[Gwenvar]

I'm a guy, 22 years old. For years I feel like my instincts/subconscious is turning against me, because when I start some new thing I like/love to do, then the next time I would do there's a block, there's fear and anxiety, and mostly the feeling that it is worthless, and another one I can't describe, but it's uncomfortable.

So the result is, that my days are kinda repetitive: all I do is the basic/necessary stuff (sometimes not even all of that though), stuff that I don't like, and addictive behaviors (computer, internet, porn, etc.).

The bad thing about this is two things. One is that have no idea how to "capture" it, I don't know what is the source of the problem, so I can't confront it. The second is that it affects my performance. I finished a 5-year-old grammar school (high school) in 7 years (repeating class twice), and I only learned on a few occasions, when was absolutely necessary. I'm afraid that if this carries on than my fate will be that I will die of cold on a park bench.

So in sum the problem is that I have very low willpower; I feel like a puppet and my feral, (self)destuctive instincts pulling the strings.

[gayleggg]

The first and most obvious question is, have you seen a psychiatrist or a therapist. They may be able to help you sort through your issues. Talking things out with a professional can help you focus on the important issues and help you with your self destructive instincts. Hopefully, they can help you get more motivation, as well.

[Fuzzybear]

[smmath]

Maybe trying some anxiety relief techniques can help with the fear of doing the things you love.