[towers]

I've been dealing with depression for the past few years, but I've only recently begun getting help for it. I've reached a really stable place in my life in the past few months. Until about three months ago I hadn't told anyone. Not my family, friends, or classmates. It was more out of a need to focus on myself and my own mental health before I could even begin thinking about trying to explain to anyone else what I was going through.

After really working through it I told two of my really close friends. The issue is that I did not tell them because I wanted them to help me or because I wanted sympathy. I told them because they were close friends and I trusted and loved them enough to let them know. Because there may come a day when I do need them to be there and support me. Instead it turned into me spending time and energy making them comfortable.

It's not that I minded explaining to them what depression is and what it isn't, but now it feels as if our friendship has changed. Now when I say I'm stressed over a test or something that has happened in my everyday life (things that I've always said and done) my friends seem to go on alert and act as if I could break at any given moment.

It's frustrating and I've really been trying to work myself up to tell my parents about my depression. However I don't know if I want to tell them if I'm going to get the same treatment as I am from my friends. I love them, but I'm getting the help I need from a professional, and I don't need counseling from my friends and family, I just need them to support me like they always have.

So my question is if you've had successful methods of telling people and explaining to them without altering their behavior towards you?

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Towers.

Originally Posted by towers

Instead it turned into me spending time and energy making them comfortable.

Sad but not surprising.

Originally Posted by towers

...my question is if you've had successful methods of telling people and explaining to them without altering their behavior towards you?

No. Consequently my policy is "need to know" -- who exactly needs to know and how much do they need to know?

[Pierro]

I agree with Rohag. I would be very carefull who you tell because once its told its out..... Best wishes

[shabur]

When I was first diagnosed I didn't want anyone to know, but I did tell my siblings because they knew something was wrong. But I struggled with them, they didn't get it. They started challenging me after being in treatment for a while - why wasn't I better?, why was I still on medication?, I needed to change therapists. And unfortunately, they didn't get it until I was hospitalized for being suicidal.

I was in a therapy group, but it wasn't based on depression. The members knew I suffered from depression, they listened when I was struggling and they were supportive, but they didn't really understand it either until I was hospitalized

I didn't tell my parents until years later. When I did tell my dad his health was failing and he has since passed away. I only told my mother because my pdoc and tdoc really pushed me to do it. She was more upset that I hadn't told her before I told my siblings and that I waited so long to tell her, than she was that I was suffering from metal illnesses that I inherited from her (oh, and she was indignant that I didn't get this from her) I don't have a good relationship with my mother so I don't include her in my care. I rarely talk to her.

Only a few of my close friends and a few family members know. Some of those that don't know would be OK with it. I just don't need them to know.

I am careful about who I tell. I think about why I want them to know. I think about the consequences of telling them. Simply, I consider the plus and minuses of someone knowing. I'm not telling anyone just to let them know. That serves no purpose.

Unfortunately, mental illness is still very misunderstood by those who aren't therapists or patients. Either they see it as a character flaw, treat us as if we're made of glass or they avoid us.

I would suggest you let the friends you have told know that you want to be open and honest with them, and if they are willing to know when you're having a hard time you will tell them and you'll let them know if you need their help, but not everything you say that is negative is the result of your mental health.

Originally Posted by towers

I've been dealing with depression for the past few years, but I've only recently begun getting help for it. I've reached a really stable place in my life in the past few months. Until about three months ago I hadn't told anyone. Not my family, friends, or classmates. It was more out of a need to focus on myself and my own mental health before I could even begin thinking about trying to explain to anyone else what I was going through.

After really working through it I told two of my really close friends. The issue is that I did not tell them because I wanted them to help me or because I wanted sympathy. I told them because they were close friends and I trusted and loved them enough to let them know. Because there may come a day when I do need them to be there and support me. Instead it turned into me spending time and energy making them comfortable.

It's not that I minded explaining to them what depression is and what it isn't, but now it feels as if our friendship has changed. Now when I say I'm stressed over a test or something that has happened in my everyday life (things that I've always said and done) my friends seem to go on alert and act as if I could break at any given moment.

It's frustrating and I've really been trying to work myself up to tell my parents about my depression. However I don't know if I want to tell them if I'm going to get the same treatment as I am from my friends. I love them, but I'm getting the help I need from a professional, and I don't need counseling from my friends and family, I just need them to support me like they always have.

So my question is if you've had successful methods of telling people and explaining to them without altering their behavior towards you?

Thanks for the insight . I just want to say, you're a lot braver than I am, for sure. I don't even know if I'd be able to tell my friends. So far, only my therapists know. The problem for me is, I think people can see something's not right, because I think one's mood comes out in one's behaviour without one realizing it. I've seen people try and avoid me too sometimes. The thing is, I've been depressed so long that people think that's just the way I am. I just wanted to commend you for your courage, but, sorry, as for advice I don't have any as I have not been able to even consider telling someone myself.

I think the problem is that people close to you aren't objective enough to share these things with. They either go into complete denial and tell you to cheer up, or they feel it's something they've done and they try extra hard to try and "over" support you almost. That's why I just prefer someone who listens, like these forums or a therapist.

[Altered Moment]

It is very difficult because people who don't have it just don't understand. Their first reaction is to want to fix you. Just think positive thoughts, happiness is a choice, blah blah blah.

After 20 years I pretty much tell everyone if it comes up. My whole family knows. Some have learned a lot about it and have learned how to be helpful. Some it has been a battle with. I was recently getting my hair cut and somehow in idle chit chat about my life I told her I suffered from depression. To my surprise she told me that she did too. So you never know. I have spent countless hours arguing with friends and family about what depression really is and what it is like.

This is hard but maybe if you can express to them what you need for them to do to help you. Like....listen, accept me as I am depression and all, validate that what I am going through is real, don't judge, don't try to fix me. I think people in general want to understand and help they just have no idea how to. After all these years of knowing my siblings are still uncomfortable around the topic and avoid it. I don't want to be treated like a leper or for people to feel sorry for me, I just want to be accepted and not judged just like anyone else. It is up to us to communicate our needs. I am very glad you are getting the professional help you need. that is most important. All the more reason for them to not try and fix you.