[dogzrule]

I haven't written here in a while. Thanks to anyone that can offer any help or support.

I was in an abusive relationship a year ago. After I was beaten up the worse I ever was by my ex, I attempted suicide. I can happily say I do not have those feelings anymore, I am in a wonderful new relationship with someone I've known as a friend for three years before we dated, and for the most part I am moving on with my life.

However, the closer it gets to the protective order's expiration (I took my ex to court and won for a protective order), the more often I wake up in the middle of the night to a nightmare where he's trying to kill me. The dreams are extremely vivid and troublesome. I haven't heard from him since the protective order was issued, which is good, but he does live in the same town as me and knows where I live. I'm afraid that once the protective order is up he'll start showing up again because he's not legally banned from being 200 feet from my house or place of work. The dreams have increased in recent weeks from maybe one dream per week, to 2 or 3 dreams per week, and this past week it has been most nights. I have just over a month until the protective order expires. I've already bought additional locks for my house and I have a firearm for protection if he intrudes in my house. I still can't help being scared.

Does anyone have any similar experiences? I'm holding onto the fact that at least he's left me alone this long.

[Rohag]

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, Dogzrule.

Perhaps it would be best for you to approach these as two separate issues: 1) your personal safety, and 2) your concerns for your personal safety.

It appears you are taking reasonable steps to secure yourself. Consult with knowledgeable people on the sufficiency of those steps in view of the potential threat. On the other hand, with your psychological history the nightmares and fear represent a different kind of problem and threat. How well do your pdoc/therapist/doctor know your current suffering?

[dogzrule]

Originally Posted by Rohag

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, Dogzrule.

Perhaps it would be best for you to approach these as two separate issues: 1) your personal safety, and 2) your concerns for your personal safety.

It appears you are taking reasonable steps to secure yourself. Consult with knowledgeable people on the sufficiency of those steps in view of the potential threat. On the other hand, with your psychological history the nightmares and fear represent a different kind of problem and threat. How well do your pdoc/therapist/doctor know your current suffering?

Thanks for the response! I have an appointment next week with one of my doctors, so I will ask then. One thing my therapist and I have talked about is self-guided relaxation (I have a few apps on my phone), especially before I go to bed. This does help, especially right before I am going to bed, but it doesn't necessarily help the dreams once I am asleep.

I broke up with my ex over half a year ago now, but I was the one that had trouble letting go of the relationship. I felt very betrayed at one point and wanted to know if he had fallen in love with someone else before I broke him with him (hence, the brake up). I now realize I could've been more mature about it and accepted that he had and just didn't want to take it there.

I didn't try to harm him nor did I plan to, but I was showing up at our apartment to confront him about what I suspected. Unfortunately, we had sex two of the times I went over our apartment (we had it leased in both our names for a few more months). I had been with him three years and had known him for three and a half at that point and felt that the way he went about handling this was a slap in the face. At my lowest point I signed into his accounts. Feeling ashamed, I told him what I had done and that I was sorry.

Looking back on that, I feel very ashamed and embarrassed, because I should have had more respect for myself, even if he didn't honor me as his partner of three years the way I thought he would if he fell for someone else. This being my first lt relationship with a guy and him being my first legit love wasn't an excuse. I sometimes wonder if he has a restraining order against me for fear of me coming back (can someone get one without the restrained in question's knowledge anyway? I think it's probably rare, but I wouldn't be surprised if he managed it, lol) or if he has a weapon because perhaps he feels it's something he needs in my case since the last time I saw him, he hid a knife in his dresser for protection, supposedly to use against a stranger if one broke in. That was a wake up call for me.

It's been over half a year, and quite a year at that, but I can confidently say that I have made my peace with it. I learned a lot from my mistakes, and from life in general because of that. If your ex has managed to perhaps re-evaluate his life to understand and accept the reality of what happened, that what you two had is over and that the circumstances do not change anything (I am beginning to realize that in life, they hardly ever do), then you should be alright. From personal experience, my ex is the furthest thing from my mind, he has been for a while now. Perhaps your ex has stepped back and taken a look at the bigger picture as well, and decided to abandon his unresolved feelings toward you.

Hope this finds you well