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What does depression feel like for you?

Someone said something elsewhere on the forum that made me think about this. They said that if you haven't cried because of depression you haven't felt it. I however rarely cry from depression. Anxiety sure, but when I am just depressed I am blank and numb and suicidal. I don't cry, I vent inward and hurt myself in as many ways as I can trying to make myself feel but being in so much pain I can't.

And I know it's different for everyone so I thought id ask what your story is.

I'm so sorry to hear that you suffer from depression. I suffer also. Depression for me is like a deep, dark, cold black hole that I'm not able to climb out of. It makes me want to crawl up in a ball in my dark bedroom and never come out. I rarely cry on the outside but on the inside I cry tons. I feel worthless and like my life has no meaning or purpose. I just want to die because the pain I feel inside is so strong that I cannot figure out how to make it stop. When the pain becomes so intense I just try to sleep and pray that I'll wake up and feel better the next day. I have 3 kids that are 21, 19, & almost 18 that live with me. Plus I have my beautiful little Chihuahua. They are the reason why I continue to live and claw myself up out of my deepest pits of depression. My depression never goes away but I force myself to work around it. It is very miserable!

[gayleggg]

My depression is different depending how deeply I'm depressed. Sometimes I will cry or be tearful, this is when I should get help. The deeper it goes the less emotion I have. I'm more like you said, blank, numb, cold, resigned and suicidal. It's a place no one can penatrate. I just don't care anymore. That's when I'm most dangerous to myself and less likely to ask for help.

[Nicks_Nose]

My depression has its ups and downs, especially this time of year, when daylight hours are very short. I tend to have a serious lack of motivation or drive to do anything. I feel tired. I am easily irritated and agitated when things go wrong or I am criticized about something. I often procrastinate and do not feel pleasure in moments I know I should feel it like when my two sons graduated or when my oldest son got married.

In its deeper phases, I feel useless and of no worth to anybody. I feel that I have nothing to contribute to people around me and that I am a hinderance to others. I tend to ruminate and worry incessantly about everything. On lighter times, I begin to notice more about the world around me and turn my thoughts more outward and less inward toward myself.

[willis...]

My depression shows itself through intense self-loathing, negativity, unworthiness, and numbness.

[herethennow]

Same as me. I don't cry.. I rarely cry. But it's at its worse when I can't feel anything.. and all I just want to do is let go of the blank state I am. That's where the danger comes.

I guess people do differ in the ways they experience depression.

[monkeybruv]

when i can cry i often see it as a sign of getting a bit better

[jadedbutterfly]

I do not cry, I shut down, empty and numb. Get stuck, example: watching tv/movie or hiding in bed, it seems like an enormous task to walk to the bathroom.
For me, if I find myself having crying jags, I don't dive into a deep depression, and am able to get/accept help from others.

[Sadley]

You don't have to cry to feel depression, but I do usually cry every day when I drive home.

To me it mostly feels like being trapped. I have always felt as if I am watching a movie of my life instead of living it. There are unsurpassable walls around me that block my view and prevent me from doing everything I want to do.

I can play out in my head exactly how I want something to go, but translating that into moving my body doesn't work.

When I'm in a depression I, too, feel trapped. Trapped in a condition I don't want to be in. I don't enjoy activities like I used to and have a tremendous amount of fear about just being able to make it through the day. I don't want to socialize, I often just want to hide in my bed - - which I've been doing by 5 p.m. each day until I go to sleep. (I just lay there daydreaming, not wanting to participate in life outside my bed.) It's a real struggle to get up every day because I just don't want to face another day of feeling like hell and hating life.

I lose my usual zest for life and yearn for the day my depression will lift. I feel like my life doesn't "flow." Instead of spontaneity, I feel like everything is calculated. I'm also very clingy to my husband. I have such fear of the state I'm in that I need the comfort of his presence as much as possible. It's a dependence I hate, but I guess seeking comfort is normal.

[dumburn]

For me, if I'm crying it means things aren't too bad and usually I can identify the exact cause of my pain. For example my sister called me on Christmas eve and I just burst in to tears because I miss her and her children so much.
When I'm really depressed I barely have the energy breath let alone cry. It can take literally hours to get the smallest of chores done because it's so hard for me to pull myself away from wherever I have curled myself up and let the negative thoughts take over my mind, when I do manage to get started it just takes forever because my brain seems to forget to keep me going.
It's not so much having a heavy weight on my shoulders that I hear some people describe, more lacking the energy and strength to win what should be an easy battle against gravity.

[Martek]

When I am at my darkest hours I cry about all the things that could have been. I feel lost, empty, hopeless, and useless and some movie or tv show will remind me of the past and all my mistakes and I will tear up over something incredibly stupid.

[The_little_didgee]

It feels like a very deep sadness (words cannot accurately describe this) with lots of anxiety. My motivation to eat and bathe disappears. I end up spending a lot of time alone. Everything seems to tire me out easily. Making decisions becomes very difficult. Thoughts of death are constant even though I don't get suicidal. Sleeping isn't much a relief because my dreams usually contain that theme. When it gets really bad I become psychotic.

I don't cry a lot and when I do it is brief. Crying tends to make me feel worse so I try to avoid it. I tend to suppress strong emotions because they are too overwhelming to feel and acknowledge. Eventually I will feel them through a very unpleasant sensation called agitation.

[youwillrise]

when its really bad, i cry...a lot. loud, shaky, snot dripping cries that dont seem to end. my thoughts tend toward the negative (im useless, no one loves me, i dont deserve love)...i start doing some very out of the ordinary things and i really just become lost. errr more lost than i was, anyway.

[Samanthagreene]

It's sort of like a big heavy animal sitting in my chest all the time and it makes everything hard to do. Also, even though I don't cry, I feel like I have to cry all the time, no matter what's happening.

it feels more dead than alive. maybe some "pressure" down on my shoulders and neck. I find myself with a bit of an eyebrow-scowl look. And a very strong desire to stab myself...... typically I will simply look at my hand or my thigh and have a huge desire to stab it (although I have yet to do that).