[verySadPerson]

Hello. I apologize, I'm not exactly sure how to go about this. But I do know I am extremely depressed, confused and scared. I'll explain the best I can. I'm going to my physician on Monday to try yet another round of anti depressants that before have had no affect other than making me sick or extremely jittery and panicky.

I harbor a lot of guilt. I left home when I was seventeen and never looked back. I'm now 32. I eventually made my way down south and met a young woman who I literally put my life into. We were married and have been together for 12 years now. About 4 years ago, we bought a house. During that time, tragedy struck and I found out she was seeing another man. It was a year before her relationship with him ended I fought long and hard to keep our marriage afloat. Going as far as to call him and such during this time to tell him to back off. But I wasn't prepared for the emotional trauma I would endure. And it has lasted for 4 straight years.

Our marriage is suffering. She is the type that does not want to talk about things and says basically I need to get help. I have completely stayed away from drinking because I'm afraid of losing any grip on myself I have left. This was a wrench in the gears and came out of no where. My family up north has always thought we were the best couple. I can't talk to them about this because I fear the humiliation and the fact I don't want her to be tarnished in their eyes. Her family knew about the affair. Her brother and mother were the only ones their to help me through this. I fear now though that because of tge trauma and depression I can't seem to get through, our relationship is taking a downward spiral.

I don't know If I can handle the greif, humiliation and shock of losing everything I have worked for and poured my life into for 12 years. I never thought this would happen. I don't want to start over or face my family. But it hurts so much more knowing the person you are, the genuine me, was not good enough. I've never truly got to the bottom of this. She says I'm an amazing person but avoids conversation about this like the plague.

I remember when I had my suspicions. I saw some of her emails to him and my heart literally broke in my chest. I couldn't breath. It was such a shock. The thing that sticks out the most is her telling him she doesn't want to hurt me. Than why do it? Am I just completely naive? I endure thoughts and pain every single day and I have no where to turn. My family doesn't know. My friends don't know. I feel completely alone and weak and I don't know how to move on. Or forgive. It seems now like my whole life is a lie. Not seeing my sisters grow up, or be there for my grandmother, was for nothing. I firmly believed I was loved and appreciated. I trusted her iwhen we got married. Bought a house. Took in her brother. Yet I am now more alone, in a house full of people, than I ever have been in my whole life.

[optimize990h]

Hello, verySadPerson.



A marriage counselor could be considered, but the information you related that may not be possible. You could also consider legal advice as well. Here are some links that may result in feedback for your situation.

Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central
Depression - Forums at Psych Central
Coping with Emotions - Forums at Psych Central
Grief and Loss - Forums at Psych Central

I have put the link to grief and loss because it is like you have been grieving over the relationship and trust you once had with your partner. That's also why I mentioned legal advice as a possible option, just to cover all bases(like a Girl Guide, always better to be prepared for anything.) Take care.