[br0ken-inside]

hi.

thank you so much for taking your time reading this.

but i cant do this anymore.

i cant trust anyone and i feel so alone and it hurts so much. ive been feeling so down and hopeless for such a long time. i dont want to continue anymore.

but i know deep inside that there is more to life and that the world is amazing but i just... i dont know, i just cant go on.

its so hard. i cry all the time. for years. no one even noticed. my family always finds something to scold me for, i cant do anything right. my friends say my other friends backstab me and my other friends say my friends backstab me and it hurts.

my mom always confiscates my phone because im always using it, then when i turn to my mini laptop she gets it too. and my brother and sister hogs everything since im the youngest and they always push me around and my tita always gets mad at me calling me selfish and greedy and i dont know what im doing wrong???

she says im always quiet but when i open my mouth they find something wrong with me.

what am i doing wrong?

what am i doing to everyone??? ive always been silent or ive always been kind to everyone and it just backfires and when i finally get mad they say im a ***** or a brat???

the only one i can count on is my dad and he lives 15 - 30 minutes away if you drive by car but my mom always gets mad when i see him because theyre separated and all.

i cant do this anymore. theyll have themselves to blame when im gone.

i dont want to die, but it seems like the only way out right now.

im harsh when i talk to my brother and sister and im neutral when it comes to anyone else and now theyre teasing me because im so emo??? and that they didnt do anything???

what the ****?

they can be mean to me and when i finally had enough its not allowed?

they say i should go back to my dad since i always want to visit him but when i want to they dont even allow me?

its not ****ing fair.

everything is just not fair at all.

im so tired.

im so so tired.

dying just seems like my only chance to become happy again and i would do anything just to get out of this pithole im in.

someone help me, i dont know what to do anymore.

[Frankbtl]

Hi BI, Welcome to PC!!! It sounds like you're having a really hard time and feel that you have no-one really to turn to or who understands you??
If you feel that your mom isn't really listening or "getting" your feelings it might be more that she doesn't realise how badly you're feeling about things instead of her not caring.
If you're having problems talking to her, do you think you could write down some of the things going on for you/how they're making you feel (just as you're telling us here) and just ask her to read it?
As for your friends maybe have a think about whether some of them are really your friends or not?? But if you think some of them are genuine maybe tell them how what they're saying is making you feel and give them that chance to support you more??
But with your dad, could you phone him a bit more, open up to him about how you're feeling?? It sounds like you think he would maybe be there for you, so it might help if you could just tell him some of what's going on??
And if you want to talk more here..............
Alison

[Fuzzybear]

[Altered Moment]

How old are you?

Sound to me you Dad is your best bet for confiding in. Maybe he will be willing to get you the help you need. He has parental rights too and a say in what is going on with you.

Find friends you can trust and confide it. Go see the school counselor.

You are not doing anything wrong. You feel how you feel and you need help to feel differently.

[Idiot17]

Can you speak to a school counselor to seek help?
((((((hugs))))))

[Nammu]