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#1
Mar 28, 2014, 04:37 PM
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I feel this deep hurt that boils inside of my stomach and paralyses my mind and freezes my soul and keeps me from breathing. I try to take a deep breathe but I am choked and suffocated by this vast nothingness I feel. I can feel nothing and everything at once. Anger, sadness, happiness, the feeling of being lost, the feeling of being left behind, the feeling of being forgotten, the feeling of laughter, the feeling of joy, the feeling of sorrow and the feeling of crying. I guess I feel sad because I know I can never feel the way I use to, be what I use to, have what I use to, love what I use to. I am angry because I am frustrated at myself and it’s the only thing I know how to do. Ive tried killing myself, each time I think I try harder but each time I wake up back into this nightmare of my life. Each time I grow quieter and ask for less help, ask for less things I want, and ask myself I will die next time. I hate everything. I hate everyone. I hate what ive felt, what ive done, I don’t know whats happening to me other than im dyeing from the inside out. I don’t expect to ever be fixed but I expect to die before I even begin to truly heal myself.
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~ Listen to the rain. Feel the touch of tears that fall, they won't fall forever. All things come, all things go. ~ |
 Anonymous200125, Curupira, mulan, Nammu
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#2
Mar 29, 2014, 02:58 PM
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Dear GenCat, things can change in a big way. You don't know what the future holds for you, it could even be good you know. Things can and will get better.
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 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#3
Mar 29, 2014, 03:09 PM
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(((((gencat)))))
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#4
Mar 29, 2014, 03:45 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
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My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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#5
Mar 29, 2014, 03:53 PM
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  I know what you mean. I feel pretty much the same, but we have to hang in there because as bad as it is there is hope even if our illness says there isn't any. Right now we can not allow our feeling to over rule our head. I know sometimes it feels like a never ending battle against a monster hydra that grows two new heads for every one you cut off or a battle against the skeletons that constantly reanimate themseves. But this is the illness. I can identify very much with what you said. I too find it harder to ask for help each time since it feels more like punishment and judgement than help. Wish I had some magic answer cause I'd use it right now. I can say that you are not alone.
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Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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#6
Mar 29, 2014, 05:41 PM
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I feel like I could have written this myself!
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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