[Faking sane]

Sometimes out of the blue (well not really out of the blue, but when lots of little stressors are adding up) I have a really DARK few days... The kind where it seems like more of a curse than a blessing that I woke up alive.
My usual days aren't THAT awful. I have bad social anxiety every day because I'm afraid I'll do something to embarrass myself, but on regular days I can usually handle being with familiar people and even go places as long as I'm not expected to interact much with people I don't know.
On the bad days, though, I don't even want my family to see me. My husband said he can tell when I'm having one of those days because I talk slower and stumble over words. I wasn't even aware of that! One more reason to isolate myself in my den times like that...
So my question is whether it's normal for levels of depression to fluctuate, or does that indicate bi-polar disorder?
I have always found joy in things most people take for granted, like the wide variety of trees and their different barks, buds, and leaves. Or the vast array of life-forms that call any one tree home, or at least lunch. And I really love functional ingenuity. I'm not big on flashy things, but show me something that functions simply and efficiently, and I'm in awe of its inventor for getting the job done without showing off. And the interconnectedness of nature thrills me still... Even on all but the darkest days.
Does this mean I'm bi-polar?

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[regretful]

I'm not sure about diagnosing here, so I'll simply let you know about my depression. It fluctuates. There are some days when I feel like I'm on the other side of it, but others when I slide into the dark oblivion. For me, I'm certain that it is depression. I have never had a manic episode, never a mixed episode, and never been hypomanic. oh, and on my bad days, I hole up in my room, and stare at the walls. At those times, the closer I can come to zero social contact, the better...Hope that helps.

[Moodymimi]

Originally Posted by regretful

oh, and on my bad days, I hole up in my room, and stare at the walls. At those times, the closer I can come to zero social contact, the better...Hope that helps.

I'm new to this forum (as of about 5 minutes ago) but this seems like a place I'd like to join in on the conversation with a question on the above quote. I too have days like this where I hunker off into the bedroom with a mix of feeling sorry for myself, tears and maybe some zzz's. Because I am a mother, I feel particular guilt with this. My question is, should I be evading the family when I'm this low or should I be fighting it and forcing myself to be with my family, even though I feel like an open sore? Am I doing myself a favour by regrouping or am I making things worse??

[Stronger]

You know, I've always kind of wondered the same thing. My diagnosis is MDD, and I'll get horrible days and then on occasion I'll get happy days where I'm able to be my happy, normal not-depressed self. But honestly, I think that my diagnosis is right, because my happy days are not like "woohoo, I'm indestructible! And everything is awesome!"

So, yes. Depression does have ups and downs. Life has ups and downs. But it's when those ups are far far above and beyond the normal "happy" that it starts to qualify as bipolar.

[Faking sane]

Thank you. That helps.

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