Some days are good, some days are bad... then there's days like this. When I just want to say "**** it" and disappear. Not talking about suicide. Just running away from the wreck that is my life and living on a mountain somewhere.
Fair warning... I'll ramble.
Every penny I make goes either into the house (bills) or for medical bills (mostly dentist - I have no insurance but major problems). So I can't get myself the things I need, let alone want, or even move out of the basement my fiance and I are renting, but I'm forced to see my cousin in her fancy two-storey house every week, and my two little nieces whose rooms are each bigger than our apartment (I'm not joking). I struggle as a freelancer, take on extra projects and work 12-14 hours a day some days, but I still can't keep up with demands, let alone save some money or use it for something to make me happy.
All this is worsening my depression - and, of course, I had to stop therapy because I can't afford that anymore, either. In the end it was a toss between therapy and dental, and I can't put tooth infections on hold. Had two teeth pulled out just this week... and I have to get at least five more of them treated. (It got this way because my previous dentist was a charlatan... and it took me two full years to realize that his work was so sloppy).
I've been poor all my life. I thought hard work would get me out of the gutter, but no... being an adult just means earning more to spend more. And of course it doesn't help that everyone around me is being successful, getting married, making bank or just mooching off their rich families. Ugh. There's no justice in this world.
And if anyone is gonna tell me it gets better... *sigh* wheeeennn? I'll soon-ish be 30. This isn't how I pictured my life.
Don't mind me... I just wanted to whine.
Mar 19, 2014, 02:58 PM
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.
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