[Vossie42]

I feel too stupid for school, work, life - everything. Ever since I started on lamotrigine (Lamictal), I've gotten stupid and sloppy. I used to be a star performer that everyone would go to even if their problem had nothing to do with my area of expertise. I could understand the situation well enough to be able to point people in the right direction toward solving their problem. Once I started lamotrigine, the quality of my work became poor. Thereafter my work always contained errors. I used to almost never make mistakes. On lamotrigine, I constantly made the same simple mistakes over and over again. I got fired from two jobs because of my poor work. I tried really hard to overcome the cognitive difficulties imposed by the lamotrigine. All of the pdocs I've had since starting lamotrigine will not take me off of it no matter how mush I beg them. They tell me that my cognitive problems are not due to that particular medication.

Anyway, it's so difficult for me to concentrate and think that I want to drop out of college. It would be so easy to go online, click a few buttons and drop out of school. I'd be done with that misery. I wouldn't have to face another semester of school ever again. I'm going on a cruise over Christmas with my mom. I could jump off the cruise ship and easily end all of my misery. I'm 45 and have been depressed since I was 3. I can't take this anymore. I've never heard of anyone surviving a fall from a cruise ship.

I can't stop crying. No one in my family wants to listen. The depression has gone on for so long that they're tired of it and told me not to talk to them anymore about my depression. I have one friend IRL but she keeps shutting me down by saying that I have no reason to be depressed since I have everything going for me.

I am so far behind on my school work. I watch the minutes go by and I fall behind even more.

I don't know what to do.

[vans1974]

Originally Posted by Vossie42

I feel too stupid for school, work, life - everything. Ever since I started on lamotrigine (Lamictal), I've gotten stupid and sloppy. I used to be a star performer that everyone would go to even if their problem had nothing to do with my area of expertise. I could understand the situation well enough to be able to point people in the right direction toward solving their problem. Once I started lamotrigine, the quality of my work became poor. Thereafter my work always contained errors. I used to almost never make mistakes. On lamotrigine, I constantly made the same simple mistakes over and over again. I got fired from two jobs because of my poor work. I tried really hard to overcome the cognitive difficulties imposed by the lamotrigine. All of the pdocs I've had since starting lamotrigine will not take me off of it no matter how mush I beg them. They tell me that my cognitive problems are not due to that particular medication.

Anyway, it's so difficult for me to concentrate and think that I want to drop out of college. It would be so easy to go online, click a few buttons and drop out of school. I'd be done with that misery. I wouldn't have to face another semester of school ever again. I'm going on a cruise over Christmas with my mom. I could jump off the cruise ship and easily end all of my misery. I'm 45 and have been depressed since I was 3. I can't take this anymore. I've never heard of anyone surviving a fall from a cruise ship.

I can't stop crying. No one in my family wants to listen. The depression has gone on for so long that they're tired of it and told me not to talk to them anymore about my depression. I have one friend IRL but she keeps shutting me down by saying that I have no reason to be depressed since I have everything going for me.

I am so far behind on my school work. I watch the minutes go by and I fall behind even more.

I don't know what to do.

Sorry to hear you're struggling so badly!! When I feel I can't go on anymore I check myself into a psych ward which always makes me feel better.Hang in there and I hope you feel better!!

[Vossie42]

Thanks, Vans, I understand your point. Checking into a psych ward now would feel like failure on my part. However, what price would I put on sanity and relief from this awful depression and brain fog? Too much to think about!

[Rohag]

The lamotrigine and the underlying depression undermine your ability to access your intelligence.

Pardon this question: Is school something you just have to get through for a certification of some sort, or do you really have to learn? If you really have to learn something, it may be best to postpone formal study until such time as you can genuinely benefit from it.

Originally Posted by Vossie42

All of the pdocs I've had since starting lamotrigine will not take me off of it no matter how mush I beg them. They tell me that my cognitive problems are not due to that particular medication.

Have they offered you any proof of their assertion? Are you in a position to give them an ultimatum on lamotrigine?

[Vossie42]

"Pardon this question: Is school something you just have to get through for a certification of some sort, or do you really have to learn? "

I'm going to school to become an accountant. Certainly not the easiest career path! But I've worked in various accounting jobs for the last 12 years and want to move on to the next level. Better job, more intellectual stimulation, more money. The problem right now is that I'm taking 5 classes. I took 3 over the summer and was bored, so I thought that 5 would be a good course load for me. And I'm not working while in school. 5 classes has turned out to be too many classes given the medications I'm on. My pdoc finally let me get off Prozac which sent my anxiety through the roof. I literally felt terrorized all the time. Now I'm on Zoloft which helps a little, I suppose, but not much. I don't sleep well on it. I'll be seeing my doctor again next Monday.

"Have they offered you any proof of their assertion? Are you in a position to give them an ultimatum on lamotrigine?"

No, they haven't - just anecdotal evidence. Funny how they won't accept anecdotal evidence from us but will stick by it when it supports their views. So many psych meds are used off-label that all we really have is anecdotal evidence and not hard, empirical evidence. But then problems arise with empirical evidence because of the people comprising the sample in the experiment don't necessarily reflect the general population of people taking those medications. Also, dosaging is based on 180 lb. 6 ft white males - hardly applicable to the rest of the population. So, what useful and relevant evidence do we really have? I digress...