i hope this isnt mania

CrookedSmile · 01:42 PM

so last night I spent the whole night talking to myself and I asked myself "Why are you depressed? I mean its not like you want to be, right?"...so I decided not to be...I mean my life is a perfect cliché...I am a boxer who was losing, hail I lost my will to keep on fighting, both in life and in boxing, till late last night or early in the morning, rereading everything I have ever put up here, it all made sense...my "face of stone" and me feeling numb all the time is perfect for when I get punched...I mean everyone already knows me as the kid that could take a lot of punishment but that can dish it out as well because there is something inside of me, "My True Being", that always wants to escape but everyone is too afraid to actually see, so i keep it at bay till i am boxing and it comes out not so much destructively as it would seem but with beauty because the beast is tamed and under my control, not the control of the people around me...not anymore...I just have to keep on fighting but I also have to learn to stop fighting with myself...I mean the only person you really have is yourself, your one and only shadow leaves you before you sleep so I cant really rely on someone else, say a psychiatrist or therapist to tell me to take all this medicine to make me feel worse about myself so that i can keep on going back to them...don't think so...I thank all of you for all of the support and guidance, you have ALL given me something in the short time I have been a member, so don't think ima just up and delete my account, ima still help out if I see its a subject I can help with and if i need someone I know exactly where to go...Psychcentral.com...thank you all so very very much...words cant even express the gratitude i feel towards this website and everyone on it...thank you

Much Love

From The Boxing Clown with the Crooked Smile