[Idiot17]

Every time one tries to go out and do something they find difficult it effects them. So if i've continuosly tried and then got berated or failed i fell deeper into self destruction. So what's the point in trying? I just keep on killing myself repeatedly bit by bit. I'm at the ends point. Why try? You just make a fool out of yourself and then sink deeper into your depression. Hope that makes some sense.

[gayleggg]

Because there is always that chance that things will be different. I didn't always think so but life has made me believer.

[Rohag]

You are describing a risk-management scenario I somewhat know. When the consequences of repeated failure could be a dangerous despair, how do you know it's

• time to retreat and regroup, or
• time to change tactics, or
• time to change your operational strategy, or
• time to change your grand strategy?

If the results are always the same, it's time to either try something different or possibly back up as much as necessary and re-envision the whole situation.

Who's berating you?

[Idiot17]

Rohag
I think i've tried everything i know. Always same result.
I know the question you asked about who's berating me is probably a rhetorical one but it's something thats driving me to the brink and i never before mentioned it to anyone anywhere. Like for ex my parents would tell me i should be out of the house and doing stuff. So i would listen like an idiot but then i would get calls and texts asking,when i'll be home, why i'm out for so long and once i get home i don't hear the end of it, how i'm needed at home, i don't ever do anything cuz i'm not home i'm living off them and not helping (which is a lie and why it affects me so badly) etc etc.... It doesn't end by my parents, even my friends, and others do it.
Thanks for the reply.

[Rohag]

It's probable your own "issues" grew out of and continue to be nurtured by a less-than-functional environment involving the whole family. You might even be what family therapists call an identified patient (problems are rooted in a family system, but the "identified patient" is the only one singled out or scapegoated by the family members as having "the problem").

Ideally - though it may not be practical or possible - putting some physical distance between you and an environment setting you up to fail would be desirable. If physical distance is not possible, erecting stronger psychological boundaries may be necessary.

[Idiot17]

Thanks Rohag for your response.....time......patience.....

[Idiot17]

How can one erect stronger psychological boundaries?
Thnx.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((( hugs to you ))))))))))
I don't have answers..... My heart is with you

[Fuzzybear]

so much relate to the "family scapegoat"

Originally Posted by Rohag

It's probable your own "issues" grew out of and continue to be nurtured by a less-than-functional environment involving the whole family. You might even be what family therapists call an identified patient (problems are rooted in a family system, but the "identified patient" is the only one singled out or scapegoated by the family members as having "the problem").

Ideally - though it may not be practical or possible - putting some physical distance between you and an environment setting you up to fail would be desirable. If physical distance is not possible, erecting stronger psychological boundaries may be necessary.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Idiot17

How can one erect stronger psychological boundaries?

I think more than a few therapists would say something like, "Recognize your soft boundaries and practice strong-boundary behaviors."

Much has been written on psychological boundaries. This blog post, Healthy Boundaries, is based on the work of Nina Brown; it's a start.

In the short-term, "emotional insulation" and stress reduction techniques are supposed to be useful.