[restler]

I'm having some trouble expressing how truly depressed i'm feeling as of late. I don't really have any friends i can turn to at the moment and i heavily rely on my psychiatrist to understand and support me through this difficult time. I'm dealing (And very much struggling) with past sexual and physical trauma as well as current emotional abuse and severe self esteem issues which is making it very difficult to feign normalcy.. I'm 18 and working full time but i don't know if i can do this anymore. It's getting harder and harder to pretend. However, i can't seem to get this across to my psychiatrist ..I've been trying to express that i'm really not coping but I can't help but feel pathetic and even attention seeking with anything i come out with and i'm continuously beating myself up because i don't think i've gotten it across yet. I feel as if he never sees how truly depressed i am because our 1 hour weekly session - as sad as it is -, is the major highlight of my week so i often go in there feeling pretty okay but come out feeling more depressed than ever as i'm essentially on my own till the following week when i see him again.Without him i wouldn't be here today and i need him to understand but i just don't know how. How can i get across how desperate and hopeless i'm feeling?
Thank you

[gayleggg]

Maybe journaling might help. Write down your feelings each day and share them with you Psychiatrist. And sometimes just writing them down will help you feel better.

[Rohag]

You could always print out your post in large, easy-to-read format and hand it to him the first thing when you next meet. I and some others here have done similar things, particularly when it's too hard for us to express ourselves for one reason or another.

Be prepared to answer the "How desperate are you?" question.

Originally Posted by restler

...current emotional abuse...

My observation is the effectiveness of meds and therapy are diminished by ongoing abuse. Stopping or fleeing that abuse may be necessary for you to make significant progress.

Please keep posting, Restler.

[allme]

Hi, sorry you feel so bad

Maybe print out what you wrote here and show it to T? Or write T a letter perhaps?

Hope you're feeling better soon

Originally Posted by gayleggg

Maybe journaling might help. Write down your feelings each day and share them with you Psychiatrist. And sometimes just writing them down will help you feel better.

i really need to start my journal up again (maybe), but right now i'm going through 1 of those... well, i call it writer's block- even though it's not really proper writer's block

it's where i've so many thoughts and depressing emotions, and i know what they are.. but can't write about them

so yeah. writers block.. unless someone can come up with a better name

[Fuzzybear]

[ToeJam]

I agree with writing notes/letters/anything that gets your feelings across.

I've started doing the same as I agree with you in regards to being 'ok' when you see a T. I find I'm in the same boat half the time and it's infuriating to be talking about how you feel when at that given time you're just glad to be there.

By writing and storing snippets of your experiences when depression hits hard, you are then able to give them first hand accounts when your mind and behavior is actually fractured. + it makes it less direct, you're not choking over physical words directly to the T, you're handing them a piece of paper that has it all there.

Good luck and keep at it

[restler]

Thank you so much everybody for your advice and help. It means the world to have so many people respond and offer me such helpful tips. i have been writing down my thoughts and feelings for months now but i'm very self conscious about revealing exactly what i write and generally just use it as a guideline for what to talk about in the session. I think i might show him this post though...thanks again everybody.

[restler]

That's very true Rohag, and i guess that's why my T has been pushing me to move out of home so much recently as things are getting harder and the abuse is ongoing. It's strange though because as much as i want to move out and am aware of how much i need to move out in order to progress mentally, there is some sort of fear - or something - holding me back and keeping me static...Anyway, thanks for your reply! Really really appreciate it!