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#1
Oct 07, 2013, 09:59 PM
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I wish you knew how you make me feel. Sometimes your words make me want to hurt myself. I feel wonderful when you approve, but still nervous. I have stomach cramps and trouble breathing when I have to speak with you. I want more than anything for you to be proud and not say negative things. I want to feel comfortable and proud of myself and capable. I try so so hard. I make mistakes sometimes. I'm not proud of it. I want this degree so much. I love the kids so much. I wish I weren't so afraid of the job and of you and of life. I wish you knew that I am a good, hard working person. I wish you knew how much I love the kids. I wish you knew how much I love music. I wish you knew how much I wish you cared for me enough to be understanding and helpful instead of harsh and hurtful. I understand it's your job to criticize me so that I can get better, but I wish you wouldn't torment me needlessly. I wish you could think of me in terms of a human being, a good woman, someone worth caring about, someone who was a child once, just like you, just like your daughter. I wish you could see me with the eyes of God. I wish you could see that I am merely flawed, but I want to get better so badly. I want your help, not your spite and hate and bullying. I wish you knew me.
__________________
"Just as a jewel that has been buried in the earth for a million years is not discolored or harmed, in the same way this noble heart is not affected by all of our kicking and screaming. The jewel can be brought out into the light at any time, and it will glow as brilliantly as if nothing had ever happened. No matter how committed we are to unkindness, selfishness, or greed, the genuine heart of bodhichitta cannot be lost. It is here in all that lives, never marred and completely whole."
Pema Chodron |
 Anonymous100108, gayleggg, JaneHB, optimize990h
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#2
Oct 07, 2013, 10:05 PM
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__________________
I get fed, don't worry.   (Buddy putting in his 2bits worth)
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 autumnleaves
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#3
Oct 08, 2013, 03:51 AM
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Know that you are thousands of times better than any bully
xxx |
| autumnleaves
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#4
Oct 08, 2013, 09:55 AM
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I would argue that term you used "that I am flawed".
No - you are not flawed. You just have a *need* that not everyone has. God created you perfectly. He created you for a reason.... You will succeed - I can feel it. |
| autumnleaves
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#5
Oct 08, 2013, 10:17 AM
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I hope your depression lifts soon. When it lifts you will have a brighter outlook on life in general and be able to handle such an aggressive supervisor. I know it must be very stressful to have such an insensitive supervisor. Try to take care of yourself, especially, get pleant of rest. Wishing you the best.
__________________
Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha  |
| autumnleaves
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#6
Oct 08, 2013, 12:18 PM
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I wish I could write like you. Your supervisor is very harsh indeed and I hope that he/she treats you with the respect you deserve. Best wishes to you.
__________________
"The two most important days in your life are the day you were born.... and the day you find out why" ~ Mark Twain |
| autumnleaves
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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