[Viuam]

Like everyone here, I struggle with feelings if deep self loathing and very low self esteem. But I also have a tendency to obsess over bad things, like when I lost my job or my several horrible break ups. Those of you who have read my posts know that right now it's a break up. I wait until I see something new on some social media or texting app, and every time I see the tiniest update I feel like ****. Last time I did this I got my brother to block certain things on my computer, but now he's not around. Also, with my phone and iPad that tactic doesn't work. So I don't know how to stop and I HATE it. I sometimes think that I should be posting in the relationships forum, but I really think that this more a problem with my disease than the actual relationship, which sucked. I am very aware that it sucked and have no good memories, but I hate myself and hate him and have a lot of anger and pride and loathing coursing through me like poison. I write about it here because it's about me hating myself and hurting myself and I can't stop it.

Edit: sorry for being annoying. I go on and on and I know it. I'm sorry.

[Curupira]

That sounds like my sneaky hate spiral. I also can get lost in negative thoughts, ex bad choices I made public humiliatios etc. And you are right it can abolutely be related to depression.

Hope this helps

Viuam, you are correct. You're not alone in suffering from self loathing and low esteem. I experience that every day with this depression. It seems to be getting worse. I hope you're feeling better soon.

[sph123]

Originally Posted by Viuam

Like everyone here, I struggle with feelings if deep self loathing and very low self esteem. But I also have a tendency to obsess over bad things, like when I lost my job or my several horrible break ups. Those of you who have read my posts know that right now it's a break up. I wait until I see something new on some social media or texting app, and every time I see the tiniest update I feel like ****. Last time I did this I got my brother to block certain things on my computer, but now he's not around. Also, with my phone and iPad that tactic doesn't work. So I don't know how to stop and I HATE it. I sometimes think that I should be posting in the relationships forum, but I really think that this more a problem with my disease than the actual relationship, which sucked. I am very aware that it sucked and have no good memories, but I hate myself and hate him and have a lot of anger and pride and loathing coursing through me like poison. I write about it here because it's about me hating myself and hurting myself and I can't stop it.

Edit: sorry for being annoying. I go on and on and I know it. I'm sorry.

I am going through something similar right now. I have always suffered from depression and have been doing a decent job of "maintenance" or staying out of being clinically depressed. But I recently went through a break-up and I cannot stop checking social media either. I can't stop, I am going out of my way to see something and usually it is something with his new girlfriend. I continue to torture myself and I cannot stop doing it. But you're right, I think it has more to do with my disease.