[megfedorczyk]

So I have a very difficult time talking with my family about my depression. Like many people my age, I live with them and I am dependent on them as I attempt to finish my college degree. They know I have depression, but sometimes I just don’t think they care or know the extent of it.

So let’s start with my mom.

For most of my life my mom has been my rock. I always saw her as someone I could immediately turn to for help, but that isn’t the case anymore. Now, whenever I want to talk she is always too busy or is trying to do something else while she is on the phone with me. I feel like more of a chore to her now. She also tends to point out my shortcomings and/or failures whenever she gets mad or frustrated. Her comments can sometimes (more often than not) be very negative and hurtful and make me feel like a waste of space. I used to be able to shut down and let it go in one ear and out the other, but lately that’s been getting harder and harder to do. It is also near impossible for me to stand up to my mom; she is a very dominating and imposing woman. She’s the breadwinner in the house and reminds everyone of the fact. Also there are times when she confuses me to no end. One minute she’ll be yelling at me (I don’t know if I should go into detail about her tirade) then the next minute we’ll be grocery shopping and she’ll want to by me anything I want. It’s like whiplash.

My Dad.

I honestly don’t know how much my dad knows about my depression or my life for that matter. We used to be close and spend time at the barn together, caring for my horse. However because of his work schedule and own health problems, we don’t have the same kind of relationship. He also used to defend me when I was younger against my mom’s tirades. Now, I think he just nods his head and agrees with her to shut her up. I don’t know how to talk to my dad anymore.

My Grandma.

I wish everyday that my Grandma was my mother. She gets me and knows what I’m going through. However she’s also in Florida, so I can also talk to her by phone when all I want is a hug and a shoulder to cry on. She also tries to help me handle my mother, but we all have little success with that.

I’m very much at a lost when it comes to communicating with my parents, and I never know who to turn to when my grandma’s help can only go so far. I’m going to be seeing my university’s psychologist this week, but I find I can never open up about my family problem in person. I don’t even know if I did it justice here.

Thanks for reading/listening.

First off! Welcome to PC! I hope you find a home here Depression is especially difficult to talk about with people close to you. I totally understand. My mom seems very similar to yours and my family is divorced so I'm not close to my dad either. I can't talk to my grandma because I don't speak Chinese well enough so woo hoo talk about overbearing mothers that have a tendency to love and slap with the same hand (not literally slap though).

It's really great that you're going to see a psychologist though I am also going through my university for my meds so I hope you get a good one! Parents are always difficult though. My mother didn't really realize the extent of the problem until I almost dropped off the face of the earth and was sleeping 21 hours a day and almost flunked all my classes. Soooo then she realized it was serious and I definitely needed help and encouragement. But until then it was a pretty tough ride. I think, in your case, if you feel closest to your grandma definitely tell her first. Just sharing with one person can mean the world. And seek your grandma's advice on what to do. She might be able to tell your parents better than you can (your own personal advocate ) or just give you better help since she knows them better.

As for parents though, that's a bit more wibbly wobbly. Personally, I still don't feel comfortable talking to my mom about it. But a few times I have told her how hard everything has been and what I've been going through and how hard I've been trying to make her proud and she's cried over it and we bonded and then she's a little bit easier on me so something like that might work... (though most of her habits come back within a few days because she is like a repeating record haha).

Best of luck and let us know how the appointment goes

[Curupira]

Welcome!

My psychologist once told me that my depression was my buisness. If, when and how I tell people should be my choice. You are no obligated to tell them. The only thing that matters is will telling them help you.

If you decide to do it, your therapist can help you come up with ways to start and control the conversation.

[Altered Moment]

I think having a support group outside of family that truly understands is very important. Part of my family works very hard to understand and other parts don't understand at all. I have ongoing emails with my sister in law arguing about depression.

[Fuzzybear]