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#1
Apr 03, 2014, 10:52 AM
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I have been deeply depressed for most of my life about being single. I've tried to tell myself since I was in middle school that things would improve but when I look back on it all I can think is, boy, was I dumb to believe that. I'm 31 now. I feel like I'm just going through the motions every day. I've tried seeing if I can find hobbies but I can't get my mind to focus entirely on the hobby. In the back of my mind, I'm still looking for someone but of course, if it's a hobby of mine, every woman there will be dating someone. Oddly, there's been a ton of single guys at some of these places, but it's like no single women exist. What is the point of continuing?
Hopefully, I've posted this in the right area. Sorry if I havent. |
 Curupira, Marla500, Rohag, sqweaky64
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#2
Apr 03, 2014, 02:22 PM
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Hi "lovable", I'm really sorry you're finding things so hard but do you think that maybe you're trying/hoping too hard. I really can understand that need for a connection, that feeling that there's an empty space.........but perhaps if you could think just a little bit more along the lines of "if it happens, it happens......"? Because there's nothing at all to say that it won't, at some time.
Maybe then you're going to be moving more towards enjoying things/activities just because......maybe feel a little less lonely, depressed, as if you're just waiting (?)........maybe notice a bit more of the world around you?? And when you're noticing a bit more of things around you, feeling more relaxed/content/confident in yourself, you may also notice the opportunities to connect with different people a bit more? e.g. by chatting to someone in a queue, by starting a conversation with someone at another table in a cafe/pub.........now just one of those interactions may lead somewhere......but if not what have you lost? In fact you've kind of benefited from the social aspect, so all good regardless. And you know that a lot of relationships aren't necessarily going to kick off with the "chat up"/"getting to know" you bit anyway, a lot can start of casually e.g. chatting leads to talking, leads to more interest and all that. With friendship sometimes in the middle of that. But as for hobbies maybe look for more/different ones, think "outside the box" for something that may have that x factor (something unusual or something just more you). Might interest you a bit more if you linked in with a friend for it/them though?? But anyway, 31 really isn't that old!! Really isn't!! And if you think you've probably got more maturity and life experiences now, when you do find a relationship it might well have a better chance of working regardless. So maybe relax, try to enjoy being you, and the future.......well who knows!! Alison |
| Marla500
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#3
Apr 03, 2014, 04:58 PM
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Singlehood can be rough especially for those of us who tend to have few relationships. Depression may also be affecting the way you see the world. It tends to make us see only the negative.
Keep working on your mental health, you may find that things improve. |
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#4
Apr 03, 2014, 07:54 PM
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does it even exist?
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| sqweaky64
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#5
Apr 04, 2014, 02:21 PM
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Ok so i'm a lot older than you ( 57) even if i feel 27 and my girlfriend says that i'm like (and i quote) a'hyperactive schoolboy'. I was about to challenge it when i remembered i'd only just been on a site and left a message about farting and quoting Beavis and Butthead. So i won't challenge that one. haha. But i've only just met her and before that i was just like you. I guess i kind of gave up. I'm a nice guy and i kind of thought surely some lady will see that and show some sort of interest in me but that never happened. About 6 months ago i had an epic fanny ( sorry epiphany) and realised i would be alone forever unless i made one (possibly) last effort. My lack of a partner has fuelled my low self esteem and they feed off each other ruining my life. BUTT (and i've got a big butt) I've found someone . And this could be love. I wake up thinking about her, i think of her during the day, i want to be with her and i see my future with her. So, as Prince Charles once said ' i love her' ( what ever love is). The only difference is 'I' mean it.
So don't give up. Get out there enjoy life as best you can. It can be lonely (i know- boy do i know) but if it's gonna happen it'll happen. I wish you well. Love and peace |
| Marla500
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 LaborIntensive, Onward2wards
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#6
Apr 04, 2014, 02:45 PM
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Quote:
This gave me so much hope. You have no idea how much better this just made me feel, thank you for your comment!
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#7
Apr 05, 2014, 01:55 AM
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Quote:
 ve and peace
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| sqweaky64
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#8
Apr 05, 2014, 07:37 PM
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I think i know how you feel, Unloveable. I am middle age, lonely. My life seems empty without someone to share it with. It would be precious to have someone to love and to be loved.
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| Marla500
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#9
Apr 13, 2014, 09:25 PM
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I have the solution for you -- move to Chapel Hill. We have the opposite problem -- tons of single women and no single men. Seriously, everywhere I go there are at least 3 women for every guy, and the guys are always accompanied by a woman. I wish I lived somewhere else.
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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