I realize this now. This is why therapy doesn't work for me. Having a person telling me I'm stupid and all my thoughts are irrational for only an hour a week isn't enough.

But I can't go inpatient because of reasons no one will understand so I won't bother trying to explain them. But it's something that will greatly increase my anxiety. And how am I going to get better if I'm more anxious and depressed after being locked up. And can one even do that voluntarily? And why would one do it voluntarily? It seems like a bad idea to purposely put yourself in that situation.

I know there's a thing called partial inpatient where its half days, but that isn't long term and I don't know how affordable it is or if it would work since it isn't 24/7 of telling me my thoughts aren't logical.

And I need to go OFF of meds, not be put on more. Off of most, if not all! All they do is destroy my creativity, make me sleep all day, and make me feel even more depressed. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist sometime next month or in January…I can't remember now. Either way, it's too long from now.

Pills and therapy will literally never be enough. I can't do inpatient. My only possible option is partial inpatient, but that's not long-term, nor would I get it without a referral I don't think...

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry you are struggling so with a solution. Can you call you psychiatrist and get in earlier? That might help. Therapy takes time and pills can be changed and it can make a difference. I've only started to feel better after this last med change the doctor did and we have tried dozens. It has finally paid off.

Keep working at it. You will find a solution.

This week is Thanksgiving and she's available on Thursdays and I'm not sure what other day as I'm always scheduled on Thursdays. I'm going to be out of town this week anyway. I was in therapy for years and once a week isn't enough. And more than once a week wouldn't be enough either, not to mention too expensive.

I also don't see how meds are going to do much good because my life itself is depressing and medication isn't going to do much to help. I mean, unlike someone who has a life where they think they should be happy, but just aren't, I know I shouldn't be.

[Clara22]

I really hope you find a solution, at least momentarily. I can relate to your feelings somehow, as for the last years I have been feeling trapped, and going in and out of that feeling. Going through the worst period of "trappedness", dark clouds cover it all. When I communicated this feeling to others, in general, they jumped to enumerating solutions, and I feel that that was not useful for me. But, on the other hand, I admit, I was not easy to help, either. Partially I see there was too much on my plate and that I have been struggling with different difficulties all my life. Sometimes, we have to stop. Sometimes, a situation out of our control make us to stop and get out of the darkness. So far, I am going in and out.
But, unlike you, I cannot see a kind of "individual destiny". To me that thing about "one should be happy", or "one should not be happy" does not exist. We are just thrown here. We are thrown into existence amidst things and with others. We all will die. In this order of things, we all are equal, we all have the same destiny at the end of the day. In this regard, our destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged, as Heidegger said