[mulan]

I'm somehow venting right now.
I wish I could answear and read some post to left some of my disapointment go away and help someone, but now I'm too tired to even start reading someone else posts. So if you read mine I thank you.
There are many people in my life that are showing me by these days how they don't like me. It hurts, hurts being ignored, hurst knowing that people don't like you. The world is unfair and they left you asside. My medschool should be the best in my country even so, some classmates found out the exam one day before the evaluation, so they knew the question...this is pretty bad already, in lots of ways. But they kept it for them. So they knew and didn't tell almost anyone. I felt betrayed, men.
And then the people that should know me better than anyone else, to whom I told my secrets, the way I feel and I think, show me that they don't like me so much...what does it means? I trust them, and they show me that they came to the conclusion I'm not a good person. Adding to this the fact of my mother being allways insulting me. And the fact that the psichologist that was running me some test, and that I found to young and to "cool" for me to trust and be hoppen to her wants me to have an apointment with her...Just if I want or think that I need. Firts I think it will never work with her, second there isn't much things in my life holding me back so I don't have any to say, third my psychiastrist was thinking about some kind of therapy to me (that we will discuss later) and she have no idea about this, fourth I don't want my family to interfire in my dicisions and ask me questions about this (what they certainly will do) and the mail letter certainly with the apointment date will come to my house in the week days, when I'm in another city and house, and as I know my parents, they will open it without me being here, and they will ask me a bunch of questions about it. I'm getting kinda lost.

I'm sad that things are so tough for you right now for what it matters I think you're a good person! In the end, as always, I'm here whenever you want to chat

[Maria38Divine]

We're here for you, Mulan. Extra big hug!!

Mulan...I know how you struggle with trying to find some independence in your house and how hard that is. It's simply not fair to be doing what you're doing and have to deal with depression ON TOP of all of that. You're really doing amazing and I know that as soon as you are on your own, your life will change drastically.

Did you report the people that cheated?

FWIW, I don't let on that anything is wrong with me...I put on a brave face because confessing just tends to chase people away....they can't deal with it.

Hugs to you and get through the days one at a time....

There is a saying by Winston Churchill that you probably know..."If you're going through hell, keep going"

[orchidlotus]

I definitely do not want to make this about me, but your disappointment resonates with my current situation right now! I am also a medical student, and unfortunately I know how competitive it can get. And on top of how much we have to study, the last thing we need is to be dealing with nonsense with people around you. In terms of the exam, honestly don't give it a second thought! When we're practicing doctors, you will not have a 'heads up' on the diagnosis of your patient, not will the grade of that test matter to your patient. Just think your medical education is for *you* regardless of what others are doing around you (as unfair as it may be). Trust me, I know that story too well...For example, my PBL classmates made a WhatsApp group and consulted with each other the questions during the exam! I got a C in that class without having cheated, I don't know what the others got but at least I know my conscience is clean! You know what I mean?
Hang in there, I know how hard it is to suffer from a mental condition and still have to invest every ounce of energy you have in studying so hard. Take care of yourself and you'll pull through!!

[mulan]

Thank you all for you answears...
keeprolling - I know you're there I appreciate.But how we use to say by these sides "one swallow does not make spring" (directly translated from google )

sophiesmom - I can't really report the people who cheated... I'm the outsider, and almost everyone knew. When I tried to bring the topic today anyone whom I talked about it was upstep or even really listen to me. Almost everyone knew, and as nobody wants to talk about it, I don't have a source to know even who where the ones who did it in the first place. I will go trhough hell then.

Orchidlotus - thanks for sharing your story. It made me realize that is not on my little country, on this side of globe, that students do this kind of things... I hear so many stories like this...grrr