[veiledregret1234]

Wake up, go to work, choke down food I don't enjoy or even particularly taste. Put on a ******** smile and pretend I'm not dying by degrees. I feel like such a failure. I've isolated myself into irrelevance. Even my 12year old son is too busy to see me. I'm a nuisance or an ATM depending on the day. Habit is the only thing that gets me out of bed. I do what I do because that's what I did yesterday. No drive, just inertia.

Originally Posted by veiledregret1234

Wake up, go to work, choke down food I don't enjoy or even particularly taste. Put on a ******** smile and pretend I'm not dying by degrees. I feel like such a failure. I've isolated myself into irrelevance. Even my 12year old son is too busy to see me. I'm a nuisance or an ATM depending on the day. Habit is the only thing that gets me out of bed. I do what I do because that's what I did yesterday. No drive, just inertia.

I feel the same way. Except that I do not have any kids. It seems like I go like clockwork. I do things precisely on the minutes. It seems very insane to me.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by veiledregret1234

No drive, just inertia.

Sounds a lot like me. Every once in a while there's some focus, and every once in a while there's some energy, and every once in a rare while the energy and focus will sync. But that's about it.

[paynful]

I know it doesn't sound very encouraging, but I'm glad that you can still force yourself to do things... even if it feels like empty gestures.

It's when you can't even bring yourself to go through the motions, that really worries me.

I guess, I think of it as strength of character... the ability to endure and move forward... even if you aren't going anywhere. Being in a stand still and stagnant is much worse.

Dragging yourself through the motions is still really impressive. Like paynful said, it really shows your strength. I wish I could say that much about be haha but no I've thrown off my sleeping schedule and can barely making it through a day.

[gayleggg]

Originally Posted by keeprolling

Dragging yourself through the motions is still really impressive. Like paynful said, it really shows your strength. I wish I could say that much about be haha but no I've thrown off my sleeping schedule and can barely making it through a day.

Thank you for reminding me I could be worse off. I'm like paynful. I get go through motions, but at least I can go through them.

[veiledregret1234]

I keep thinking that if I just pretend like nothing is wrong long enough, maybe one day it might be true. Until then I go where the little box tells me to.

[veiledregret1234]

Tired all the time. Only caring enough about things to not kill someone by my inattention. So sick of hiding, just sick of all of it. With no energy to be angry.