[ZombieDude]

Hello,

First off, I'll apologize ahead of time if I ramble or kind of go off-topic. That's just kind of how my mind operates.

So, I don't really know where to begin, so I'll just get to the point and go from there.
I feel hopeless, depressed, and just tired of everything lately. I suppose I've always had some of these underlying symptoms of possible chronic depression, ever since high school, about 12 years ago (graduated in 2000). I had a pretty decent childhood, wasn't abused (unless you count how I was treated by fellow classmates, but thats for a different time. Needless to say, i hate outright bullying, but I can understand some teasing and such here and there. I just dislike the extreme crap I hear about these days.)
But, since high school and beyond, I've always felt a bit different than others, like I don't belong. I've got friends, a caring (if not always supportive) family, and a girlfriend whom I adore. What I don't have anymore is a job. I got canned from my last good-paying job back in April of 2013, for some ridiculous BS. And as of yesterday, I got laid-off/canned from a temp job that I've been using to support myself, and I didn't even get a reason from them. Thing is, this isnt the first time this kind of thing has happened to me.
I don't know what it is that's wrong with me, but I always run into some kind of problems, no matter where I work. Mainly the issues are with interpersonal type of things, though some are due to performance issues. I try my hardest at places, and I do mess up, I'm human. However, i always seem to get the worst possible shake of the cosmic dice when it comes to that stuff. It seems to me that I get the harshest punishments or write-ups, even if someone else does the same exact thing. For some reason, I always have to be extra careful, extra diligent, or do extra work just to get by, and that doesn't seem to get me anywhere. On top of that, any of the problems relating to personnel issues are more or less a majority of my fault, either by not keeping quiet when feeling wronged, by asking too many questions, or by being too honest for my own good. And now, because of all this stuff I have no job and I'm more than likely in danger of losing what matters to me. I feel that without a job, I'm worthless and that leads me to feel hopeless and depressed.

All of this just seems to compound on each other. I messed up a ton when i was younger, didn't really get my head on straight until I was around 24 or 25. I wasted my time then in college, going for an education in Law Enforcement, but I stopped going, partly because of needing to work more to pay bills and partly because I just didn't like the field anymore. And now, I'm stuck without any really good, solid skills to rely on, and at my age (31) and in my area (Northern Illinois/Southern Wisconsin), there's nobody hiring people that are willing to train in any kind of useful skill. I did have someone that was teaching me welding, but now they got a better job and are no longer available. I can't take loans out because I don't have anything worth value to use as collateral (aside my car, which I'm already using as collateral for the one loan I currently have). If I wanted to enroll in some kind of college course, I would have had to do that months ago for the financial aide or grants. All in all, life is really getting to me in a bad way. I'm having a difficult time dealing with things, and I'm feeling unable to cope properly.

I want help, but I don't know who to ask, or how. I've tried my family, but they just don't seem to understand, nor would they be in a position to help out financially, besides, I don't want to burden them with that. I just don't know what to do anymore, and I'm feeling like things are quite hopeless.

[DePressMe]

Dude, I have had problems with employment too. It's been difficult for me to hold a long term position because of my emotional problems. Like you, I struggle financially and emotionally. I often feel hopeless. I am fortunate to have a part-time online job that has really saved my butt. I have been able to keep it because my employer has been real understanding about my mental illness and its online so I don't have to deal with interpersonal issues. I'd be really set if I could find another online job to supplement my income and avoid the pressure of having to deal with office politics. Please, please, don't give up--there is a job out there for you--the right one. I don't want to downplay your pain I just want to offer you some hope. I truly believe things will eventually work out for the both of us......D.