[Lexi232]

i'm just not liking that things seemed to get really bad and all change to where i'm on my own really now, and its yet again the long holiday breaks kind of months here. i sit around and get to hear people talk about their plans for the thanksgiving break. and most have even said they dont care if anyone does something here for anyone or not, because they wont be here. and anyone else in the room has other plans as well. i'm more alone this year than i was last year. atleast i still had group and last thanksgiving i was thinking back, i actually didn't have to spend it alone, even tho i didn't get to be at the group home because i moved out a week before, but i got to go over to a staff's family's thanksgiving dinner that i was close to while living there. And christmas i went to a christmas dinner thing, which i doubt i will be alowed to goto that this year because its something that doesn't match the treatment plan that was currently made for me. with all the thanksgiving and family talk that goes on downstairs lately, causes me to remember being in the temporary mental hospitals, and watching other people getting parents and family visits every day, and most would get take out food to eat. i watched it all.. and usually was the only one without a visitor. i ended up being there that time a longer than normal time(i was about 20yr that last time; but things like this went on since i was 7-ish, but i didn't have anyone there that would help me get through it and feel better that i can remember up until the more recent times (since i was 20ish). and i would end up in my room crying with my face planted into my pillow when i couldn't handle standing out around all of that, and staying in the shadows of the large room any longer. that not only was the community room, but also became a huge visitors room when it was visiting hours. That started getting better because staff had started coming over and would actually play games with me and even shared some of their dinner with me a few times (where i first heard of jimmy johns). and we played a lot of games through that period of my life. and at one point i was the only person on the unit, that became odd, but we played games on more of a any time of the day kind of timing. and then when staff started (i guess "going above and beyond the job title" would work to describe it here), i wasn't left to observe and watch everyone else around me. since then i guess i got used to that kind of thing with not having any family to be around when all others around us would have family plans, but even tho i'm used to it, it's still having an effect on me right now.. also i lost someone i held close to me on thanksgiving week. so that makes it an even rougher week.. and she wasn't even a year old yet. and i can't even listen to a certain song by phil collins because it was the first thing that popped into my head one day when she was screaming from teething, and i started singing it, and she suddenly stopped and just watched me, and calmed down. i thought i sang horriblely, but the look on her face, and the reaction i got from her, said that she thought differently.

but i've gotten guarded or numb .. numb fits better for how i feel when i dont have any family. Like when i was first admitted into the physical hospital from the ER, i didn't even know the process, but nurses and staff thought i must of been their quite often due to there was no family that came, which they assumed was because family doesn't get worried after so many times... that was the first time i had ever been admitted into the physical hospital.. and the first time that i didnt even know that was a possiblitiy when going into the ER until it happened. but i didn't have any family there either.. nurses became my friends until i was discharged, then we kept some touch for a little while. every morning the nurse who would come in to wake me up to take my blood would also french braid my hair.
(i got used to seeing her too because she would come in every four hours to check my blood levels. at night i was able to sleep tho lol...)
but i was in my own room there, so i didn't see any of the going on's that went on outside my room. so i didn't see any family visits or have to watch or anything then.

[unaluna]

We do "meet" here on the hholidays, fwiw. I was in the hospital by myself this time last year - it was better than the time a few years back when my mother finally showed up in the ER around midnight and I had to ask a nurse to throw her out because the smell of cigarette smoke on her from the casino was making me want to puke again, and I was already there for food poisoning. How's your foot boo-boo, btw?

[gayleggg]

Lexi, it breaks my heart, how alone you have been. I'm truely sorry you have no family or friends to share the holidays with, even though, I'm not excited about them myself.

I lost my mom a few years ago and no holiday has been the same without her. She was my rock. And I'm much older than you and I had her around for many years to support me. So knowing that bond I really wish I could put arms around you and give you a hug.

I have spent many holidays alone myself. It does not feel so good when it happens. I feel like I have broken a record by one person who has spent the most holidays alone. It doesn't get easier and better with time. It looks like I will spend Thanksgiving and Christmas alone again (naturally!).

Thanksgiving alone is not that bad for me. But I always feel sadness whenever I cook that dinner and eat alone. Yes, I do the turkey, stuffing, and all those things myself! I wouldn't know anyone to invite because everyone I know has family. I have spent some holidays with others, but I didn't like it at all. I felt awkward being in a family setting that was not mine. Also, my family has split up.

We'll just have to bear with the holidays alone. Since it's early, maybe a Christmas miracle will happen. Who knows?

[SeekerOfLife]

I have no one to spend the holidays with either. I plan on volunteering to work. I am sure there are coworkers who want the day off. Besides, it will give some meaning and purpose to my day.

[Clara22]

Hi,
When I was in the US, Thanksgiving did not mean much to me because it is not a Holiday in my country, so sometimes I spent it by myself and it was OK. But Christmas and New Year were kind of sad, if I spent them alone. Once I went down to the metro station and brought some food to the agent doing the shift. She was happy and me, too. In my country , for different reasons, I chose to be with people that were alone or needed some help. Once I was hospitalized and they were going to release me for the holidays. I shared the room with a girl that was going to spend the holidays at the hospital, so I stayed their with her, and I felt OK, she was happy and I was, too. But sometimes I cannot go out myself to do such things. In general, I know that the best thing to face loneliness is fight against sentiment of abandonment and look for somebody that needs company, do something useful for somebody else. But, again, sometimes I cannot reach out. But in general, if you reach out if you forget about yourself, at the end of the day, you feel better

[Clara22]

sorry if I seem like a preacher above

Well. I'm in Texas, if anybody is interested.......

[BeezNflwrs21]

Sorry, I'd like a break from my holiday chaos, but Texas is a bit far for me. When I've had the luxury of a quiet holiday, I prefer to call up friends and spend the time with them. Texas is sounding awfully nice right now. I'm up in brrrrr cold MN.

[Lexi232]

Thanks everyone

Aww, i used to live in texas.. for more than half of my life.. I'm in Indiana now..

And nope, you dont sound like a preacher

[Clara22]

Lexi, we can chat sometimes during Thanksgiving, I was supposed to travel because of work but now I will be here, I have to cancel my trip because my brother is doing his stuff again, I cannot leave things and go far away from home. So, when exactly is Thanksgiving this year? Ok I am much older than you but we can chat some time. I never did it on this platform but it should be easy. Let me know. Still, consider do something for somebody else, I did it in the past and the holidays went better than alone

Originally Posted by Lexi232

Thanks everyone

Aww, i used to live in texas.. for more than half of my life.. I'm in Indiana now..

And nope, you dont sound like a preacher

Then come on down y'all!!!