[Kitcatluver]

I am not diagnosed with depression or any other type of disorder but I really do believe that there is something mentally wrong with me.
I think I have at least 1 of the following:
Depression
Bipolar
Borderline personality
Anxiety
ADHD/ADD (or at least my mom swears I do)
Insomnia

About 2-3 years ago I'd say that I fell into a deep depression. I was about thirteen and I started cutting, I was overdosing on pain killers, and I was going through eating disorder like episodes where anywhere from a week to month if eat barley anything at all (I had literly lost my apatite eating less than 500 cal. A day). My parents sent me to a social worker upon my request and she said that there was nothing wrong with me that I wasn't depressed just having family issues and stopped seeing me within the year. My parents thought I was magically cured just from them knowing and that I'd stop just because of that.

Today,
I still have no ability to cope with everyday life so...
The cutting still happens on occasion...
The drug abuse happens far less than the cutting...
And the "eating disorder" problem happens somewhere in between

I have never been in a romantic relationship
I can count my friends on one hand and I constantly feel like they are stabbing me in the back and/or abandoning me.
My family relationships are kinda the same. I seem alternate who I hate and admire and if I feel like they are abandoning me as well. It has created some fights in all of my relationships.

I cry when I get yelled at or just corrected like a two year old. And I always feel the need to defend myself; I always feel like someone is verbally attacking me.
My grandma and my grandpas sister has depression
I have a cousin who's autistic
And my younger brother is ADHD.

This depressed feeling that I've had for as long as I can remember gets worse at night. It's also when I'm most likely to have a mental breakdown and get in trouble.
I can't sleep no matter how tired I am. I get anywhere between 1-5 hours a night if I'm lucky. If I'm supper lucky I can get 8 but then I just want to sleep more because my body's not use to getting that much sleep and it is so deprived of it.

My grades are terrible. My motivation switches about as fast as my relationships. Ill get motivated and organized one min and not care about doing anything the next.

I'm sick and tired of feeling this way and I'm not sure what is wrong with me.
I have tried telling family members but they say I'm just being a teenager. My doctor (who can't tell the difference between a bug bite and hives. He doesn't care enough to actually look). Says its normal.

This post was originally supposed to be about the one sentence about the depression getting worst at night but I got carried away sorry.
Any advice is helpful.

[paynful]

I wish I could be more specific, but for starters...

There are a few diagnotisic quizzes on this site, but they won't serve you in any real capacity. But maybe, it could give you a general sense of where to research further.

Honestly, the best place to go would be your doctor. If nothing else, they will recommend a therapist. Even people without "disorders" talk to therapist. It can be a process to find the right therapist for you, but generally, they can help you with all of the issues you listed.

I'm sorry for your frustrations. If nothing else, keep "venting" here on PC.

[Kitcatluver]

Originally Posted by paynful

I wish I could be more specific, but for starters...

There are a few diagnotisic quizzes on this site, but they won't serve you in any real capacity. But maybe, it could give you a general sense of where to research further.

Honestly, the best place to go would be your doctor. If nothing else, they will recommend a therapist. Even people without "disorders" talk to therapist. It can be a process to find the right therapist for you, but generally, they can help you with all of the issues you listed.

I'm sorry for your frustrations. If nothing else, keep "venting" here on PC.

My mom doesn't listen. I try to tell her I want to talk to someone and she brushes it off saying I don't need to and any reason I give she says its not important enough to send me to see someone. I've had family members tell me it would be good for me to talk to someone if not for the possible depression than for my anger issues.
It kinda amuses me. She's sick of my attitude, and my anger problems, ect, but she doesn't do anything to help me with it except lecture and ground me.

My doctor is an idiot. No one really likes him and half the time we can't understand him. We asked him one time regarding my sleeping habits going from little sleep to sometimes oversleeping. My mom made it seem like one night I didn't get any sleep and the next I got a lot when that's not the case. I tried explaining but no one listens to the teenage that's actually having the problem.

Even if I tell my mom I want to talk to a therapist because I feel like I'm mentally crazy she won't go for it.

I like posting on these forms slightly better than the quizzes because the quizzes sometimes confuse me as to how to answer them, why I don't know. And with the forms I can post my story or what happens in my day to day life and some people what they think I have if I do have some sort of disorder.

I know the only way to get diagnosed is from some one certified but its nice to just have an idea and others opinions that may have already gone brought this or have similar problems to me.

[paynful]

Is there any support you could find at your school? A guidance counselor? The nurse? Or even an understanding teacher that you could turn to?

I only ask, because my mother is a middle school health teacher, and she is always willing to listen and help her kids. She has some one for Starting Point and the Teen Clinic (Planned Parenthood associate) come in every semester to talk to the kids. I don't know your area, but... Starting Point is a local free service/place that offers everything from counselling, safe havens, legal advise to career asisstance.

[Altered Moment]

Start by listing your symptoms and how they effect your life. You did a pretty good job of that in your first post.
Cutting and drug use are very serious and signs of covering up and underlying issue.
Eating disorders, no appetite are symptoms and signs of covering up
Grades suffering effecting your life.
Relationship problems.
Feelings of abandonment can mean an underlying big abandonment issue. Not supported by your mother. Is your father in the picture?
Family history of depression. Big factor.
Sleep problems. Big symptom of depression.
Depressed mood. No motivation. big symptoms.

It is possible that it is adolecence and you will out grow it but that doesn't mean you don't need help now. My daughter had alot of problems as a teenager. We tried to get her as much help as she was willing to go to. She is 20 now and is doing great. With her family history I fear that she will have problems in the future however. These diseases can hit you at different times in your life. I first started getting major depression when I was 13.