[Onward2wards]

My general coping is a total disaster lately.

I'm a 46 year old guy, three years post-divorce. I am feeling severely lonely but also acting severely socially phobic; I am feeling both intensely bored and stressed at work and it's really showing, yet the thought of making any major changes is overwhelmingly anxiety-provoking; things I normally enjoy are making me feel sad because I keep thinking "like THAT's going to go anywhere". I want a whole life makeover, but I "want it NOW!!!" ... I have absolutely zero patience for anything anymore. I am beginning to see things I commonly do wrong, things that have caused all my problems, like emotional stuffing, social phobias, performance anxiety, low assertiveness, and low self esteem symptoms, etc. but I don't know how to fix it all.

I am going back to talk therapy next week. I am ambivalent about meds because they sometimes help a little in the very short term but I get A LOT of intolerable side effects on everything. Long term they have not been helpful.

One minute I am pretty relaxed and motivated, the next I am a total nervous wreck and extremely negative and irritable. I keep expecting to not go anywhere meaningful in life, and it's destroying my mood. I can pull myself out of this demotivated rut, especially by being more social and opening up to people, but it is getting harder to do.

I am not sure how to deal with this. It feels like the midlife crisis from He** that is also stirring up a TON of unresolved stuff from the past. An "uber-crisis". The sudden-onset anger and/or apathy are getting extremely hard to deal with. I can't seem to get motivated without getting really frustrated/anxious and I can't seem to calm myself without then feeling sad and apathetic, or wanting to "cocoon". I would welcome any and all suggestions at this point.

I KNOW I can and will climb over the "wall" I have hit, I've done it before. The thing is I am so tired of finally seeing the dumb self-defeating things I think and do, over and over, with no permanent resolution to the patterns. I want a REAL change for once.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry you are struggling so hard right now. I'm glad you have hope for things getting better though. That can be hard to attain.

[Onward2wards]

I think social anxiety and self-doubting thoughts are the worst of it right now.

[Fuzzybear]

[Clara22]

Hi
I am sorry, I am not sure if I understand the importance of your problem. I just can relate that as a second language speaker new social anxiety problems occurred when I lived in the US. I was not in that way before. Is social anxiety something new in you or it was already there in a mild way and has increased recently?
I had some success practicing the language, imagining situation and playing I was talking, also breathing better, but I am not sure this is applicable to you.
Hope you feel better soon

[Onward2wards]

Thanks for your responses, everyone. I'm feeling significantly better today.

((( Clara ))) I have had social phobia to some extent for a long time, recently it has been more noticeable. Maybe I am just becoming more aware of it now.

[June55]

The subject reminds me of the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Start with one thing.
Change your routine. or Change your route to work.

[Onward2wards]

Thanks, June. Sometimes "a change is as good as a rest".

[813i]

Read this book on habits. Apparently, if you just focus on one change in your life, one improvement, the rest will follow. So maybe instead of trying to change your whole life, maybe focus on changing one thing and see what happens from there? Good luck for the future, and I understand your social phobia.