[damajdancer]

I havent posted here for a while, mostly because I have been messing up so much in my life and I didn't really know how to ask for any support, or how to just vent. But I think I got up the nerve to do it.

I was threatened by some guys at my school, they said they knew that I was raped and about everything that followed. They told me if I don't give them what they want, they are going to get what they want no matter what. While they were threatening me, they cut up my chest very badly. So I have been skipping school for a long time just to stay away from them.

I started smoking pot again, and I hate myself for doing it. I know I should just stop right now, but I cant.
I have been cutting myself like crazy, I just cant stop. I hate myself so much.

My depression is just horrible, I cant do anything. Most of my day, I'm just sitting there staring with a blank mind, but then when I try to sleep, my mind goes psycho, and I cant stop thinking about how horrible and worthless I am.

My T left me, thats the second time that has happened to me. And since I have no real family, I have to find a new T on my own, but I just cant get myself to do it. I dont deserve a T, I dont deserve anyone, I am back to doing everything I had worked so hard to get away from, no one can help me any more....it's like I'm non-fixable.

Anyways, I really missed you guys, and I hope I can get myself on here more, I'm going to try.
Thanx for listening to me blab.
-Megan-

[Rhapsody]

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this....... ((( hugs )))) - have you told any one about these threats or have you thought about reporting them to the police?

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[Bethsway]

damajdancer my heart goes out to you!!! I hope you find a therapist as soon as possible...You cannot go through this alone...! Also did you give those letters out? Please if you have to go to your counselor at school...maybe she can help you find another therapist...!

[dcs_no1_fan]

Im so sorry to read what you have been through it must have been so hard for you I hope that you get help & find a new T soon

Take Care

[damajdancer]

Thanx guys for all the hugs and stuff.

Rhapsody, I havent told the police, mostly because I have done other things in the past, and they might not believe me, or they will take me away for my past bad choices.

Bethsway, I havent sent the letters, I dont know what to say, no one will understand me, they all hate me already. My school counselor won't help me, she hates me because of how I act at school...I have a problem with authority.

dcs no1 fan, I hope I can find a new T soon also...thank you.

Thanx again,
-Megan-

Please keep trying to get help. I can't imagine the horror of what you have gone through, but there are caring people out there who will be able to help you. How old are you?--Suzy

[damajdancer]

Thank you Suzy, I'm trying to just get myself to want to get help right now.
I am 13