I hate living in my own head

I have this strange symptom since I was a litlegirl, I'm only able to think if I try to concentrate. Like thinking it. at loud writing it somewhere. But I have to be focus and I have to try to keep my mind occupied on porpuse other wise my mind just will go empty. The thoughs will fly away I can not participate in conversation. Because my brain switch off and there is nothing to. think. I sometimes make a full of me because the stupid things I say. Specially in classes but in test I do good because I am focus. But there are some days in which I can't think, I have nothing to think about my thoughts just stop and I am empty, so every time something cames to my brain I keep repetition it over and over, it get anoying, the setence doesn't live me. The only thing that cames to my kind is thinking how strange I am, over and over and over. And if I think about something or I do something and my thoughts stop I will contemplate it over and over and over thinking how I did it great and i can't stop the thoughts because I have nothing to think about. And I hate this thoughts because dispite they may have some true in there I repeat them so many times inside my head that they become so disporportional that I become tired of thinking. I have lots of trouble thinking and remembering and my head feels sleepy almost of the time and so I can't think on reality and I think in the only thing I have some material to think about, myself... I'm so done with these selfish thoughts, they make so tired, agitated and nervous at the same time that I rather be asleep. But I can't stop them. I can't stop to think the mind which can't think. And even when i start thinking how amazing my future can be if I get cured it irritates me too because I know it is a trick my brain is playing with me. It even doesn't feel like a dream and I just want to stop it. I don't feel like this everyday always repeating, complimenting and ampliating everything I do or think. But when I'm empty enough to do so it awfawl. I feel like a narcisist who doesn't believe in their thoughts of superiority.

I have trouble with that, too. It's just pain

I think it's okay to have an empty head with no thoughts. Sometimes, if you can achieve that state, it's very peaceful.

I don't often have a clear mind. When I do, it is heaven.