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#1
Dec 30, 2013, 11:32 PM
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Its been a long rough week... it only seems to be getting worse.
People at my job keep getting even more rude...im usually a patient person but I don't know how much more I can take...everyone just walks all over me. Customers and coworkers. I guess its time to look for a new place to work. I know part of my problem is that I don't feel good, I've been sick for over a week. I just have to keep going...but I don't know how. On top of that my dad and step-mom are so hard to get along with. I don't live with them...but arrg.. Ever since my dad married his current wife, he's changed and has become more like her. She hates me, I can see it in her eyes..but she trys to act normal when im around-like hiding behind a mask. My dad and step-mom will ask me how my day is...but they don't care. It just goes in one ear & out the other. My dad told me that I can't be "negative", everything has to be great all the time. & told me to lie to him & say everything is great even if its the opposite. But I refuse to, I've worked so hard not to hide behind a mask. As a kid growing up I always said everything was okay when it wasn't. Acted like the "strong one"...but I wasn't. I just stopped having emotions sort of-became numb to everything. In a lot of ways im confused, I don't know what to feel or how to act...I don't feel human & I've been so angry at nothing for a while now. Im tired of being angry. ..it doesn't feel good.  I feel like im a bug to my dad amd step-mom...im always getting in trouble for something or even nothing. They've basically told me that im not good enough, can never do enough and that im a waste of time and will go no where. Also that im a "cold"person-at least that's what step-mom says. I can't get a word out or have an opinion about anything. They always cut down anything I say and don't listen. And then they give me a hard time for being so quiet. But what can I say, that won't get me into trouble? I've realized this week that im always constantly afraid that whatever I do im going to be in trouble. I have no idea what to do anymore. :\ "I need a drop of grace to carry me today"
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 813i, Clio19, herethennow, Marla500, nakitakunai, penguinsing, tealBumblebee
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#2
Dec 31, 2013, 06:21 AM
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Some people tend to ignore the elephant in the living room.
Hang in there. |
 813i
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#3
Dec 31, 2013, 09:54 AM
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Hello & Welcome, Scout7.
Quote:
I agree; investing energies in attempts to mold yourself in the image they would like you to assume is fruitless.
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My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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#4
Dec 31, 2013, 11:02 PM
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Very true and thanks penguinsing
Rohag-Not so much, as of the past year I've been trying to minimize how much I see them...my therapist thought that its a good idea to stay away from them. I don't know how much more o can minimize seeing them because my dad helps me pay rent. It definitely is...and is very tiring. I used to change myself for people all the time, but a couple of friends a few years ago helped me to realize it was a mistake. Ive lived that way for almost 20 years and im 21 now so im trying to figure out who I really am and not what other people want me to be. "I need a drop of grace to carry me today"
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#5
Jan 03, 2014, 09:47 PM
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Sometimes I wish I could just stop all my thoughts, esp. the bad ones...
"I need a drop of grace to carry me today"
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#6
Jan 03, 2014, 09:58 PM
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Hey Scout7,
I think you are learning some really good things about where to set boundaries and how to find safe places for you emotionally. I applaud your courage. Sometimes family can be the very worst for our emotional health even though they may or may not mean to be. Hope you feel better and get a bit of rest and respite this weekend... Take care of you. WB
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 Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside, Dreams... Who looks inside, Awakens... - Carl Jung |
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#7
Jan 03, 2014, 10:23 PM
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Thanks Wysteria. Im trying to set boundaries it can be hard...still learning how to. And very true.
"I need a drop of grace to carry me today"
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#8
Jan 07, 2014, 09:10 PM
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I am so done....everything just keeps piling up...can't it stop so I can just breathe? -_-
"I need a drop of grace to carry me today"
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#9
Jan 11, 2014, 06:28 PM
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What happen ?
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#10
Jan 15, 2014, 07:59 PM
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I don't even know how to explain it...just an "internal battle". My thoughts/SH. :/
"I need a drop of grace to carry me today"
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