[forwardedtoenigma]

Hello, I need help and I don't know where to begin from. Okay... I'm at a point where I can't do anything. I need a magic wand, but I don't have it. So sharing what I'm experiencing is the only choice for now. The issue is my sister, who is 3 years older than me. I have some big problems with her. Actually, she has some big problems and it's killing me. Not only me, but also many people around her. She has no friends because of that. But as I am her sister, I just can't break the relation. She needs some help and support, but she delays seeing a doctor. She keeps doing that. She takes everything against her. Like... I have many many examples. She has problems especially with my mother. Whenever my mother says something she misunderstands it and might create a big quarrel from that. For instance, she loses her book, she forgets where she put it. Then she says "Okay, I can't find it. I'm not a member of this family. My things are vanishing." she thinks that happens as something against her. However, that's actually her own fault. So when we say, "please don't worry, we can find it". She starts yelling at us "Ok, ok! I will not make any requests ever again! This family is against me! When I say something, everyone is against me. I don't even have the right to ask where my book is." This is just one single examples among many many many others... We just can't express her that things are actually different than what she perceives. We have experienced a big loss in the meantime. One month ago my father passed away. So things got even harder. I have a deep pain in my heart. so as my mother... but I just can't concentrate on that, because my sister keeps doing such things. And I'm tired of staying calm and quite. Sometimes, it even breaks my self-confidence and honor. Because most of the time, I try to make her calm. She doesn't have any friends. I have many friends with me who support me in this very very difficult time of my life. But in the evening, I have to spend my time with my sister. We try not to stay alone in this process. She rejects socializing. SO when we are with my friends, she creates problems again. She works, btw. but she has no colleagues with her even, I mean, nobody is becoming friends with her. Because she does the same thing to them. She humiliates everyone. She thinks everyone in the world is against her. Another example is when we are walking and when we see a car come nearby. She starts getting scared and gets anxious and tells "hey, he is trying to crash us, you stupid, you killer, go away" to the car... And I'm really really tired... So we will see a doctor. But she thinks that we will do it because of my father's death. Yes, actually I will do because of that. That's a big pain in my heart. but she is making this process even more difficult. And she keeps delaying the doctor appointment, talking about her workplace, saying that "but I can't arrange my work life according to my private life". I'm really really tired. Please help. but I'm so hopeless. because I'm sure that any behaviour is something against her, according to her. She really needs some help and she needs to socialize. but I can't make her do that! I don't have a magic wand. aNd I'm not a supergirl. I'm really really tired of this and don't really know how to deal with that especially in this hard process. I'm especially tired of watching her make mom upset. because mother is already in pain... she lost her dearest one. but my sister keeps behaving her like an animal. Indeed, she doesn't respect, she always quarrels. and my mother's nerves are also tired. She will also see a doctor, but mother is different than me. she is really really tired and she can't stay calm. then we have big big fights. and I'm tired of being the one to stay patient. Sorry for my long post. But I don't really know what to do. She is acting in a spoiled way. I don't know how to remind her that she is not the center of the world. Maybe tough love is the solution in this case. However, she takes everything against her. So she might turn this into hell. And I can't deal with that. don't really know how to do it =/ When we see the doctor, this will be the first issue I'll consult and I need to express myself clearly in a short time. I still wonder your opinions, although I'm very very hopeless :'( Please help :'( and pray maybe =/

My deepest condolences in the death of your father. Both of my parents died "young" - it is hard.

I think therapy can help you in regard to your relationship with your sister. You can only support her so much without sacrificing your well-being. Boundaries need to be set in place and it will help both of you. *hugs*

[forwardedtoenigma]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

My deepest condolences in the death of your father. Both of my parents died "young" - it is hard.

I think therapy can help you in regard to your relationship with your sister. You can only support her so much without sacrificing your well-being. Boundaries need to be set in place and it will help both of you. *hugs*

Thank you so much for your support, my dear friend. It means a lot to me.

But how can I set those boundaries? I really need to do that. Maybe, I need to become dominant over her. but... How to do that???

[online user]

Having set boundaries doesn't necessarily mean you have to be dominant over your sister. It means you have things which are yours and things which are hers and respect for each other's things...maybe you have routines that work, like MWF you get to pick the TV channel and TuThSat she does. Look at the things which are causing fights and see if you can each give some and set a routine. Whoever helps with cooking dinner doesn't do dishes--the other one cleans up after dinner. Having a therapist would help you work through some of these things as it doesn't sound like your sister has much inclination to work with you on resolving these things.

Pulling for you to be successful!