[Delljoy]

My depressed partner is hanging out in a motel, not talking to me, his cell phone turned off.....not talking to the world. We had just come back from 10 weeks holiday in America with each other 24/7 and having an amazing loving time. He has been 'hiding out' a week now with very little contact with me. I hadn't heard from him since last Saturday when I almost had to threaten to make a fuss and get the police in...( it was out of character for him to go so long without contact, and when I last saw him last Saturday he was unbelievably depressed, talking about being pathetic, crazy and worthless, so I was naturally very concerned). Anyway after my email telling him I was very concerned and was thinking of registering him as a missing person with the police, he emailed me straight back, then another email on the same day, saying he didn't want to feel how he was, that he had no money left, no prospects, and his future was looking bleak, that he couldn't see me at the moment as he had to pretend that everything was ok around me...so if I could just leave him be for the moment. Anyway I sent him a very supportive email in reply. That was Thursday and its now Saturday and I've heard nothing from him since them, besides me sending him loving, supportive and 'I miss you' emails on a daily basis.
My question is, how long am I supposed to give him? This is breaking my heart, not knowing what's going on with him. I miss him so much, it's almost like a physical pain. I'm trying hard to stay positive, but I'm finding anger at him and the way he's treating me creeping into my thoughts and I don't like that...
We have been together 22 months, our relationship was a bit shaky initially but we have been steady and happy for the last 16 months or so. I'm going crazy....

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Delljoy

...I'm finding anger at him and the way he's treating me creeping into my thoughts and I don't like that...

Setting all the relationship issues aside (as far as that's possible), you are reaching or have reached the point where you have to give priority to your own emotional well-being. Try to do what you know will help you recover some internal calm.

[Trippin2.0]

My bf goes no-contact for approximately 2 week stretches on average every couple of months.

Was hard to deal with at first, still is to a certain degree, but he's assured me that he's safe and just needs a time out, without putting on a face for me or anyone else.

Nonetheless I did freak out and spent a total of 16 hrs with him on Wednesday... Not a freak out about his depression per sé, more me being insecure, so he told me to come over to reassure me.

I hear you I do, and have no idea how long he needs, its very individual.

[Delljoy]

I've just had an email from him.....why the hell he doesn't just turn on his phone is beyond me, asking him to meet him at some pub to discuss things further. What the hell does that mean? If he's about to dump me I won't accept it as I'm 100% sure he loves me. But I haven't got a positive feeling about this....help!

[Trippin2.0]

Breath.... Inhale count to 5, exhale slowly through your nose and count back from 5.

You don't know what it is, no use stressing yourself out with speculation.

You may not be the only 1 looking for him, so his phone is not attractive right now, its a nuisance actually. Emails are quieter and calmer...

Go meet him and listen to what he has to say, then take it from there

[Delljoy]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Breath.... Inhale count to 5, exhale slowly through your nose and count back from 5.

You don't know what it is, no use stressing yourself out with speculation.

You may not be the only 1 looking for him, so his phone is not attractive right now, its a nuisance actually. Emails are quieter and calmer...

Go meet him and listen to what he has to say, then take it from there

He was supposed to email back at 11, that's nearly a hour ago to confirm our meeting, but I haven't heard back from him.....now I'm thinking he's changed his mind.

[Trippin2.0]

That's just more speculation. I know when I'm depressed I sleep like it going out of fashion. Zero energy, he could have unintentionlly nodded off.

Send him a reminder email to let him know you've been expecting a response.

Then go do something distracting to give your busy worried brain a well deserved break.

[Delljoy]

I've still had no news from him. I've sent him another email telling him the time I will be at the pub and that I will meet him there at that time. It is approx a 2 hour drive from where I am currently and I will be mega pissed off if he isn't there.....

[Trippin2.0]

Keep me updated

[Delljoy]

I've got fingers and toes crossed that he is there and at least I can see for myself that he is ok, and maybe we can bash things out. I'm pretty tenacious and I won't give up...

[Delljoy]

Well it turned out to be a very strange evening.....mainly positive I think....but who can tell with a depressed man.
I arrived at the meeting place half hour early. The pub car park was packed and the pub itself looked a bit rough, so I decided to park down the road and walk up to the pub.
I haven't seen my man for a week, and had been missing him dreadfully so my plan was to knock his socks off, so as you can imagine, I was dressed up. I had a mini skirt on, nice top and high heels and I felt beautiful and sexy and was feeling positive about the nights outcome.
As I was walking up the road I had several lewd comments from men and started to feel a bit uncomfortable. I noticed a parking spot right in front of the pub and thought I'd return to my car then drive up to the parking spot and sit there in the car waiting for him to arrive. I was sure I would be in a good spot to observe him entering the bar.
I returned to my car and drove further up the side road I was parked on with the intention of turning round when out of the corner of my eye I spotted his car in a local motel car park! I couldn't believe my luck, perhaps I wouldn't have to near that dreadful pub. I went to the room the car was parked in front of, recognised one of his shirts hung up by the window and banged on the door.....no answer! Oh well perhaps he was at the pub already. I returned to my car, and answered a text message from my daughter asking me if I was ok, when in my side vision I noticed a dark shape standing right next to my car. I freaked out a bit imagining it was one of the clientele from the bar, but when I looked up it was Mitch, and he had a shocked expression on his face.....I thought I recognised that car and that woman he said....what are you doing here. I got out the car, relieved gave him a big kiss and a hug which he appeared a bit reluctant to return but I did notice his hand went straight to rest on my ***.
I told him I was early, I was here to meet him in the middle pub at 7 as arranged....he looked confused. I explained that when he had emailed to suggest we meet at 1pm for a chat, and that he would check his emails later in the day to confirm, that I had emailed straight back to say that my car was having some work done and wouldn't be finished until 4ish and that I could meet him at 7. As I hadn't heard anything back from him, I came on the off chance that he had got my email and hadn't been able to reply. He announced that he couldn't check his emails later that day because his Internet dropped out and that he waited more than 2 hours for me at 1pm. Reading in between the lines, I guess he had been very worried. I was elated that despite everything we had managed to find each other, and raved on about fate, and it was meant to be etc.
We went to the pub and had dinner, and I deliberately kept the conversation light. I was just so happy to see him, I didn't want to get into anything too heavy. He wasn't his most chatty self, and certainly wasn't back to normal but was much improved from the morose, monosyllabic responses I'd got from him the week before! We then went back to his motel room. His room consisted of a single bed and a double bed. We are both big people, I'm 5 foot 9 and of athletic build and he is 6 foot 2, and during our travellers, generally if we had anything smaller than a king size bed, we would cuddle and then spend the night in separate beds. I took my shoes off and laid on the double bed and turned the tv on, he laid on the bed next to me. I started to rub his shoulders and he stiffened up saying he wasn't going to have sex with me, I asked why and he said he just wasn't in the mood. I said ok, I was cool with that......but never underestimate the feminine wiles of a woman in love!
I just cuddled him and continued my gentle massage. I then announced it was hot in the room and stripped down to my very sexy lingerie and took every opportunity to lean over him.....poor bugger didn't stand a chance. I made the whole evening all about him, doing his favourite things, but I kept the conversation light, didn't ask him how he was feeling, didn't mention his depression, didn't ask if he had made any plans yet....I just left it easy. I thought he would move over to the other bed later, but he didn't, we both slept in the small bed all night.
The next morning I left fairly early, I again didn't ask what his plans were but just kissed him, told him I loved him and said I'd see him soon...
How did I go guys?