Hate my life so badly

My life has always been shity even before im born to this world, when my mum passed away, i found her diary and i read it.. found out that my dad never want me to born and try to kill me (never knew why im born and wish im dead at that time)

Grew up with my parents oftenly fighting in front of me (dad throwing stuff like chair, etc to my mum)

Dad leave me alone on the street when my mum passed away (i sleep at the street with no money at all, i was 16 or 17 still a student), thats the first time im thinking about killing my self.

After that my life is literally being upside down.. get up and get crush so bad so oftenly, until i met this girl.. and she really makes me happy and have high hope of a bright future together with her.. she become my fiancee.

Until few months ago i lose my job and few days ago she leave me and making impression that it was my fault, and i was so heart broken, depress and in pain..

But thats not enough !! Because today i just found out that actually she was cheating on me for the second time! (the first time was last year and i forgive her while she promise me that she wont dont that anymore) and this time she cheating on me with 2 guys!!

I approach one of them to ask him nicely if he knews about me and ask him if he really care about her.. i would love to him to take care of her.. because even tho she hurt me so bad, i still love and care about her, he told me he didnt know and feel sorry also will back off but later on my ex was being mad at me.. turns out he talks bad about me and now she delete and blocked me from everywhere like facebook, skype and everywhere else.

I really dont know if i ever can even get up again.. cause this is just making me so freaking tired with this life.. i really regret the day i was being born when i shouldnt and thinking about ending my life just so i dont need to faced this shity life anymore.

Wow you have had a tough time of it. I think it is time you reach out and get some help.

Hi. Glad you found PC. We have a lot of people that are willing to listen. Sometimes it just helps to talk a bout the pain. You may need to seek the help of a therapist. You have a lot of issues to work through. Hope we can help.

Welcome!! Thank you for sharing.

I'm sorry you have been through so much, but it does sound like you are the stronger for it. I say, use that strength.

While you thought this woman made you happy, it wasn't real for her. That is a very difficult realization, but you MUST see that being happy is POSSIBLE. You deserve better than that woman! She wasn't worthy of you or your love.

It all seems so desolate right now, but opportunity is around every corner if you are brave enough to look for it. Stay strong until you can. There is happiness and the RIGHT woman out there for you.

I'm new on this site as well. I too lost my mom when I was young. I too recently lost my job and my husband of 3 years told me he didn't want me and he married me for the green card. I too sometimes want to end this pain. I'm not telling you this to feel sorry for me. But to tell you you are not alone. I have my moments of weakness but we can't give up.there is a reason why those bad people that hurt USO bad they are no longer with us. It was God's way to let us know we deserve better. Take it from me. I'm still in total denial. I still call my ex and beg him to be with me. I still can't sleep but is all so fresh. I'm taking my life one hour at a time. See what I'm doing my next hour. I worked out yesterday felt a little better. Had a job interview this morning. It was tuff 5 people all asking me questions at the same time and none of them knew that I had been sleeping on the streets sometimes or crying depress with thoughts off ending my life for the past month. So you see. We are stronger than we think. Get help if you can. Focus on getting a new job. Cry if you need to but don't let nobody dismiss you. Prove them wrong and get your life back. We are here for something great. I'm saying this to you and to myself. Because is hard but we can't give up.

@zinco14532323 i know and im trying my best with a limit resources of help

@gayleggg i have no job and i barely have enough money to survive for another month cause its been tough to get a job these days cause im 30 and not much jobs available for people around my age, and there is none of free helps in my country.. thats why im searching around the net until i found this forum and hope i can get some help or even get some smile just to make me abit forgeting every pain

@paynful i have always been trying my best to keep stronger and im lucky enough even tho i was living at the street with no money to even eat.. i can finish my school by taking any job i can get despite im still too young to get any job.. and i always have try to get up everytime i get knocked down.. but im just too tired to even try to get up again.. when its never makes me gets better.. thats why im looking for anything to give me a bit strength

@Kindheart17 your story are pretty much makes me relived that im really are not alone.. people with pretty much same story like min are out there and still hang on to this life..
me too want my girl back and today i tried to make a new account (since she blocked me everywhere already), find her and try my best to talk nicely if we at least can still be friend so in my head at least i can still had a slight chance to prove her i care about her so much.. but she told me im the one who makes her cheating on me (dont know why cause i swear i never cheating on her at all and i always show how much i love her every single day with my attention and stuff) and then she block and report me..
and i hope i can be as strong as u are cause i really hate giving up

I am sorry there is not free help in your country. Look around on these forums and you will find things that way help you. You are not alone here that is for sure.

I know what you mean. When my ex blocked from his Facebook I went into anxiety attack. I know is Facebook shouldn't mean anything but we went from been married status to block. Believe me after that I tried to find any possible way to reach out to him. I still do. Specially mornings and night time. I showed up to the house I know everybody think I'm nuts or stalker. But how can you stop caring for someone from one day to the next. I'm trying my best to remain strong. I haven't had one full day of been strong. I break Down a lot. Some days more than others. I don't have a lot of friends and those that supposed to be there maybe call once in a while or say they will call but don't. I understand everyone has a life to live. Like I said I try to live one hour at a time for now. That's all I can do but it isn't easy. I don't drive and I live far. Is not like I can go for walks. I have barely any friends just trying my very best. I don't seem to enjoy anything. Everything reminds me of him. Everything and I get super sad. I can't understand how a person loves you one day a d the next they don't. You hang in there better days have to come for the two of us. Don't loose your life over anybody. That's what I say. You hang in there. Don't give up. I'm trying my best not to.

i know its sucks for even trying to understand how can a person changes so quick from loving and caring to become a person who treat us as their enemy and avoiding us.
i cant even sleep for few days already.. everytime i tried, i got nightmares about me and my ex..
im gonna try my best to hang in here..