Friends are ignoring me lately, and this is making me more depressed than usual....

I have two good friends, and one of them is my so called best friend who live in the same city as me. I've known them both for about 2-3 years. Anyways, the one that I'm the most upset with is friend A. Friend A recently got a new b.f who she's known for 25 years. They are both divorced and they have kids. She's a little over 10 years older than me but has been acting like a love struck teenager since he contacted her on F.B a month ago.

The last time that I spoke to her via text, I asked her if she'd like to see a movie. I did NOT invite her b.f, only HER. I made a comment about how she should see a certain movie with her b.f since I had already saw this one movie already with friend B. Well, she then asked me if her b.f could come. I then said, uh, yeah. She then took forever to text me back since she had to check in with him to see if he was also interested in seeing the same movie. It took her over half an hour to text me back! WTH?

She has always told me that she is independent, but that she wishes that she had a man to help her around the house and that I'm lucky that I have a good husband. She has been divorced twice. Her ex husbands were both cheating drug addicts. She had kids after h.s and had to raise two kids on her own with almost no financial support.

Anyways, I left a message for her last night and asked her if she wanted to see a movie. I got NO response from her at all! The last time that I saw her, she seemed fine, but her b.f was quiet and barely spoke to me. I don't know if he ended up not liking me. If that is the case, then maybe she is ignoring me because he doesn't want to hang out with me again knowing that I wasn't thrilled about being a third wheel?

I was polite, but I subtly told her in the car when they dropped me off last time if she wanted to see a movie next week, but I did NOT invite him at first! Then to be polite only, I then suggested that maybe he can come with us if he likes. I told him that it was nice meeting him, but I don't think that he said anything back to me. Could she be upset that I don't want him around or could he be the main problem?

I texted her earlier since she has told me in the past that her phone was off or that the battery died. That or she didn't want to call me to late. She has told me that to often in the past, so I think it's B.S most of the time as she used to pick up the phone almost all the time when I called in the past and she'd initiate calls and invites more often! She's also respond to my emails a lot quicker! If this helps, she used to be depressed since she had a demanding and mean boss. She now has a nice boss who is easy going who treats her well. She is happier and off meds I think. So perhaps she doesn't need me anymore?

Also, she has gotten to be much more inconsiderate of my time for months before she even started dating that guy. She initiated plans a lot less since she changed bosses and she'd pick me up half an hour late at times since she was usually busy doing something at the last minute or talking to her daughter who is always having issues with her marriage. I think that's rude, but I let it go for a long time. She could at least call or text me to let me know that she's running late!

I asked a few friends for advice, and one guy told me to not say a thing to her as she'll just stop talking to me if I do. WTH? I don't think that I should have to keep on putting up with rude behavior and being ignored. Real friends should be honest with each other. Also, another friend told me that I worry to much and that perhaps she's just busy and that since I just called her yesterday, that I should just basically be patient. It's NOT like her to not return my calls when it comes to planning something promptly.

There is one problem that I'm aware of that she's currently dealing with that might explain why she hasn't contacted me back yet aside from the new b.f. And that is her sick aunt who is being very demanding. She is not close to her at all, but she feels a sense of obligation to try to help her even though there is another relative that's closer to her that she thinks should be the one taking care of this aunt.

I think that they finally decided to put her in a nursing home though as she can't afford a live in nurse and she has no one to care for her, no family, no friends, no one. Still, the least she could do is say, sorry, but I'll be busy this weekend? We have never had a fight, and I have always been a good friend to her, so I don't get why she is treating me like this. Am I doing something wrong or expecting to much? I don't think that I am!

As for friend B, well, she is my so called best friend but she hardly acts like it anymore. For over a year now she has ignored 99% of my calls and she takes a long time to respond to my emails. She is dealing with a lot of bad things at once like dealing with type 2 diabetes, but she's doing a lot better now and her main issue for now is that finances are really bad for her at the moment since she's unemployed and her unemployment benefits ran out months ago.

She has to rely on the help of her uncle to pay for her medical expenses and her soon to be ex. She also has to eat at her mom's place now! So I can understand some of that, but she no longer initiates any calls or get togethers anymore as well. I have to do everything, and like friend A, she used to treat me more like an equal, but not anymore! Why would they react to me like this? It's so frustrating and depressing!

If anyone has any advice they could give me, I'd appreciate it! As for friend A, I'm planning on having a talk with her in person next time. I plan on saying, is everything OK? If it isn't, I'd like to know about it since I've noticed that I've been initiating all the get togethers for quite awhile. I'll also tell her that I'd appreciate getting a call or text when she's going to be late. I'll tell her that my feelings get hurt and I worry when she ignores my calls. I'm sure that I can phrase things better. If so, please tell me what I should and shouldn't say. I don't want to make her upset. Same with friend B.

I've had pretty similar situations lately. It's completely felt like my friends are just fed up with me and are trying to ignore me. My situation is certainly not exactly the same, but I can certainly offer some advice.

Well it's more like a hard earned lesson. Something that my therapist is having to pound into my head. I'm a lot like you, I'm shy and tend to take things very personally. But the lesson that has helped me tremendously is:
Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
It's certainly not easy to do...but my gosh...it helps SO much!

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this, but it won't last forever!

Thanks for responding- Sorry to hear that your friends maybe got fed up with you, or simply may have not cared as much about the friendship as you. I don't think that they are fed up with me, at least I don't think so as I have complained to them a lot less lately and I always listen to their problems. I'm always asking them how they're doing and doing thoughtful things for them.

I don't think that I'm needy or smothering them at all as I don't call them that often or even email them that often! I just initiate all of our get togethers now! UGH!!! They both know that I'm depressed, but it seems like they were accepting of my issues. Friend A even dealt with some depression that was brought on by a horrible former boss and a difficult roomate as well.

She was never quite as depressed as me and even told me that I never came across as being depressed to her! I then told her that it's because it was always fun hanging out with her and that she made me laugh! I always had fun with friend B too, but for a long time I have suspected that friend B, my so called best friend is jealous of me since she has to struggle in life and her life is hard compared to mine. One red flag is that she never compliments me on anything anymore, and she used to when things were better for her.

Anyways, I have always been a good friend to both of them, so to be treated like this bothers me! It only takes a minute or less to call, text, or email a response, so to not do so speaks volumes about how the other person feels about you, like you're not really a priority in their life at all! Ugh! If this helps, they have more friends than me, and they're both usually busy people and more social.

Still, their sudden change in behaviour is very odd and it's raising red flags. I try not to take things personally, but yes, it is hard to not do so when this happens! Sometimes I feel like giving up as most people tend to be so selfish and thoughtless. Hopefully I'm wrong about them and hopefully they'll get back to me soon. If they do, I'm definitely going to tell them how I feel as nicely as I can. I hope that will understand where I'm coming from and change. If not, then I might have to give up on them and find new friends who are more caring and attentive.

Another thing about friend B, my so called best friend....she has told me twice that she doesn't want to hear about my problems anymore unless I plan to do something about it. She has also told me to not "chase" my other friend as it'll push people away. That's a weird word to use when it comes to a friend. Another male friend told me the same thing!

Also, since she got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, she has told me that she can't handle any stress in her life. She has had panic attacks since she was diagnosed, but she's been better now and has managed to loose weight and get her numbers down. I can't help but feel that she just doesn't care about anything that doesn't concern her to much.

She tends to do what's most convenient for herself. Even her other friends who I don't know have told her that she doesn't spend enough time with them. So I suspect that she's a bit selfish. Of course, she thinks nothing of telling me about her problems and the same old stories all the time about the lame guys who used to be in her life, ugh!

I just tune her out after awhile w/o being to obvious after telling her that I've already heard it all before nicely. Perhaps I've been way to tolerant of bad behavior for to long, so maybe this has gotten to become a habit for them? One last thing, friend B has sort of panicked and asked me why I didn't answer my phone late at night after calling me two or three times. I honestly didn't know it was her at first since she rarely calls me that late and my phone was on vibrate and charging. I did talk to her once that I realized it was her, and she called me around midnight to talk about some guy that didn't text her back at that time. WTH? UGH!!!!