[Viuam]

I have horrible taste in men. Anyone who has read my posts will know that. My last boyfriend cheated on me with his secretary and then married her three months after we broke up. There is probably some long-winded post somewhere explaining how that went down. This time however, I have had the pleasure of finding out that my fresh, brand spanking new ex cheated on me with a 20 year old MONTHS before we broke up. While he was treating me like a doormat (and let's be real, I LET myself be treated that way) he spent copious amounts of money on this child, including buying her a ****ing car. He also took her out to dinner and clubs, he would pick her up at any time or place upon her request, and he basically treated her like a princess. Now, you would think that he's exclusive with her at this point since it looks like he's pulling out all the stops, right? But no, ooooohhhh no no no, a few weeks ago he met another girl at a bar who apparently takes care of his cooking and cleaning needs and spends most of the time at his house.

Now, I have to ask the men in here... What. The. ****. I am beyond pissed off. This is the second time I've been emotionally ***** slapped and I've had it. I am trying very hard not to think that since it's the second time there must be something seriously wrong with me. I'm in one of those moods where you just feel like eating tuna and pineapple until you look like a stick and then act like an evil biatch and break hearts right and left. I am never, EVER going to open up to someone again.

Edit: Of course I think that there is something seriously wrong with me, I wouldn't be struggling with depression otherwise. What I mean is that regardless of my depression that sort of behavior is not justifiable in any way. Am I right about that at least? I would never even think of doing that to someone, I'd just dump them if I had the need to look elsewhere.

[Curupira]

Ouch, and yes you are right. That kind of behavior is not ok. That is no way to treat another human being, and depressed or not you deserve better.

Please don't let it dictate your life though. You deserve to eat food because it tastes good and you deserve to have positive realtionships with other people.

Wow. I'm so sorry about this. What an asshole....
Don't ever blame yourself for the actions of others.
I have been out of the dating game for a long time, so I may be way off base but it seems to me that emotion has taken a back seat to selfishness.
I know that anyone can get anything they want whenever they want it, but that seems to preclude basic decency. (You gentlemen are excluded, of course....but it's sad that you are quickly becoming a rare breed)

So, no I don't think that it's your taste. I think it's a lack of decency. You COULD join them if you want to. But you don't, and that's what makes you perfectly perfect.

I will hate men all day long on your behalf.....

[ToeJam]

Ok, a bloke here.

Sorry this has happened to you… there are going to be players from both sides of the sexual table… and to get stung twice is going to suck.

Personally, I am very monogamous, but my dad was a player (passed on and I loved him to bits… he never cheated on my mum, I don’t think he would have dared… but she was aware he had a wandering eye… ‘a window shopper’ is how he’d placate her… which didn’t necessarily prevent cutlery being thrown at him lol).

Some people are just like that though… it doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person, but honesty is very much the best policy in situations like that. Some of the best marriages and relationships can be the ‘open’ ones… but both sides need to be 100% comfortable with it.

From your side though, I guess one positive to be gained from it is knowledge and experience, being able to pick up on the signs early, giving you opportunity to say ‘hit the road jack’.

There will be someone out there that is 100% commited and doesn’t waver, so consider the traits that you look for in a partner and identify the bits that ring the warning bell.

Edit: Tangent story - when I was about 7 my dad and I went to nearest city to do some shopping. After a while he wanted a rest, and so we sat down... I was getting bored and asked my dad what was the point? He replied "just sit back, relax and watch the totty go by".

We get home, my Mum asks me how was the trip and I explained quite proudly that we were 'watching the totty walk by'.... suffice to say I ended up going out to play as the fall out occurred.

My dad never did let that one rest, bemusement all round haha.

[Viuam]

Thanks guys. I appreciate the insight. I actually confronted him yesterday and he completely denied it, but at least I got the satisfaction of watching him squirm. I honestly don't see the point of denying something like that when you've been caught red handed and the relationship is over anyway. But who the hell knows how people like that justify their actions. I blocked him from my phone/social media/email once I told him off, so after the initial denials and requests to speak to the person who told me everything (yeah, like I'm going to rat someone out like that) I haven't heard from him today. Nor do I ever want to. There is nothing he can say that will change anything. And believe me, my source is 100% reliable. I have no doubts whatsoever as to the veracity of what I've been told.

Sofiesmom and Curupira... No, I don't want to join the ranks of the ultimate douchebags, but I am definitely a doormat and it has to stop. I don't know how, but this can't happen again.

ToeJam ... Yeah, open relationships are not my cup of tea. Kudos to those who can, but honesty has to be a key component in that sort of relationship. Trust me, honesty was nowhere to be found in this particular situation. You are right about the red flags, in this situation they were glaringly obvious and I just pranced along like it wasn't going to happen to me. Many, many people warned me as well, so I have nowhere to hide and feel sorry for myself. Maybe a little more self love is required before I think about seeing someone else again.

Edit: Right now I just want to make a voodoo doll with his face on it and stick needles in it or something. Or go all ghetto a la Tiger Woods ex and take a golf club to his car. I obviously won't do any of those things, but I am in the throes of wrath atm.

[Viuam]

Originally Posted by ToeJam

Ok, a bloke here.

Sorry this has happened to you… there are going to be players from both sides of the sexual table… and to get stung twice is going to suck.

Personally, I am very monogamous, but my dad was a player (passed on and I loved him to bits… he never cheated on my mum, I don’t think he would have dared… but she was aware he had a wandering eye… ‘a window shopper’ is how he’d placate her… which didn’t necessarily prevent cutlery being thrown at him lol).

Some people are just like that though… it doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person, but honesty is very much the best policy in situations like that. Some of the best marriages and relationships can be the ‘open’ ones… but both sides need to be 100% comfortable with it.

From your side though, I guess one positive to be gained from it is knowledge and experience, being able to pick up on the signs early, giving you opportunity to say ‘hit the road jack’.

There will be someone out there that is 100% commited and doesn’t waver, so consider the traits that you look for in a partner and identify the bits that ring the warning bell.

Edit: Tangent story - when I was about 7 my dad and I went to nearest city to do some shopping. After a while he wanted a rest, and so we sat down... I was getting bored and asked my dad what was the point? He replied "just sit back, relax and watch the totty go by".

We get home, my Mum asks me how was the trip and I explained quite proudly that we were 'watching the totty walk by'.... suffice to say I ended up going out to play as the fall out occurred.

My dad never did let that one rest, bemusement all round haha.

Ok, admittedly, that was hilarious. You mum must be a very strong willed woman, and your dad must have gotten in trouble often jajajaja. I imagine that totty is some English slang for booty?

[Maria38Divine]

Viaum,

All I can say is: I feel your pain. Been in a few unfortunate relationships too, but hoping--deep, deep, deep inside--that my now skewed view of men will not get in the way of me spotting a decent fellow. Let's hang in there and hope for the best for each of us

[Viuam]

Originally Posted by Maria38Divine

Viaum,

All I can say is: I feel your pain. Been in a few unfortunate relationships too, but hoping--deep, deep, deep inside--that my now skewed view of men will not get in the way of me spotting a decent fellow. Let's hang in there and hope for the best for each of us

I hope that works out for you. People say that if you don't respect yourself it is hard to expect others to respect you. But honestly I am baffled by this aspect of human behavior. It's like kicking a lame dog... What is wrong with people? If someone messes with me, I would be the first to admit that I'd enjoy any sort of retribution. But hurting people just because you can? What does that say about us as a species? We weren't married, we didn't have kids, there was nothing to hold him back from just dumping me and that's it. I just don't understand why people do these horrible things on purpose. Especially to someone that is in such a bad place to begin with. I just feel sick.

[Maria38Divine]

You're right. I don't understand why so many men behave so thoughtlessly towards women. What annoys me equally is when male celebrities (who explain away and write books on male behavior) appear to be making excuses for them. I refuse to believe that men are so generally dumb, insensitive and proud that they're totally incapable of acknowledging and learning from their mistakes.

[Curupira]

It is definetly not all guys. But there are larger societal issues at play. In many cultures including my own women are valued less than men. This reality shows up in subtle and not so subtle ways. We as women are taught to expect less from men and to excuse bad behavior. It is something that needs to change.

Mind you there are plenty of women who are also jerks so...

sorry I went off on a bit of a tangent there.

[Viuam]

Originally Posted by Curupira

It is definetly not all guys. But there are larger societal issues at play. In many cultures including my own women are valued less than men. This reality shows up in subtle and not so subtle ways. We as women are taught to expect less from men and to excuse bad behavior. It is something that needs to change.

Mind you there are plenty of women who are also jerks so...

sorry I went off on a bit of a tangent there.

When a woman does that sort of thing they are practically crucified by society... What frightens me is that there is nothing you can do to prevent it. This sort of thing happens to supermodels and actresses, people who's lives seem perfect. It doesn't matter how smart or beautiful or successful you are... There is no protection. I feel like I have to be everything at the same time, like an image people project act you and expect from you, and it doesn't really matter.