[mulan]

For what it matters I'm hatting my day. And I'm feeling a little down.
Nothing special, just remembering the good times (it seams like a cicle) that made me realize I didn't belong anywhere.
I'm not been sleeping very well, since a month ago (perhaps). Today I sleep the entire night and about 9h. It counts for what? I feel more drowsy, with light head when I sleep fine, then when I don't. And one good thing about my sleep, it helps me erasing more easily my few memories. So here I am, the same shadow.
The interesting part is that I made some tests last week and I was told that I had a great short time memory, so once again, no one will belives me.

I know the next to months will be awfawl. The first day was already terrible and made feel very alone...and what about the all next weeks?
Sitting beside two girls that I know for fourth years (been in my class since than) and it was I wasn't even there. Even I was talking to them and trying to mingle in their conversation, even I have talk to both of them lots of times.

And the part that I love the most, pratical classes. So we have to divide into groups and I'm allways the one who is forgotten. Me in the morning asking these and those if they already had group, if they had a place left I wouldn't mind to fill it...but even people hadn't at the time already decide they didn't take me in consideration, I wasn't even an option. I had to wait them to decide, all of them, who they want to stay with, for me to have a group. It's not a bad one, but I feel like a burden, that they just let me in because they felt pitty of me. And this horrible ritual it's going to happen every two weeks until the end of schoolar year.

Then I could do nothing then being in the bed, because how drowsy I felt. And every atemptive of mine to talk to someone today was a failure. I don't have I life, I don't have nothing to say, I don't remember my past and my future...I don't have any interests...so I can't be an interesting person. But I tried and tried and tried for four years, and in the end is even I'm not there. It's going to be like this forever. And as the time goes by, I'm just more and more ignored.

[Maria38Divine]

Hi Mulan,

I know what it feels like to feel forgotten. But keep your chin up Even if you're the last to be chosen in class, it does not change the fact that you are a special and wonderful person. There are people in this world who will see that. The one's who can't see it are just blind.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by mulan

Sitting beside two girls that I know for fourth years (been in my class since than) and it was I wasn't even there. Even I was talking to them and trying to mingle in their conversation, even I have talk to both of them lots of times.

This is a most difficult kind of loneliness - to be near familiar people and yet all alone.

Strength to you, Mulan.