[meowmixx88]

So I am new here because I wanted some advice about my boyfriend. We have been together a year and a half but he has suffered from depression all his life. The days when he is good are great, he has more up days then down ones. The down ones are just hard to get through. Sometimes it will last a day, other times it will last a week or two. I know from research that this is not personal and I should not be taking it personally. But when he isolates himself from me, doesn't respond to my calls, or says a flat out "no" when I ask if he wants me to come over or help him out, that's when I take offense. I know it's the depression talking and not him. He is the nicest, funniest, most wonderful person in the world, but I know his depression hurts him and it hurts me too.

My biggest issue though is how helpless I am. He says there's nothing I can do to help and that hurts me because I feel like as his girlfriend I can do something to make him feel better, but I can't. He never talks to me about it, which I understand because he says he would rather talk to his fellow group members. I understand that because he wants to talk to people who are going through the same thing, however I do wish he would open up to me every once and a while.

In short, what can I do? There's nothing I can do to make him feel better and that hurts me alot. I feel like I am failing as a girlfriend because he is just sitting at his house alone being upset and I can't help (he says no when I ask if he wants me to come over to comfort him). I see this as a long term relationship though. We're best friends, he loves me so much, I love him, and we take care of each other. He does not drag me down, I've heard many people say that about their depressed significant others. We have such an amazing relationship, though, I just need help getting through these occasional bad days of his. ANY advice will help. And if anyone else is going through the same thing with their significant other, tell me how you cope with it. It's so hard seeing the one you love the most in so much pain.

[manwithnofriends]

be there for him.

[Travelinglady]

Hello, meowmixx, and welcome to Psych Central! I think the main issue is what NOT to do--which is to try to cheer him up by saying things such as, "What do you have to be depressed about? You really have a great life." And trying to make him feel guilty, as in "You need to get up and do some things around here. Stop being lazy and feeling sorry for yourself!"

Maybe he will let you sit beside him and hold his hand. Make sure he gets to his appointments and takes his medication.

[steffienuts]

Hi! I am new here, too. I have exactly the same problem as yours. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months now but we have known each other online since April of this year, We love each other very much. He's a wonderful man and I also see a long term relationship with him. I only learned about his depression last september when he suddenly disappeared for 3 days, and wouldn't get into skype. I sent him a mail to which he explained to me everything and it actually took him the whole day just to finish the letter. We stayed that way for about 2 weeks. It wasn't that severe compared to what he went through early of this year. However, as I am writing this letter, he has disappeared again for 2 and half weeks now and with no communication at all. He tried to get online but didn't go farther. I knew it was coming because the last time we talked, he was so exhausted from his work and had no enough energy to have a long conversation with me. I am very confused although I am trying my best to cope. I have been searching for answers which was why I landed on this forum. I feel so helpless. We are world's apart and I can't do anything about it except wait for him to come around. I send him mails just to let him know that I am still here lest he worries that I will leave. I miss him so much but letting him know that will only make him more depressed, I think. So, I am learning along the way but I also need support to help me get through.