[emanuelabianca]

I try as much possible to keep my mind focused on learning, for college, but my dad always makes me feel bad. When I was 13 he used to tell me : wait till you turn 18, and achieve nothing in life and see my real face. Now that I'm 20 nothing really happened, I just feel like he wants to control every thought and action of mine. He had arguments with my mom ever since I was a kid, shouted at her and used a really harmful language. Even to this day, he insults her and always tells her how she made his life a living hell, but she's always there for him. I told my mom to stop quarelling in front of me, 'cause I swear I can't handle it anymore. It makes me sick and literally I want to throw up. Some years ago he was like : if you take these exams, if you go to college and get a scholarship I'll be the happiest person on Earth. I haven't seen anything of that, he still makes bitter comments and doesn't have any trust in me. I'm far away from home, so that is a little better, but he constantly says that I have to be near him, so he'd know what's happening to me, always. He always tells me that I should listen to him, 'cause everything that he told me became reality. He most of the times told me I'm a failure , but I'm not. I don't think he should play with my mind this much, because I'm at the point when I'm digusted of his behaviour and want to run away from him. I don't want to hear any blaming from him anymore, it makes me paranoid and leaves me in a low state of mind.
I tried so many times to explain to him that we can't change our past, but he always told me : yeah, but if you had done as I had told you, you wouldn't have...etc.
Any advice on how I should diminish the negative influence? My body literally hurts because of this and I feel like I'm suffocating many times. Thank you.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by emanuelabianca

I'm far away from home, so that is a little better...

I'm glad to know this. Distance and diminished communication probably do weaken his functional control.

I suppose if you were to go to a therapist, they might start talking about "building psychological boundary strength" or similar. That's something you can research.

Gaining confidence in yourself, in your abilities and in who you are, will go far in decreasing the psychological control exercised by your father. Based on your descriptions, he is unlikely to change the way he views you regardless of your accomplishments.

I'm sorry; I don't think I've offered you anything you don't already know.

[emanuelabianca]

Originally Posted by Rohag

I'm glad to know this. Distance and diminished communication probably do weaken his functional control.

I suppose if you were to go to a therapist, they might start talking about "building psychological boundary strength" or similar. That's something you can research.

Gaining confidence in yourself, in your abilities and in who you are, will go far in decreasing the psychological control exercised by your father. Based on your descriptions, he is unlikely to change the way he views you regardless of your accomplishments.

I'm sorry; I don't think I've offered you anything you don't already know.

No worries, I am aware nobody can change the situation. I only wanted someone to talk to. And thank you for your reply, it made me feel better. Bless you