Tired Of Feeling Like A Loser - Taking Positive Action!

I've tried depending on others to validate me for months now and have felt I lost who I was before...a strong and sure self-motivated woman. I've lost my sense of worth because of being involved in an unhealthy friendship, but no more! I'm tired of BEATING MYSELF UP and DEGRADING MYSELF for another person's benifit. It's time I think about what is best for ME. I am not selfish for wanting time to take care of myself! I have random opprotunities to find time for myself and THAT'S JUST WHAT I'M GOING TO DO without one ounce of guilt!!!

So, starting today, I'm going to update my progress in my personal and work relationships as much as I need to in the comments section of this thread! I need somewhere to celebrate the small things that people who don't suffer from depression take for granted - like getting out of the bed and taking a shower for the day!

Truthfully, I don't want to feel pathetic by broadcasting my progress to my friends and family on social media, but I'm glad to have this forum, so I'm going to make the most of it!!

Today, what I have accomplished so far for MYSELF:

I got up and walked the neighborhood for an hour (and encountered some cute and yipping doggies who kept me company lol)

I took a shower and got myself together to take my daughter and I to church

I wrote about 3 pages in my journal while she was in Sunday School

I enjoyed the warmth of the sun on my face for the first time in months (it felt so good!) because of this frigid weather while I pushed my daughter on the swing

I have eaten a healthy breakfast

I have set up a lunch date with a girlfriend for next week

I have stuck to my professional boundaries with a friend who wants more

This has been one of my more productive days in a long time! I'm going to pull myself out of this one day at a time!

Well, good for you! Sounds like you are taking very positive steps for yourself to make life better for you. So many people do not have that initiative like you do.

It's very hard for me to get rid of someone who is not positive for me. There are so many times that I would give a person a chance and they would prove themselves good for me. But then they could turn into real stinkers.

It's very hard to get rid of someone who can bring you down. Because if you don't have much in the line of friends, then it's a big loss. Also I have a tendency to try to see good in them because people are not perfect. But where do you draw the line between people not being perfect and those that are not good for you, period?

Thanks, will19. I really am trying. Not every day is like this one, but something had to be done. I felt like I was chasing my negativity in circles and just got sick of it!

I have that tendency, too - to see the good in people and ignore their potentially harmful behaviors. I've thought about that a lot and think the difference between a not perfect person may be they are a person trying to make things better in their life like so many others whereas a person that may not be good for me tries to use me in some way for their benefit or abuse my trust in some way. That's the way it was in the friendship I'm trying to set boundaries for now, because I'm like you - I know it's unhealthy, but also value them as a person. We were toxic for each other because we became dependent on one another for validation in other areas of our lives besides our careers. Now we've agreed to keep it business only. What it should have been to begin with.

I don't have any clear cut answers, but I guess each person has to decide how much of themselves they are willing to let someone have before they cut them loose.

Wow that's so great Best of luck and stay strong! I'll be rooting for you

Wow. You did a lot today! Good for you.
You've inspired me to make a goal list for tomorrow as today I complexly wasted the day.

Update #1:

I made it though the day and am happy with the way it ended. The friendship that I have with my colleague has been very business-based and less emotionally driven. We were even able to smile over some business humor without crossing any lines. I feel comfortable with this, but am still going to be aware not to be distracted or be a distraction to him. I felt extremely valuable today in every aspect - with my writing and work experience, with my family, and with interactions with friends. I still have a long way to go spiritually, but I have intimate reasons for feeling I'm unable to trust certain aspects of organized religion and the people involved in it. I guess these things take time. But, overall, I feel like I've been helpful, happy, and healthy. I hope to have more of these days often.

Maskon, I have more wasteful days than I'd like to admit, but am also trying to remember the next day not to worry over wasting the day before and move on. We all have those days. I know how tough it can be. I'm glad this inspired you toward your goals. Have a wonderful day.

UPDATE #2:

This morning I started the day writing in my journal again. I haven't noticed how much it really helps until recently because I've been mostly writing my fiction stories.

Today I hope to walk and read, then also have breakfast planned with my husband and we'll be discussing finances. It usually stresses me, looking at all the debt and bills, but I'm going to remember things work out for the best and for a reason.

Last night I took the time to schedule out my week according to my social needs. I think being around people helps me with depression and anxiety, though people often annoy me. lol. I do have a lunch date planned with a good friend and supporter of my writing and a playdate planned with a relative and her sons for my daughter and so I'll have some adult conversation of some kind. I hope this will help.

My main concern today is to set the week off to a great start by not being overly optimistic, but keeping a mindful reign on distractions and emotions in a healthy way. I'll be back to give an update later. I hope to be able to work up to being able to work on my fiction again, but my mind and body have to be in a good place to effectively do so. Thanks to all who are keeping up with this thread and your thoughts and encouragement. It means a lot.

GlassCage you rock! Taking charge of your own emotional and physical health as well as your life in general is your best chance at improvement. I like your idea of putting it out there to the group because much as I try, sometimes I need help getting to where I would like to be.

I love that you have done this for yourself!

When I start to feel overwhelmed, I have to break life down into steps. I make check lists of errands or chores (I hate cleaning with a passion). Even small accomplishments help... like taking a shower, eating enough to take my vitamins without getting sick, getting one load of laundry done, etc. Mostly, I like crossing things off my list lol. I might not even make it out of my house, but I did SOMETHING.

I have a tendancy to get stuck in my head. I have been know to sit down and read for hours and hours. It's only until I go to try turn my head that I realize my neck has gotten locked, and all the sudden it's afternoon!

You mentioned writing fiction. Do you mind if I ask, how you got started? I have been thinking that it would help having an expressive facet. Short stories? Blogging? I was hoping for a suggestion to break the ice.

Thanks for the positive manifesto! Desperately needed here. So many don't know how powerful we actually are!
More props for the Stephen King quote! I'm a writer of fiction stories too and Mr. King inspires me a great deal not just his book ON Writing but almost everything of his I've read.
Currently listening to Full Dark No Stars...
Keep that Power going! And the writing--one of the few things that makes me feel like a human being.

Great ideas, paynful. I love marking those to-do lists off, too! It's just so maddening to not be able to do it on those days I fall short, but I think it does work. Maybe just 3 main goal for the day is more digestible for me to handle. It's a process learning how to manage life and emotions, but is worth the time and effort to do so. The key for me is to stay focused.

Sure, I'd love to give you an idea of how to get started writing. Everyone has their own writing journey, but for me it started when I was around 10, with musical lyrics. I wrote lyrics, then poetry (great for angsty teens or when it's hard to think in full sentences to work out emotions), then I progressed to writing in a diary into my teens and young adulthood. Truthfully, I've never been an avid reader until a few years ago when I became a stay at home Mom. Really, to be a great writer you have to READ A LOT and WRITE A LOT. It doesn't really matter how you go about it. The main thing is to cultivate it. If you don't want to write that day, write anyway. A sentence. A paragraph. Whatever. But don't give up. Write every day - something.

Eventually your mind and heart will lead you to where you want to go with it....poetry, lyrics, articles for a blog, or fiction. The best stuff is from the heart. Readers connect with that, fiction or non-fiction.

I started my own blog a year ago and have been writing articles, having guest authors and giveaways, and doing reviews. I have fun with it, but it is A LOT of work to build a blog. Some people just post up things and don't promote it. If you don't want any readers or to interact with people who could give you feedback, I guess that is fine...but really a blogger must be on Twitter and Facebook daily and promote their posts as well as interact with others and respond to comments on their blog. If you're going to write a book you'll need a blog and social media presence as an Author. It's connected with sales and exposure.

It really depends on your purpose. I would say start writing for yourself in your own time daily, at first. Then if you connect with it, research fiction writing on Google...there are SO many resources out there. But before you get into that beast, think of your real life and the people in it and your experiences as characters in a book and a story - then write what's in your heart.

Sorry this is so long Lol - I'm passionate about writing I really do hope you are able to find a way to cultivate this habit for yourself. It is SO helpful! Good luck!

UPDATE #3:

I just want to close my eyes and sleep. What really sucks is that it’s not that bad, but all I can see is the bad. I guess I need to de-construct and state the reality of the myth in my head:

Myth: I’m a failure because I didn’t work on my fiction.

Reality: I’ve journaled nearly 2,000 words on my personal thoughts. Working out my emotions by typing them out to keep sanity is just as valuable and productive as writing fiction.

Myth: I’m a horrible Mom for letting my husband help with her while I’m trying to cope with my feelings.

Reality: I walked in the neighborhood with my daughter today, I held her little hand, and we had a long and peaceful talk and walk.

Myth: The jeans I bought today would look better on me if I were several sizes smaller.

Reality: My bum actually looks better when I’m heavier, the jeans highlight my best asset without being trashy-looking, and I have beautiful hair, eyes, and figure when I really make the effort.

Myth: There’s no use in eating healthy because it’s easier to give up and just stay fat.

Reality: I have great eating habits, even at my heavier weight. If I stay consistent and try to recognize stress eating and replace it with something else, I’d feel better for it over time. I may even go down a few sizes.

I guess today hasn’t been too bad. I’m still discouraged about writing and my co-worker basically ignoring me, but I know that’s probably another lie too because he’s dealing with some major business deals with his brand right now and is most likely just caught up in work. Hell, I should be caught up in work, but I’m just stuck. I’ve reached out to a lady writer friend to ask how she handles these times – she always gives great advice. All I can say is writing isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s a long, grueling, but rewarding process that involves a lot of lonely time. I guess lonely is a state of mind. Maybe my characters will keep me company soon. For my family’s incomes sake, I sure as hell hope so. Thanks for reading.

While I do not know you, and have only started reading your thread... I want to be more like you.

Even when you are down, you are still encouraging other people. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you so much for the kind compliment

Some days are better than others, but I do believe in kindness and non-judgemental discussions. I think most people have something good to give to others, even at their worst moments. It's hard, but during those vulnerable times it's when we sometimes connect with others the most.

If you have any more questions on writing or ever need a friend, feel free to message me. I'll get back to you asap.

UPDATE #4:

I've been sick with a cold for two days now, but this evening am finally feeling a little better. Today it was very hard function because it hurt to move and my body and mind was working at a snails pace. I woke up with my stomach in knots from anxiety and my head feeling stuffy from the cold. Despite the foggy-brain I got in the shower, creaky joints and all. It helped a little, seeing as I didn't feel rested at all although my husband said I slept. Therapy was today. The one session I can afford a month, but it's something and it did help. This is what I learned:

A good journaling technique when a person feels self-doubt is to list their doubts one by one and then take each doubt and ask "What do I know to be true?"

For instance:

Doubt 1 : Today was a complete waste.

What Do I Know To Be True (about Doubt 1)? : I took care of my hygiene though I was sick, took a shower and brushed my teeth. I caught up on my sleep later in the day by taking a short nap. Tonight I'm thinking clearer and feel good because I've taken care of my hygiene and feel more rested. I'm able to type, and typing is a form of writing. Today was a lesser-productive day, but it was not a waste.

*What I got from this exercise was that it's helpful to journal out and compartmentalize emotions by spilling them out in the form of doubts, fears, anxieties, worries, etc... but the progress starts by asking that key question every time and de-bunking my insecurities or perception: What Do I Know To Be True about this certain thought? In other words - trust the facts in front of my face more and accept that there may not be a clear answer to someones or my motives, fears, or insecurities .... I think this technique is a great way to acknowledge emotions and work them out without letting them control me.

I'm going to include this each day in my journal now. As for today, the example above is actually how my day went in reality. It was a good day, but not one of my best. I would like to add that the therapy was very helpful and my co-worker and I are talking again, but things are tame. I'm feeling laid back tonight and am going to try to read and rest while drinking water to help this cold. The weather was beautiful and I hope with some rest I'll be able to enjoy being outside tomorrow and recover from this cold.

Thanks again for reading.

I hope you cold got better!

If not.. my SOP is hot Tea with honey, and toast or plain white rice.

Found this forum yesterday, looking up 'feeling like a loser'. I have very much enjoyed (and relate) to this posting/discussion... Hopefully you are doing well still GlassHouse

Let it out....I for one love to hear positive things here. Sometimes it makes me happy and sometime it gives me motivation.....thank you for it.

I think women feel lots of guilt...I know I do.....I wish I didn't.