[Delljoy]

Even though my life has not always gone according to plan, I can honestly say I've never suffered a day of depression in my life, infact I'm an optimist, a glass half full sort of girl. But I'm intimately familiar with depression, having trained as a psychotherapist and had friends and patients suffering from depression, and my heart bleeds for anyone with this condition.
I've never had much luck in matters of the heart but due to my positive outlook have always managed to bounce back from each disappointing love affair, and be keen and willing to 'get back on the horse'.

I met Mitch nearly 2 years ago and we were both pretty keen right from the start. Three months into the relationship we declared our love for each other, then he promptly dumps me....no explanation what so ever. Three months later he re-enters my life again, our love is rekindled and we go on an extended holiday together. He has moments of true sadness, none of it directed at me, and we got on well and our relationship developed.....I never even imagined that he suffered from depression....

Shortly following our return from holiday, he becomes very flat, disinterested in anything, starts to withdraw from me and tells me it's over. I was devastated, as you can imagine, but a few short days later he comes back to me. Our relationship develops over the next year, mainly positively, but he does have odd days where he appears really sad and finds it difficult to communicate with me. He admits to once being diagnoses with bipolar and having therapy and medication for it, but that was 8 years ago and he had been 'well' since. I agreed with him, as we were really getting on well, the majority of the time he seemed very happy and 'normal'. We were very close, talked about any thing and everything.

This year we decided to go overseas again. Our relationship was safe, secure, and on a different plain this year, I never dreamed the same would happen again when we got back, but it did. He is about as depressed as I've ever seen anybody being, and I didn't see it coming. He has again pushed me away and told me he doesn't want to see me again, that he is pathetic and worthless. I can't believe that I'm in this place again, having no contact with the man I love, and laying awake at night worrying about him. I thought we had got beyond this, that whatever was going on with him, I would always be involved, not pushed away. I had dreams of longevity, marriage and living together, and now feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. I can't believe I'm here again!

[gayleggg]

Depression is really hard on loved ones, as I'm sure you already know. Living with someone who is unmedicated and bipolar is even harder. Can you talk him into seeing a doctor? Otherwise, he will keep having these mood swings. Sorry that it's breaking your heart but it's not personal. He's just sick and needs help.
Gayle

[Delljoy]

I'm beginning to believe he has gone back to America to try and make himself feel better. It could be the reason I haven't heard from him......and he did do the same last year, but ended up feeling better not worse. As time passes I'm getting worried about his well being. It's just a waiting game at the moment....

[mudgey]

I have been like this- the one with depression that pushes away. I've been married for 10 years and I go in and out of long periods where I don't like or really want to be with my husband. Somehow we have gotten through it. It is very difficult for him to understand as he has never felt this way or had depression. I have no idea how to explain to him how I feel. Now I cycle faster between up and down moods which makes it worse sometimes. Any weird trigger and I go down quickly- even if I was happy earlier. It is very confusing to him, but he has stuck. Im sorry this man can't get himself to a place where he can learn to deal with his own internal and still share love with you. You seem to want to stick and make it work which is key for someone with depression to have. Medication is definitely key for me, but some people just don't want to medicate themselves. I wish I had some advice or way to make it feel better. One day at a time. I do believe everything happens for a reason, but it sounds like your emotions have been tossed around so much. I hope it gets better somehow.

[Delljoy]

Well he hasn't gone back to America. He is still here, holed up in a motel room somewhere. I had a brief email from him, mainly in response to mine telling me how concerned I am about him.
At least I know he is ok, hasn't done anything silly. From the tone of his email, he is still depressed, he hasn't turned his cell phone on yet, and is obviously not ready to face life yet. He says he hasn't made any decisions what to do yet....