[aleej28]

I'm still pretty new to this site so I'm not sure what all qualifies as triggers so I'm putting this here first just in case.

I have no idea where to even post this because I'm feeling so many different things right now. This week has been hell. I left my fiance a while ago now and just this past week he decided to reposses my car (I was making the payments on it and I even put made down payment, it was just in his name because I couldn't get approved for the loan). I now have this old truck that has broken down every day I've used it. insurance which started this year has a massive copay....and so does my medication now. On top of all of this, my pipes were frozen and burst in my apartment flooding. I'm devastated. I can't afford my appointments or my medication anymore. I'm getting the most extreme urge to cut that I've had in a long long time. I feel like as soon as I'm alone or when my son goes to sleep, I'm going to absolutely break down.

I act on impulse a lot so I'm trying not to but I feel so helpless. I see no way to fix this except to drop out of college for now and go back to working full time...except work wasn't as lenient when I have an episode or a doctors appt. Disability has been a hellish process..and I can't live with family or my mom as much as I want to...but vyvanse alone is 275$ a month. I'm too scared to think about going off my meds or my Doctors and being controlled by my impulsive depressive thoughts and the voices in my head...I need help but I don't know what to do.

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[gabmux]

Originally Posted by aleej28

I'm still pretty new to this site so I'm not sure what all qualifies as triggers so I'm putting this here first just in case.

I have no idea where to even post this because I'm feeling so many different things right now. This week has been hell. I left my fiance a while ago now and just this past week he decided to reposses my car (I was making the payments on it and I even put made down payment, it was just in his name because I couldn't get approved for the loan). I now have this old truck that has broken down every day I've used it. insurance which started this year has a massive copay....and so does my medication now. On top of all of this, my pipes were frozen and burst in my apartment flooding. I'm devastated. I can't afford my appointments or my medication anymore. I'm getting the most extreme urge to cut that I've had in a long long time. I feel like as soon as I'm alone or when my son goes to sleep, I'm going to absolutely break down.

I act on impulse a lot so I'm trying not to but I feel so helpless. I see no way to fix this except to drop out of college for now and go back to working full time...except work wasn't as lenient when I have an episode or a doctors appt. Disability has been a hellish process..and I can't live with family or my mom as much as I want to...but vyvanse alone is 275$ a month. I'm too scared to think about going off my meds or my Doctors and being controlled by my impulsive depressive thoughts and the voices in my head...I need help but I don't know what to do.

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Thank you for posting your thoughts.

I have found no permanent remedy for my own despair. What I can honestly
say is that even though I am not in any of the situations/miseries you have described (except for slight vehicle problem), yet I am still at my lowest.
I guess what I am suggesting...at least pertaining to myself, is that whatever situation I may be in at any given point in time, may have nothing what-so-ever to do with my disturbed state of mind. I have been in many much worse
predicaments then I am in now, but am still in the same exact horrible place in my head.

I sincerely wish for you to find the remedy that I have not.
And if a cure comes your way, perhaps you will share.

[Fuzzybear]

[aleej28]

Gabmux, exactly...I know things could be much worse and they often have been, but I still feel as helpless as I used to feel when I was in the worse situation...just the thought of losing everything I've worked so hard for over the last couple of years is terrifying.

Fuzzy thank you for all the hugs and kind words you've given to us today, ♡

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