turned my world to black, tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll ever be.

[lynn P.]

I'm sorry unhappycamper463, you feel hopeless at this time. It can seem overwhelming when nothing seems to be going right. These problems can improve in time, so that's why you need to be patient. Are you registered with an employment agency - they also give help with resume writing and interview suggestions. Some city funded employment places have re-training classes. Having a good resume and knowing how to act in an interview are very helpful.

I understand it's hard to get off the couch when you feel so down. Do you have a therapist? Try to set small goals. Regarding love gone wrong -I prefer to look at them as lessons. Life's not over and things can change so don't lose hope. I do know what desperation feels like and I hope things turn around for you. The link Rohag left are good ones and keep sharing as much as you need to.

[unhappycamper463]

i just don't belong here. nothing feels worthwhile. i'm dead inside. there is nothing to fill the black darkness inside if me. I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here?

[lynn P.]

I'm sorry you feel this way. There are people out there who are nonjudgmental. Are you getting help for your depression? Everyone has some good points? Do you always feel like this or is this just a bad stage? Since you said you need help......maybe a better question from us is ....how can we best help you?

[unhappycamper463]

Existential Depression in Gifted Children | The Unbounded Spirit

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by unhappycamper463

Existential Depression in Gifted Children | The Unbounded Spirit

>Existential depression is a depression that arises when an individual confronts certain basic issues of existence. Yalom (1980) describes four such issues (or “ultimate concerns”)–death, freedom, isolation and meaninglessness. Death is an inevitable occurrence. Freedom, in an existential sense, refers to the absence of external structure. That is, humans do not enter a world which is inherently structured. We must give the world a structure which we ourselves create. Isolation recognizes that no matter how close we become to another person, a gap always remains, and we are nonetheless alone. Meaninglessness stems from the first three. If we must die, if we construct our own world, and if each of us is ultimately alone, then what meaning does life have?

Yes, this is what concerns me. Not so concerned about death, but lack of meaning. The world does not make sense, even though I am no longer totally isolated.

How about you - your comments on this article?

Originally Posted by unhappycamper463

i just don't belong here. nothing feels worthwhile. i'm dead inside. there is nothing to fill the black darkness inside [o]f me. I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here?

I totally feel the same way.

[lynn P.]

Very interesting article unhappycamper463. Sorry you also feel the same way ((H3rmit)). I agree some very intelligent children and adults think on a deeper level mentally and emotionally. I had an older brother who was bipolar and had a genius level of intelligence.

I can relate a little after 2 devastating life events happen. It also seems we hear more about the ugly side of people from the news and online. The way I survive is pure determination, resilience and faith I'm here for a reason. It might help to volunteer for the less fortunate - this gets you away from thinking of your own problems. If a leach has a purpose then why not us? All living things are part of the big puzzle of life.

[unhappycamper463]

If you check out the Wikipedia on Absurdism (Absurdism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) it mentions that humans search for meaning when there is none.

Kierkegaard believes there are 3 ways to deal with this (I believe this too because it's the list I came up with before I found out this existed).

1. Suicide - obviously solves the problem since it ends existence.
2. Religion - God gives you meaning.
3. Acceptance - I guess this for most of us is the problem we are having. Kierkegaard calls living like this "demonic madness".

Obviously none of the answers above are optimal (I guess religion is but I'm an atheist so it doesn't for me).

I've tried to go with the acceptance but I'm having trouble finding just fun stuff to do to get yourself in "flow". Everyday is a grind and if life isn't fun then why live with number 3?

It almost becomes a logic problem that you either need to have lots of money so you can do whatever you want and have tons of fun or you need religion.

I find with work that there is no meaning, there is no point. Nobody cares or listens to what work you deliver and I deliver at a higher level than most of them understand (yea that's arrogant but we probably are all gifted).

From what I understand, the happiest people in the world are the ones in tribes that struggle to survive. Their whole existence is trying to find their next meal, being in a close circle of people and procreating to further their race.

Once you don't worry about survival and you don't make close emotional connections, the mind turns in on itself and you end up where we are.

I don't have any answers. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or what the point is. I don't look forward to doing it again tomorrow. I just know that whatever I'm doing isn't working and that therapy/drugs/exercise/diet/religion aren't the answers for me.

[lynn P.]

Thanks for sharing more about your challenges. What helped me was acceptance - accepting this stage is awful, but with hope it might change. Accepting doesn't mean giving up and it helps so the persons no longer resisting the pain. What happens is most try to resist the pain..... but don't have immediate solutions and this ends up being a never ending circle of frustration.

Yes those tribes you mentioned are noted to be very happy and content. They're also disconnected with the modern existence. They also don't have time to let their minds be idle and too busy with survival. I can't remember where I read the story of a person who was all down about life, but then they had a serious accident. At that moment the person forgot about all the life problems and now was worried about merely surviving.

What I've learned through my pain is, life isn't all about money, status and accumulation of excess materialism. Yes we need basic comforts but minimalist living is more appealing to me now. If you live below your means you don't have to work as hard and can devote more time to doing what you want.

Since you don't have fulfillment at work -maybe think out of the box. Is there anything that stirs passion in you -if yes then look for work in that field. Finding daily life mundane? - mindfulness helps. Saw a lady talking about how she was bored being a mother - she started working on mindfulness and realized the value of doing simple things like dishes and laundry. Those clean dishes and clean clothes made her kids well cared for therefore there was value in those simple chores. A member here mentioned "honor" the other day - we can apply honor to simple things - like are we honoring our living place or our health/bodies. Are we honoring ourselves with negative thinking.

You can also look for things that don't cost a lot of money - perhaps art work or writing. Often the simple things make us feel happy - walking in a nice garden. Helping or making a difference in another persons life. When a person hits the bottom - they either give up or find some kind of solution. I don't have all the answers but do know what intense pain feels like.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by unhappycamper463

...whatever I'm doing isn't working and that therapy/drugs/exercise/diet/religion aren't the answers for me.

Discovering what doesn't work is its own kind of progress.
Have you looked into minimalism/minimalist living? (I'm not a practitioner.)

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by unhappycamper463

I've tried to go with the acceptance but I'm having trouble finding just fun stuff to do to get yourself in "flow". Everyday is a grind and if life isn't fun then why live with number 3?

It almost becomes a logic problem that you either need to have lots of money so you can do whatever you want and have tons of fun or you need religion.

I find with work that there is no meaning, there is no point. Nobody cares or listens to what work you deliver . . . .

I'm sorry you have no close emotional connections. As I mentioned, I do have one, but I can't live for another person! I want something from direct experience of the world. The things I enjoy are hard to come by - quiet, natural places. Even my garden is a community garden, not right outside my door where I need it, not that I have my own door as I live in a crackerbox in a city with 100s of others. Yes, I'm working to change things, but currently things feel wrong.

Religion is also not optimal for me, same reason. On the point of fun - as a child I despised the concept of mere fun. Now I see some point in it - comedy films can engage me, and maybe there is even meaning there, understanding.

Many say meaning comes from helping others or society. That's very anthropocentric, and I am more ecocentric, which is a heartbreaking way to be in the present. Point being, however, that indulgent fun does not bring true satisfaction, even though many of us could use a little more of it. Couple of recent general interest articles relating to this:

There's More to Life Than Being Happy - Emily Esfahani Smith - The Atlantic

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/ar...piness/278250/

Note: The first article above is newer, and is also linked from the bottom of the older second article.

Sadly, the work I've done had no great meaning for me, even though people did care about the quality. Unhappycamper, is there anything in the world that you wonder at and that delights you? That is the only place meaning lies for me. Unfortunately, humans tend to destroy all that, which is the heartbreaking part. Yes, there is amazing human ingenuity, but when we can't get the overall trajectory right, I don't get excited about the internal machinery pushing us in that direction!

[unhappycamper463]

life would be easier and more fun on heroin.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by unhappycamper463

life would be easier and more fun on heroin.

Yes, for the hours of the day during which you are actually on it. But when you are scrambling for it and picking your sores and feeling hungry and shakey, not so much.

Fun is overrated. Goes triple for recreational drugs.

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by unhappycamper463

life would be easier and more fun on heroin.

Heroin is a trap from hell. Fun the first few times but after a while your just busting your *** and doing disgusting crap to get more, and you dont even get high anymore. You just take it to feel 'normal'.

[unhappycamper463]

how do you feel normal?

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by unhappycamper463

how do you feel normal?

Normal for who? Normal for me or normal as in the sense of most people? What are you getting at? Just relax, accept, and try to find a suitable environment for yourself so you can do those.

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by unhappycamper463

how do you feel normal?

Because you build up tolerance to it. Unless I inject a lot of h, which i would if i had enough cash (which, surprise, I dont have), i dont get high. You just use enough so that you dont get dopesick.
When i dont shoot up, my family actually starts thinking im using because i feel so hellish. Its just a short term solution that turns into an uncontrollable problem. It ****ing sucks not being able to control your own body, and sometimes half your mind.

[unhappycamper463]

[QUOTE=H3rmit;3213138]

Fun is overrated.\/QUOTE]

Why is fun overrated? Seems a lot better than boredom, loneliness and suicidal ideation.

[H3rmit]

[quote=unhappycamper463;3215567]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

Fun is overrated.\/QUOTE]

Why is fun overrated? Seems a lot better than boredom, loneliness and suicidal ideation.

Well, it does rank higher than those! But it is overrated as the highest goal. It does not give meaning or purpose. Please, get more fun if you can, but you could also read the two short articles I linked - they explain precisely why fun is overrated.

[unhappycamper463]

i wouldn't make it through a Nazi prison camp. i barely can make it through a well-fed, TV watching, cubicle imprisoned day.

i used to think i had a purpose. i don't think i ever had meaning. now i look back and i see how naive i was. how none of the **** i ever did meant anything other than to validate myself to others. and now none of that matters. nothing that i do changes anything. i feel like a tiger in a cage. you used to kill what you ate and now you just sit there and some meat gets thrown into the cage and you pace up and down until the day ends. the fire is gone.

[unhappycamper463]

another ****ing day watching myself watch myself go ****ing batshit crazy. can this just end?

[Poppy Princess]

Interesting thread.

I agree with most of what u said, unhappy camper. Acceptance can make depression worse. I think I want to fall in love with depression so it can no longer hurt me. Apathy is also a great defense against depression. Hard to be sad when u don't care about anything