[ImNotHere]

I have been having a lot of trouble with my therapist lately. I am starting to consider getting a new one. Has anyone experiences this? We have talked very little about my life, my past, childhood, just gone over the basics and my therapist seems so focused on making a plan and my future and things like that.

I want to work on what got me here in the first place, what caused and created my depression and problems. I also wanted to talk about other disorders I possibly have and her response was literally what difference would it make, it would not change your plans for your future. I really think that my plan for the future really depends on what is going on in my head and my disorders.

Anyways basically my therapist basically thinks that no matter what, no matter what disorder our style of therapy would remain the same and she doesn't seem like she wants to talk about my past, she just wants to focus on what can be done in the future.

What should i do? should i see someone else? i hate giving up because it took me so long to get back into therapy.

[smmath]

Have you told her you want to focus on the past and the now? Maybe tell her if you can't talk about these things, then maybe you guys aren't compatible in the therapy relationship. She might be able to recommend another therapist.

[ImNotHere]

Yea, last time we talked I said I want to get into my past and figure this out, she said "why do you want to do that" I just told her I want to find out the cause or deal with issues i had growing up and things like that. She didn't seem to understand, I think this may be because we went over the past a little, just briefly, and just the basics, so she may think that I do not have any more to say about it.

There has to be a reason I am the way I am now and I feel like if I don't figure out those things and heal then how can I focus on the future. I am starting to think we are no compatible, but I feel rude asking for a reference for another therapist. I feel bad because she is really good about making a plan for the future but doesn't seem to understand me.

It scares me because my mind works strange so I feel like if I quit her and go somewhere else what if it is the same, what if I start all over and it is a similar experience? I worry that all therapy will be like that and I will never get better.

Thanks for the advice

[smmath]

I would be careful with the "what if..." questions. They tend to make me feel depressed and hopeless. I don't think it is quitting either. I see it as making a change for the better. I believe that anyone can get better if they want to and they reach out to people. You have those qualities, so I think you can do it.

I also agree that looking into the past is the best way to help people. One quote by some guy was " The further backward you look, the farther forward you will see" . Maybe give her some evidence from a quote book to prove your point. :-)

[Elektra_]

hi. her approach is actually completely different of most i had. usually therapists want o know about the past. and i find it odd she reacts that way to ur request since most Ts do it. u can always keep seeing her and try other at same time to see if u like them better. tc

[actor]

My psychiatrist seems to focus on the past, much to my discomfort. Is your therapist having you do CBT? This may be why the past is not important to her. I would rather deal with the now as the past dredges up so many bad thoughts and leaves me worse after a session than before

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[ImNotHere]

We have done some CBT and I guess that is her specialty, I just didn't realize that was all we would be doing. For me it is a little different, I want answers, I want to understand what in my past got me here, I want to discuss this and her to help me heal. Everything that has happened to me in the past has gotten me to this point, these disorders and I feel like If I do not deal with my past then it will just become buried and some day mess me up worse. How can she help me change my future if she knows nothing about my past? There are reasons I am the way I am today and I feel like those are important.

I don't understand my therapist. We talked about different disorders and I talked about wanting to find out if I had any, she said that would not change our plan even if I did, but i feel like my plan should be based on my disorders and therapy should change to accommodate that.

thanks for the support/advice everyone, I am just very disappointed in my therapist, it took me years to go back to one and I feel like now everything is so screwed up.

[Elektra_]

mine does cbt and still wanted to know all about my past. but wait! ur plan has nothing to do with ur disorders!! is what u wanna do with ur life and is really good shes doing that with u.

[ImNotHere]

By plan I mean recovery plan, not just my future plan. Like how we will do therapy, what exercises to use in/outside therapy. I think that all really depends on what my disorders are.

She acts like my disorders mean nothing and i don't need to know if I have one or be diagnosed. I want to know, I want that validation, like I have a reason for who i am or what i am or how my brain works. I want to understand myself better.

I mean, from my view point, I guess if it's talking about the immediate future, then I might need to discuss my plans for how to handle upcoming things. And sometimes if I'm having a particular issue with anxiety over something happening soon my T will want to address that first but if your T is adamant to talk about everything future related and you want to talk about past things then I definitely don't think it's a great match. If you think it's important to go over your past in more detail then it is important.

I am sorry that the therapist that you have doesn't seem all that great but there definitely are better ones out there!

[Elektra_]

Originally Posted by ImNotHere

By plan I mean recovery plan, not just my future plan. Like how we will do therapy, what exercises to use in/outside therapy. I think that all really depends on what my disorders are.

She acts like my disorders mean nothing and i don't need to know if I have one or be diagnosed. I want to know, I want that validation, like I have a reason for who i am or what i am or how my brain works. I want to understand myself better.

ahhh thats dif lol thats ur goals for therapy. as my T says we should focus on symptoms not labels. if she doesnt label u is bc u have only traits of disorders. have u been talking about ur symptoms and what u can do to change them??

[Rapunzel]

It sounds like she is strictly adhering to CBT. CBT has a lot of research supporting it for treating depression and anxiety, and it is what some people want. I get frustrated with just CBT because for me, insight and making sense of things is important too. Especially if you are affected by trauma of one kind or another. I don't believe that the past will just go away because you choose to ignore it. Some therapists are able to use more than one modality. Others stick to one and won't try anything else. Your therapist might just only do CBT. You can ask her about other modalities and if what you need and what she offers are not compatible, you might need to switch to a different therapist to get what you are looking for.

One thing that you can try is to look into Schema Therapy. There is a book called Reinventing Your Life, which is written for clients and is easy to read and understand. Schema therapy incorporates CBT with other modalities that do include understanding your past. It is not as well known as CBT, but you could read about it and try telling your therapist about what you read and how you feel about it, and see if she will work with that. If not, try looking for someone else. Not every therapist is a good fit for every client.

[Auntie2014]

Just a little suggestion: Could you talk to T about splitting time? Every other appointment old /new or 60% now 40% old of session on each.

[actor]

My eXperience with CBT ( I am no expert) is that by working on changing your belief symptoms ( i.e. Nobody likes me), reasons these beliefs exist come out. This leads to your past and why you believe this. But if you are not working on these beliefs, and not delving into your past; then might be worthwhile to ask what type of therapy is her specialty. And as always, if not happy for any reason then try to find a new therapist. I understand how difficult finding a new therapist can be. I think one of the hallmarks of depression is accepting unwanted situations/people because we feel this is what we deserve. Good luck, best to you.


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[Altered Moment]

I think this is based on the current view that it is a biological disease. Whacked brain circuits and it really doesn't matter how they got that way. Born with it or through abuse or PTSD. The theory is to try to change your brain with current behaviour, future plans, finding purpose ect. My last therapist was exactly like this. CBT is the current rage. I feel fortunate that I worked through all my past issues in AA and Alanon, many years. I am sure there are other support groups for you to deal with your past issues. What you want I think is called transactional analysis and I think very few therapist use it anymore.

[ImNotHere]

Originally Posted by Auntie2014

Just a little suggestion: Could you talk to T about splitting time? Every other appointment old /new or 60% now 40% old of session on each.

It is hard because I feel like she guides most of the sessions, so it is hard for me to talk about the past unless she wants to talk about a specific situation, not all of my past. She has me reading a depression book so we talk about that for part of the session, we talk about what is currently happening, and the future. I feel like she has a plan for my therapy and I feel sort of like I would be telling her how to do her job if I wanted to change her plan. Idk if that makes sense?

I will see what she says on Wednesday about all of this but I am about fed up with her.

Thanks everyone for the advice, if things do not go well on Wednesday then I will look into getting a new therapist.