I really get feckin bugged off when you give a person a compliment when you never had to say it to them anyway yet they never accept the compliment or appreciate you going to the effort of saying the compliment to them. All you need to say is thanks, not just 'ohh thanks' but try and at least sound like it made you feel better, people moan about low self esteem or how they look so we're trying to make you feel better so take the feckin compliment and show some kindness back Jesus.

[pegasus]

I have to say I find it hard to accept a compliment as it is kind of an alien thing to me. So, sorry, I guess I'd be one of those people that would tick you off.

[smmath]

Okay, I can see where you are coming from. How do you feel when people compliment you? Could your aggression be coming from someplace inside you?

Well. I come from a family where politeness is really big so just from learning from example, I've always been taught not to take a compliment and lower myself in some sort of way. Which is partially why I have such terrible self-esteem and it's taken years to override even a little bit of that. Especially when it comes to people with poor self-esteem, just because you say something doesn't mean they'll suddenly believe it. If anything it reminds them of what they think they lack and they'll feel the need to correct what you think. So give them a little slack

Also, if you're expecting some kindness back I would kindly reconsider why you are giving the compliment in the first place.

[SparkyCat]

The other thing to bear in mind is that for me at least, the depression just stacks on top of the modesty I've always had and means that I find it hard to accept when someone says something nice about me. So you might find, that in some cases, those people are battling depression as well. So the above idea of cutting them slack is probably good.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Dylan, I'd say that you're coming from a great place wanting to boost or help people so good on you. But just remember there's sometimes only so much you can do.......as long as you're trying though.......just keep following what feels right and keep on reaching out there.
Sometimes compliments can be thrown around so casually/half-heartedly by others that they can begin to lose a bit of their meaning even when they're really meant. But still they matter.
For some people there may be SO many obstacles in their way for them to really take them on board e.g. life experiences, influences, depression. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are brushing them away it can instead mean that their circumstances are standing in their way of really "getting" them. And hey, you're not always going to be able to see the pain..........in people that can stop them from fully believing, or even believing at all. But they still matter.
And you know, if you've had SO many people/influences/thoughts/feelings telling you that you're x then it's going to be really hard starting to think that you may be y if someone that you're not really close to/trust just tells you that. In fact even if someone you're really close to/trust for some people.
And some others may need to hear the compliment 500....1000...1500 from 50...60....70 people before they start to (even begin to start to!) believe in themselves. Now does it really matter if you're only 13...17....20.....in that chain???? Does it really matter if they don't even remember you if that chain comes together???? I'd say that it's much more important to have been a part of it for them, or at least tried in helping them towards believing in themselves.
And hey, what have you lost at the end of the day if it comes to it. You'd only be telling the truth when you tried to compliment, help, boost them, right?
And still you never know, even if only once in a lifetime, what you say may make a really meaningful impact on someone making the difference between them being able to take on board, change their perspective, or reach out for help they desperately need to turn their lives around for them when they're in the darkest place.
Now even if that only may happen and even if you wouldn't know it at the end of the day, isn't that SO worth saying what you say/what you feel???
And of course some people may need a little more support than.......so don't think they don't want to know/you aren't/you can't make a difference just because they aren't taking on board what you've said....just keep on going and if they need more/you can give more.........
So Dylan, like I said you're coming from a great place, so no need to feel bugged.
Anything you can do.................
Best wishes
Alison

[Hellion]

So hypothetically if the compliment doesn't make you feel better you should pretend it does? If someone complements me it can be hard to believe someone is actually saying something nice...I do thank people for compliments but I can't guarantee an accompanying change of mood.

Perhaps a wee bit of patience is on order though...as it can be very hard for someone who's suffering from depression to view them self in a positive light even if someone gives them a nice complement...they aren't trying to blow you off they just can't see how the compliment fits.

But I guess this is part of why sometimes depression symptoms seem to push people away, because they don't get it or understand how serious it can be, and there is still this idea in society that mental illness is some kind of choice and one can just snap out of it.

[Clara22]

It is frustrating as you said but sometimes people cannot deal with compliments because of the way they were raised. They feel greatly disturbed. It's really difficult to know what is going on in other people's minds. I barely know what is in my own mind!

[Smellyfinger]

I see where you're coming from. But personally I don't take compliments well either. These people that don't say thanks might feel awkward and have issues of their own when they don't acknowledge your compliment.

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