[ann1969]

Hello! I'm new to this site and thought what the heck, I'll reach out to others experiencing similar issues. Bottom line, the last 3 years of my life have been complete hell. Now I am depressed, having bad anxiety, insomnia and feel bad all of the time. Brief summary of events leading up to my life now; 15 year old daughter wanted to live with her dad to get to know him, as a result I had to pay a lot of child support and lost my apartment. Had to rent a room and that failed horribly. My father lost his mind to bipolar episodes and my mother took ill with stage 3 cancer. Keep in mind this happened in a six month period! So my job at the time is fine, been there for 5+ years and no issues. I took FMLA time to help my mom during treatments. BAM out of the blue my job ends, laid off along with countless others. Major depression sets in. Unemployment comes through but it isn't enough to keep head above water. I move in with my mom and help her during treatments while looking for work. Mom gets worse and dies in our home. I grieve and slip into deeper depression for about 4 months. Daughter comes back home right after mom's death. BAM another huge adjustment. Still looking for work and sinking into deeper financial hole. OH and my daughter's father will not pay a dime in child support. He doesn't work! 8 months go by and no success finding work. I am down to my last dollars and about to lose everything. I am college educated and have experience in my line of work and yet unable to find work. I will be homeless soon and lose pretty much everything. The stress of finances has compounded my existing issues with other stuff going on now and in the past few years. It is almost crippling. I am tired all of the time. Can't sleep, when I do I wake up tired and hands hurt, back hurts. I sleep with my fists clinched. I have anxiety attacks that are so bad I nearly pass out. Keep in mind I have been a "rock" through the years and never had these issues until the last few years. I need to mention I have little family left. Only 1 sibling and he lives far away from me and a few distant cousins who don't give a bleep about me. (Never have). My daughter is all I have. I don't have medical insurance and can't get help. I take Ativan as needed (prescribed to me during my mom's illness to help me cope I suppose). I have not been on any anti-depressants and truthfully I am afraid of them. I keep telling myself that a pill will not 'fix' the problems that cause me stress; no job, no money, no self esteem etc. I try to tough it out and stay positive and be persistent. I am running out of steam. I don't know what to do. Anyone reading this I welcome your input. I can honestly say I have never felt this horrible and hopeless. Its hard to put into words. I am in a 'rut' and feel like it is all due to circumstances I cannot control. I have tried everything! Thanks for reading my story and hope some of you guys will respond to me. Thank you!

[Poppy Princess]

I'll write a longer response later. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for you and want to give you a hug <3

I hope things get better soon.

[winter4me]

You are in a crisis. (& I am anxious just reading it, it hits a little too close to home)
If you can; do get in touch with brother to see if (?there are jobs in the area, could you and daughter stay with him a few months to find a job and apt.?----) or same with a good friend. Or/AND, call your PCP if you have one you trust and make an appt., give him/her the post (before that tell them what you are looking for is "Where do I go to get help in this community? Where do I begin? and Would a med. help me feel calmer, less depressed while trying to get my life back together.) Have you applied for unemployment? With that, also, go to social service agency and find out about/apply for subsidized (or temporary) housing/food stamps etc.
This is a terrible situation. [How is daughter doing? She is young, but perhaps could get a part time job to help out and to help her cope also, she is used to you being the rock and it may be very hard for her to see you any other way, or to even 'believe' you can't manage it all like you always have]---use the local soup kitchen, food bank, Anything that will help feed you, cut expenses, get what you need.
I am so sorry, so so sorry...you are dealing with the results of things out of your control. Also, try to take on just one "deal with it" task a day, break it down and prioritize your needs and take it one at a time. Do reach out for any help you can get. Since you have not been "here" before, you might be better at this than some of us who have long term anxiety/panic/depression issues---this is situational, and your reactions are Normal given the situation. Keep posting...((((((hug)))))))
If you own things, sell them online or on consignment. If you own a house, consider selling, sorry-----------just throwing things out there.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Ann1969.
211 LA County - United Way/AIRS
You have basic survival issues to address while depressed/anxious. I believe you will need some sort of external assistance.

[ann1969]

Thank you for the replies! I had two job interviews this week and I'm really trying. When you meet me you would not know I have these problems. I dress immaculately, I'm tall, fairly pretty, well spoken, and very professional. I don't want the interviewers to know how desperate I am for a job. I have considered leaving the state hoping there will be better opportunities elsewhere. Where though, I don't know, probably Texas or Utah. I just don't want to make a huge move during my 'crisis'. I think a major change like that may not be good at a time like this. I don't know. Winter4me you are right, my situation/anxiety, etc. may be temporary, its just a super long 'temporary' time. I am not kidding, it is one thing after another that has happened to me. A string of bad things. I had a recruiter call me about a job yesterday afternoon and she told me something no one ever has. "Your resume is superb". That made my day! She wants to interview me next week. That made me smile and gives me a glimmer of hope. To be recognized as superb is priceless; after years of working full time and studying for hours every night to get a B.S in Business and an MBA. I worked hard for my degrees and it seems like they are not helping in my job search.

[ann1969]

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

I'll write a longer response later. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for you and want to give you a hug <3

I hope things get better soon.

Thank u! I had a tough time this morning. Sometimes I wake up and my mind races. I start to think of my mom and a wave of grief washes over me. Then I cry. Then I get out of bed tired. Drag myself to the kitchen, make coffee, then sit down and check my email, praying I will have a job interview or good news. I'm glad I found this site as it is nice to be able to chat with you guys. Thanks for being there for me!

[Fuzzybear]

[gayleggg]

Good luck on the job interviews! I very sorry for all you have had to bare. It is too much for one person to handle alone. Hope you let us a PC help you get through this tough time. Post when ever you feel the need. Let us be your shoulder to cry on.