[izzyfg2000]

ever since i told my dad about my issue, things have gotten better, and ive made some pretty great friends at school. I'm still the insecure, anxious person ive always been, but i dont feel the immense sadness i used to feel all the time. I still have those moments were i feel pretty sad, though. But, ive noticed something kind of strange...it's really difficult for me to explain, but ill try my best.
I am so glad that i told my dad, and that ive made friends, and that im starting to feel truly happy again, dont get me wrong, but, it's almost like my brain or my body or something wants me to be sad again... i will force myself to cry sometimes, and i dont want to, but i feel like im out of control of my brain...it's so strange. It's almost like im addicted to it...

sorry if this seems really weird to you, but i just want some help with understanding this. If any of you could tell me if this is a regular thing or what, id really really appreciate it.

[Samanthagreene]

I actually really understand that. Sometimes, I'll smile or laugh, and part of my brain will say, "You can't laugh; you're depressed." It's really weird and it makes me feel like the whole thing is in my head. I don't know if this is regular, but I certainly do it all the time. Congrats on telling someone, by the way.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by izzyfg2000

...it's almost like my brain or my body or something wants me to be sad again...

I think a psychologist might say your personal "hardwired" "baseline mood" is what the majority of the population would regard as "sad," and that you have found ways to live above that baseline. Your brain/body wants to return you to your baseline, and that is what you feel.

(I'm a psych patient, not a psychologist. This "baseline" idea is a topic for discussion with someone working in the psych world.)

If you've found ways to live above a depressed baseline - more power to you!