[Kabuto]

First off, I would like to mention how therapeutic it is for me to vent out my frustrations and post here in a time of great distress.

Here is a list of symptoms- I'm 23 years old and I definitely have enough to qualify for depression, but what I don't know is whether or not this is situational depression or clinical depression. I'm seeing a therapist, and soon a psychiatrist to help diagnose these problems, but I can definitely use your help.

Why I Might Think I'm Depressed

- I wake up totally miserable in the morning. Then again, morning is relative, my sleep schedule usually gets delayed when I'm not in school or employed (5am- 2pm). Partly so I can escape my parents noise in the morning.

- I have trouble keeping appointments when I have to take a bus. Then again, a lot of that stress comes from the bus fare.

- I usually prefer to be alone, and I'm happiest when I'm alone in my room. Either that, or a fun, quiet social event, where I'm not expected to put on a front and I can just be myself. I struggle in intense, high energy environments, and get very frustrated.

- I get very hung up on the past, and I'm still not over a lot of what happened. I beat myself up over things. But the biggest, by far, is a former heartbreak. I'd call that situational, but everyone experiences heartbreak, and this has effected me a great deal.


Why I Might Not Be Depressed

- This is the big variable here: Sleep Apnea. The diagnosis was the reason why I thought I could handle being off of my meds in the first place, but then, I was in college and doing perfectly fine at the time. This annoying sleep apnea is why I'm still not sure whether this is clinical depression or situational. I use my CPAP machine, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it's working, and sometimes I accidentally remove it mid night (which is when I feel exceptionally more groggy). I'm not sure if it's working to its fullest capacity.

- A lot of depression is situational. Unemployment issues are definitely the biggest toll on me right now, with sexuality and not meeting girls lately being a close second. (Mainly from the unemployment). If I had work I was able to tolerate, I feel like my confidence would go up dramatically. I don't mean to sound spoiled, but I didn't go to college for four years and raise up my life expectations to be working at minimum wage retail, and still be living at home, especially when I have friends who are doing great things.

- I have hobbies I truly enjoy. I find a lot of happiness in art, organic farming, and travel.


Why I'm Reluctant To Take Medicine

So long story short, there are both situational reasons I'm depressed- (unemployed, living at home), and sleep reasons (sleep apnea is terrible!). There are possibly other things I have, like ADHD and neurological sensitivity to noise, but I'm not sure yet.

Thanks so much for listening, I would love feedback.

[kaliope]

depression is depression. situational or clinical, both can be addressed with meds if hindering your life enough. I see situational as easier to deal with because you can address the situations causing the depression. bothered by your parents, move out of their home, find a job that makes you happier, do things in life that bring you joy. seek new relationships. medication helps you think clearer so you can get over the hump to do all these things. take care.

[Kabuto]

I'm definitely very hesitant to take medication- I've been happy and unhappy off of meds and happy and unhappy on meds. Though this particular time period is the roughest, due to unemployment. I'm going to discuss this with a psychiatrist, I guess I'm looking for feedback on the more emotional level. Or I'm wondering, are these things that can be addressed without medicine?

I'm very hesitant to put something in my body I don't need, you know?

I'm not really a big fan of meds either but at this point I'm still depressed to the point that I need medication to even be a barely functioning individual. For me it helped level the playing field a little by making it easier to get up in the morning and stopped a lot of the negative thoughts going through my head. If you're okay without the medication I would try to be without but if things get bad then definitely don't be opposed. It is better to live with chemistry than to not live at all. Talking to your psych will definitely be a good idea though as they will have a better idea of what the diagnosis is and etc after talking more with you. Usually depression rears its face in the form of numbness and low self-esteem but it definitely is different for everyone. Kaliope is right though depression is still depression even if it's been triggered by something situational.

Best of luck and keep us updated (also, I'm glad you feel comfortable using this space to talk, vent, and ask questions!)

[Kabuto]

I may or may not need medication, but the physical cause of my depression is very high drowsiness, and a desire to sleep to get away from everything. Needless to say, this interferes with the work I don't have, and pretty much every aspect of my life- even though I get an average of 9 hours a night (10 at the most), my hours are irregular, and I'm still drowsy throughout the day. Psychologically, people are usually more trouble than they're worth, but I love my friends. This makes networking and meeting people a big problem. The biggest mystery is how much of this is caused by sleep apnea and how much is caused by depression :/- when I was on medicine, I remember myself being drowsy, but perhaps my mood was elevated a little bit. I wish I wasn't so reckless to have jumped off of it, but I'm also very hesitant to go back on it for those same psychological reasons.