I am wondering if anyone else is experiencing this.....Because of this illness and having no desire to do much, my house is not perfect. But lately, I'm finding the need to purge everything. I don't want any "junk". If I had my way, nothing would be on these stupid built-in shelves that I have, all of the movies that I have seen would be gone, I would have NOTHING that I don't use on a daily basis....well, you get the idea. It's almost as if "things" are causing me anxiety (and really, I don't have that much...we don't hoard or anything)

But also, I'm finding that my thinking is "so that when I'm dead, nobody will have to deal with it". I am NOT suicidal.
It's almost as if depression has left me with the thought that I don't want to be a bother, even in death.
It's making me smaller and smaller.

Anyone relate? Or is it just my own quirk?

maybe you are nesting.

[regretful]

I can relate to this...as my depression has progressed this time, I find that I not only think of the things that would have to be thrown away in the event of my passing, but also thinking of those things belonging to aging relatives and wanting them to get rid of stuff too. You're quote "so that when I'm dead, nobody will have to deal with it" captures perfectly an aspect of depression...excessive guilt is what I go through not wanting to be a burden on anyone at all...

Hi Sophiesmom: Oh yes... actually I get this periodically. A couple of years ago I sold off a large library of wonderful books... out they went! Some of them irreplaceable. Before that, I shredded every picture I had of my birth family... just didn't want 'em around anymore & didn't want 'em to end up laying on some second-hand store shelf with strangers pawing through them... likewise the family history. I figured nobody but me would even know what any of it was about, let alone care. Neither my wife nor I are savers. So there's no one to restrain our enthusiasm. If we don't see any immanent use for something... out it goes!

[Rohag]

Yes, I have the urge - but not the focus and energy - to purge the "stuff" of decades and pare down to as little as possible. I do not at present think I will be successful in accomplishing this.

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

It's almost as if depression has left me with the thought that I don't want to be a bother, even in death.

I can relate.

[gayleggg]

I totally relate. I don't havee the engery to get it done, but I keep seeing stuff I'm not using. Hate to think of my daughter going through all this stuff. I'm the only one most of it has any attachtment to any of it. Some of it goes back to my great grandmother. But my time here is getting shorter and somebody needs to go through it. Ugh!

[Silent Void]

I do this too - purge the house of all extraneous stuff every year or so. I also got rid of a huge library. That is the only thing I regret.

[Pierro]

Hello, maybe you are trying to clear your mind but can't. So the only thing you can do is clear your life of material things? Just a thought. Its a lot easier to throw out stuff in your house but not as easy to clear our minds of thoughts. It would be great to "dump" emotional "rubbish". Best wishes.

[paynful]

In my mind, there are 3 categories for my "things." 1) Necessities 2) Sentimental 3) Decoration

1)When it comes to necessities, everyone tends to have a "X month" rule. Mine is usually a whole year... If I haven't needed it in 2 seasons, then I don't need it, and it's just keeping up space.

2)It's the sentimental nonsense that usually pisses me off. I tend to keep things thinking that I will look back at one day foundly... pictures, ticket stubs, hand-written notes, birthday cards, etc.... It's all awesome until you have to move or clean the room you are storing it in. Then I just end up throwing most of it out. It happens to me all the time... and I tend to stress about it.

3) Decoration... umm yeah... I don't really nest or decorate. I'm a more function or fashion type. Unless it improves comfort... it's just some else to clean or dust. No thanks. ...But now that I think about it.. maybe this is why I've never felt at "home," because I've never made a space my own. Hmmm... maybe I'll have to watch a decorating show... JK

I do tend to go through "purging" like you described, but only when I'm restless and going stir-crazy. I get livid over the uselessness of everything.. including me, but I can't get away from myself... so EVERYTHING ELSE MUST GO!! Usually, I'm too tired though.

Are you just guessing about the medication effecting you this way, because you don't know where else these thoughts could come from?
Maybe you should organize a yard sale or charity auction? That way you could direct your energies into something productive instead of just "not leaving a mess for someone else when you die."

(I'm sure you are telling the truth, but I just have to ask.... You would tell us if you were suicidal, right? Please, say something if you are actually trying to "tie up loose ends." Increase in suicidal ideation is a common side effect of certain anti-depressants.)

[hvert]

Yes, I have similar feelings. For me it is less about caring what happens to my crap after I'm gone, and more closely related to just being overwhelmed in general. Seeing everything lying around makes me stressed about the projects I won't finish. I see my messy house and think that if I had less crap, there would be less mess to deal with.

I wonder if depressed people tend to have more or less clutter than the non-depressed...

[bazzinga1990]

No, I totally have felt what you have felt. I have recently infact experenced this myself and i wasn't sure what it was our where it was coming from either but i really do think it still relates to depression.

I think it has to do with wanting and the need we have to feel something, anything.

i've noticed when i buy stuff there is this feeling i have that makes me feel confident and just good inside.

and when i got rid of some of my things i wasn't using but really didn't need to get rid of, I felt less anxious and had a good clean feeling.

anyways, i think its that lack of feelings we have , and maybe used to have, that our body's and minds miss with out us realizing it.

But this all is just my take on it because like i said, i've been there and still notice this about myself that troubles me also and is enough to make my parents wonder why or what i'm doing with my stuff.

as far as the "I feel that i'm a bother to my family" I've been there too and again it is normal to feel this way.

Just dont give up, ok. you can talk to me anytime and pm me whenever also.

[bazzinga1990]

Also i have some poems on my youtube channel that are positive and might help you to feel abit better i hope.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwx...35UQT4x3oprNnQ

[bazzinga1990]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

Hi Sophiesmom: Oh yes... actually I get this periodically. A couple of years ago I sold off a large library of wonderful books... out they went! Some of them irreplaceable. Before that, I shredded every picture I had of my birth family... just didn't want 'em around anymore & didn't want 'em to end up laying on some second-hand store shelf with strangers pawing through them... likewise the family history. I figured nobody but me would even know what any of it was about, let alone care. Neither my wife nor I are savers. So there's no one to restrain our enthusiasm. If we don't see any immanent use for something... out it goes!

I really love how you use so many emotion icons in what you write. I just love it so much!!!!

Originally Posted by bazzinga1990

I really love how you use so many emotion icons in what you write. I just love it so much!!!!

I agree. It makes me smile....

[NWgirl2013]

I think I call it spring cleaning. I do this at least twice a year. My closet, yep. A lot goes out.
I am trying to do it in a thoughtful way though. I am sorting pictures with the intent of passing the responsibility of the memories and history onto others who can then do as they wish with this stuff.
All the movies are pointless now. I can stream anything that is out there and not have to dust it. Same with books but I have saved a few.
Simplifying your life is a good thing, it helps the depression if you ask me. I don't think my things being gone reduces me in any way. They are not me, just stuff.

Yeah I do this. I throw out sacks of stuff at a time. For me it seems to be when I am suicidal but I don't even really realise it at the time. It's not until a week or two down the line and I end up in hospital that I see that it was linked and I was just subconsciously preparing.